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Improve
Communication
"Asking for What you Want:
Why is it so Difficult?"
By Susie and Otto Collins
Recently, Susie took her mother
who has Alzhemier's disease to the hospital for an out-patient procedure to be
done. They had to wait for 3 hours and to pass the time, they watched the
nurses go about their duties and the other patients coming and going.
As they laughed
and made up stories about the people, Susie noticed an elderly woman being
seated in one of the cubicles, waiting her turn to get treated. The woman
appeared to be shivering because she only had a short-sleeved shirt on and the
temperature in the room was a bit chilly.
When a very kind nurse asked the
woman if she wanted a blanket, the woman shook her head with a "no" and said
that she had left her jacket with her daughter in the waiting area. As we
watched this woman, she continued to sit with her arms wrapped around herself,
and it appeared that she was very uncomfortable.
Susie couldn't help thinking
that if the woman had only accepted the warm blanket as her mother had done or
if she had gone back out to the waiting area to get her jacket, she would have
been so much more comfortable as she waited for her turn to have her procedure
done.
Although
we don't really know why the woman didn't choose to either get her jacket or
accept the blanket even though she appeared to be very uncomfortable, we do
know that it appeared that she was unwilling to ask for what she wanted and
even accept help when it was offered to her.
What a relationship lesson this
is!
Many people
fall into the relationship trap of not asking for help, thinking that they can
do it all themselves and not allowing themselves to receive. They may have the
belief that by not asking others for help, they are creating great
relationships. We think the opposite is true!
Asking for help when you need it
and accepting the help of others actually opens the door to connection and
intimacy.
Sound
strange?
Here's
why we say this...
Nothing quite feels as good as helping other people and being
appreciated for the help you give. If you are going through life with the
attitude that you can help others but you won't let down your defenses to allow
others to help you, you are denying them the opportunity to feel competent and
be of service to you.
Our relationship works so much better when both of us are
willing to ask for help when we need it and ask for what we want--when neither
one of us either tries to "fix" the other when they haven't asked or have the
attitude that we can do it all by ourselves with no help from the other person.
Here are some
suggestions that have worked for us in asking for what we want:
1. First, find
out what you want and need and believe that it is possible to ask and receive
it. So many people don't know what they want and even if they do, they don't
believe that anyone will give it to them. You have to believe that it's
possible to receive the help or whatever you want.
2. Ask in such a way that the
other person can hear the request. Tell the other person what you are feeling
and why this is important to you. Choose a time when the person will listen to
you without distractions or ask for that time. Make your request about what you
need and why you need it.
3. Give a clear request. Often,
people take a round about way to ask for what they want. At our son's band
banquet the other day, we sat across from a couple who were talking about their
high school aged son. We heard the boy's mother tell his father that when their
son was talking about a fund-raising event that was going to take place the
next week, the boy was really hinting that the father participate with him. She
said that the boy seemed to be afraid to ask his father outright.
Asking for what
you want is the ONLY way you'll ever have what you want in any area of your
life. We're suggesting that asking very clearly for what you want will create
better relationships and as the saying goes-- you'll never know until you ask.
When you ask
for what you want--who knows? You might even get it!
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Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors of "Should You
Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More Jealousy" are experts at helping people
get more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more
loving relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
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