"Emotional
Affairs--Are They REALLY Affairs?"
by
Susie and Otto Collins
Free Report--"The 12 Biggest Relationship-Killing Mistakes You Could Be Making If You Suspect Your Man Is Lying or Cheating"
If
it's only an "emotional affair," is it really an
affair?
This is
such a great question--and one we hear from a lot of people.
Emotional affairs can happen in any number of ways especially
with cell phones, the internet, Facebook, Twitter and all
the new ways of connecting with someone that didn't used to
exist.
Reconnecting
with old high school flames has
never been easier than it is right now because
of the popularity of all these social media sites.
With a
few clicks of a mouse button, you can find and connect with
that person who was so special to you earlier in your life.
Dating
sites also make it easy to connect with
someone who might have the same interests
as you or just might look "hot."
The workplace
has always been an easy
place to fall into what might be called
emotional affairs (or even physical ones.)
So does
all this spell the death of committed
relationships and marriages?
We don't
think so.
But what
it does say is this...
If you
want a vital, alive relationship that grows with age, you
have to be committed to growing it--that means being emotionally
AND physically focused toward that goal.
M. Gary
Newman in his book "Emotional
Infidelity" says this...
"When
a spouse places his or her primary
emotional needs in the hands of someone
outside the marriage, it breaks the bond of
marriage just as adultery does."
In our
experience, this certainly says it.
So when
does "friendship" slip into being more than friendship?
--When
you want to share something--and the other person rather than
your partner
comes to mind first to share it with
--When
you feel like you can "be yourself"
around that other person (and you can't with your committed
partner)
--When
you feel appreciated and admired
by that other person (more than your partner) and want to
be in his or her presence all the time
--When
you want to be alone with that other
person
--When
you share details about yourself, your marriage or about your
partner with that other person that are a little more intimate
than you know you should be sharing
--When
you find yourself writing, expressing
or exchanging s*e*x*u*a*l innuendoes with that person--and
not your partner
What can
you do about it if you see these
signs?
1. First
of all, be honest with yourself about
what's happening. Don't kid yourself that you are simply "just
friends."
Take a
good honest look at what's going on and if this is really
what you want.
In other
words, be conscious about your words and your actions--even
if it's just via computer.
2. Look
within yourself to discover what this relationship brings
to you.
Does it
bring more excitement or passion to your life?
Does it
help you feel more understood?
Does it
help you feel more connected to and loved by someone?
What is
it that you've been missing that this relationship fills?
3. Look
at your relationship with your spouse
or partner. What do you want?
What do
you want this relationship to be and are you willing to put
some energy and focus on this relationship--and make it better?
4. Get
some help to turn your relationship
around.
Our "Relationship
Trust Turnaround" is a
great place to start to get your relationship
on track again.
If you
feel like you've strayed in an emotional
affair, do you tell your partner or not?
Well here's
the thing...
Your partner
probably already knows at some
level what's been going on--because your
attention and focus has not been with him or
her.
But even
so, when you say it aloud, expect
your partner to feel deeply hurt, feel angry and lose trust
in you.
On the
other hand, if you don't tell your
partner, keeping those feelings of shame or whatever you feel
inside may eat at you--and that's not healthy for you or for
your relationship.
So although
there's no easy "yes" or "no" answer for
everyone, couples can come back together after there's been
an emotional affair and create something even better than
they had before-- if there's a commitment on the part of both
people to doing it.
If you
both want to rekindle the love you once felt, it's entirely
possible to do it.
What do
you do if you feel that your partner
is in the middle of an emotional affair with
someone else?
Be honest
about what you see without
accusations and a lot of drama.
Hard to
do?
Sure--but
if you simply say what you're noticing and what you're feeling...
--your
partner's attention directed at
something else other than you or your relationship
--long
hours on the computer when you'd like to have time together
with him or her
It might
be met with less defensiveness and more honesty.
Whether
you're the one in the emotional affair or you think your partner
is having
one...
Focus
on what you want more of in your
relationship instead of running from it.
"Should
You Stay or Should You Go?" is
one of the fundamental questions that MUST be answered if
any kind of emotional or other affair is going on.
If you've
ever had the thought or considered
leaving your relationship or marriage... don't
do it before you go through our one-of -a -kind process for
making that decision.
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Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins,
authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More
Jealousy" are experts at helping people get more of the love
they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more loving
relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
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