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Healing a Broken
Heart
"Why do we seem to keep crashing
into one another?" By Susie and Otto Collins
When there's been a relationship
break up or divorce, one or both people usually ask themselves what happened
and many times, they don't have the answer.
A common reason that causes
many couples to break up is that they don't feel a connection with each other
and many times, they simply don't "feel" the other person at
all.
Recently,
we saw the film "Crash" and although we certainly don't want to spoil it for
you, we felt that the message about relationships we got from it was too
important to not pass onto you--along with our thoughts.
The film is set in Los Angeles
and the first words spoken as we watch several cars crashing into one another
on the freeway are these--"Sometimes I think that people in this town crash
into each other so they can feel one another."
The rest of the film depicts how
people "crash" into one another in various ways for various reasons. This
"crashing" is not just the crashing into one another with our vehicles but how
we crash into one another in a million other ways either consciously or
unconsciously --to make a connection.
At the bottom of all of this
"crashing" is the idea that we are all connected to each other and that we are
all doing the best we can to feel it. The message that we got from this film
rang very true for us because we've watched as other people "crash" into one
another and we "crash" into each other for attention, for love, for connection,
to relieve pain, for revenge or to just simply "feel" another human being. This
"crashing" can and usually does eventually lead to a break up or
divorce.
How
many of us choose unhealthy ways of "crashing" into other people hoping for a
different outcome or maybe just a small spark of connection, love or attention?
We keep trying
to get the attention, love or whatever we want from others, even if it's done
in a negative way and we keep getting negative results.
If you have experienced a break
up or divorce, you may have experienced this "crashing" first hand which
eventually led to the break up.
One vivid memory Susie has is when she "crashed" into her
previous husband to try to get him to express emotion when her grandfather
died. She badgered him until he broke down and cried. They both had loved him
very much but Susie's previous husband hadn't been able to show any emotion
when her grandfather passed.
Susie needed that connection with her previous husband and she
needed him to show emotion--so she emotionally "crashed" into him to get
through the walls he had created.
But in our relationship, the two
of us have found out that it doesn't have to be that way. We have discovered
that we can love each other and the other people in our lives and connect
without "crashing" into each other in negative and unhealthy ways that cause
pain.
Just like
you, we have our own lessons to learn and we know that we're not perfect.
Occasionally we do have challenges that have to be worked through.
With this in
mind, here are some ideas and suggestions we can offer to help you connect in
more healthy and loving ways in your life...
1. Learn to first connect with
yourself. While we all need to connect with others, we need to start learning
to connect with ourselves. That means learning to feel your emotions and what
you are feeling, acknowledge them and let them flow.
2. Allow others to be where they
are and don't expect them to follow your path or feel what you are feeling.
3. Center or
calm yourself before you tell someone what you are feeling or what you want
from them. There are many ways to do this, one good way is using your breath.
Get yourself into a space of feeling love for the other person--even if it's a
person at work that you need to connect with.
4. Express what you need to
express in a way that the other person can hear without judgment and blame.
Don't let yourself get defensive and make sure of your intentions before you
express yourself.
5. Make heartfelt requests when you need to from a calm,
centered space. When you do, the other person will be better able to take in
your request without getting defensive themselves and angry. You don't need to
"crash" into each other to get what you want and need . There are always other
ways to get what you want or need. We recommend that you try some of these
ideas this week and see how your life and relationships change for the better.
******************
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors
of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More Jealousy" are experts at
helping people get more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a
closer, more loving relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
***********************
For a
free mini-course on getting over a relationship breakup or divorce,
click here.
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