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Improve Communication
"Asking
for What you Want: Why is it so Difficult?" By Susie and Otto
Collins
Recently,
Susie took her mother who has Alzhemier's disease to the hospital
for an out-patient procedure to be done. They had to wait for
3 hours and to pass the time, they watched the nurses go about
their duties and the other patients coming and going.
As
they laughed and made up stories about the people, Susie noticed
an elderly woman being seated in one of the cubicles, waiting
her turn to get treated. The woman appeared to be shivering
because she only had a short-sleeved shirt on and the temperature
in the room was a bit chilly.
When
a very kind nurse asked the woman if she wanted a blanket, the
woman shook her head with a "no" and said that she had left
her jacket with her daughter in the waiting area. As we watched
this woman, she continued to sit with her arms wrapped around
herself, and it appeared that she was very uncomfortable.
Susie
couldn't help thinking that if the woman had only accepted the
warm blanket as her mother had done or if she had gone back
out to the waiting area to get her jacket, she would have been
so much more comfortable as she waited for her turn to have
her procedure done.
Although we don't really know why the woman
didn't choose to either get her jacket or accept the blanket
even though she appeared to be very uncomfortable, we do know
that it appeared that she was unwilling to ask for what she
wanted and even accept help when it was offered to her.
What
a relationship lesson this is!
Many people fall into the relationship
trap of not asking for help, thinking that they can do it all
themselves and not allowing themselves to receive. They may
have the belief that by not asking others for help, they are
creating great relationships. We think the opposite is true!
Asking
for help when you need it and accepting the help of others actually
opens the door to connection and intimacy.
Sound strange?
Here's why we say this...
Nothing quite feels as good as helping
other people and being appreciated for the help you give. If
you are going through life with the attitude that you can help
others but you won't let down your defenses to allow others
to help you, you are denying them the opportunity to feel competent
and be of service to you.
Our relationship works so much better
when both of us are willing to ask for help when we need it
and ask for what we want--when neither one of us either tries
to "fix" the other when they haven't asked or have the attitude
that we can do it all by ourselves with no help from the other
person.
Here
are some suggestions that have worked for us in asking for what
we want:
1. First, find out what you want and need
and believe that it is possible to ask and receive it. So many
people don't know what they want and even if they do, they don't
believe that anyone will give it to them. You have to believe
that it's possible to receive the help or whatever you want.
2.
Ask in such a way that the other person can hear the request.
Tell the other person what you are feeling and why this is important
to you. Choose a time when the person will listen to you without
distractions or ask for that time. Make your request about what
you need and why you need it.
3.
Give a clear request. Often, people take a round about way to
ask for what they want. At our son's band banquet the other
day, we sat across from a couple who were talking about their
high school aged son. We heard the boy's mother tell his father
that when their son was talking about a fund-raising event that
was going to take place the next week, the boy was really hinting
that the father participate with him. She said that the boy
seemed to be afraid to ask his father outright.
Asking
for what you want is the ONLY way you'll ever have what you
want in any area of your life. We're suggesting that asking
very clearly for what you want will create better relationships
and as the saying goes-- you'll never know until you ask.
When
you ask for what you want--who knows? You might even get it!
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Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins,
authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More
Jealousy" are experts at helping people get more of the love
they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more loving
relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
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