The
Revenge Affair: Characteristics of the Adulterer
by
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
"I
Want to Get Back at Him/Her" is one of 6 kinds of
affairs I outline in my E-book.
This
is the "revenge affair." It occurs in a marriage
in which one feels slighted in some manner and seeks revenge
by engaging in an affair.
It
is less a movement toward the other person and more a
movement away from one’s spouse. The offending spouse
usually lacks the skills of personal confrontation or
is frightened by the prospect of someone "getting
upset."
When
evaluating this kind of extramarital
affair, make a distinction between revenge and rage.
Revenge is not rage. Rage comes from a different source,
as outlined in one of the other kinds of affairs.
Here
are some characteristics of the person who uses infidelity
as revenge:
1.
Usually is rather unpredictable and erratic in his behavior.
2.
Has a hard time making decisions.
3.
Is often impatient and irritable when things don’t
go her way.
4.
Some of the resentment seems to “seep out”
along the edges, maybe when you least expect it.
5.
Engages in teasing.
6.
Can be stubborn and unyielding.
7.
May often take oppositional view and pride himself on
being contrary or taking an unpopular stance.
8.
Can have moments of impulsive behavior and be labeled
high-strung or tightly wired.
9.
Has an underlying worldview that is pessimistic. Glass
is half empty.
10.
Has a tendency to wine or complain.
11.
May have moments of sullenness and dejection.
12.
Women may respond very intensely during their menstrual
cycle. Men may appear very moody at certain times of the
month.
13.
Manipulates others with unpredictability and demandingness.
14.
Family of origin often marked by factions and sibling
rivalry.
15.
Has difficulty with intimacy since her behavior patterns
push people away.
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