One of the biggest challenges in relationships and marriages today is the fact that most couples don't feel like they can truly be open, honest and straightforward with their partner or spouse like they used to when they were first together without them getting upset or angry.

When you don't feel safe to be able to say what's real and true for you-- you don't feel loved, cared for, honored or appreciated.

You just do what you can to make it through the day without creating any waves.

We wanted to let you know that we've put together a great resource that shows you how to say whatever is real and true for you AND actually have your partner hear you.

When we learned how to communicate in this way in our own relationship many years ago, it changed everything.

We think it will do the same for you and your
relationship as well...

Discover how you can talk to your partner or spouse about ANYTHING without fear about how they'll react or what they'll say, think, or act.

Here's another one of the most amazing relationship discoveries we've ever made...

In fact...

You could have knocked us over with a feather

when we realized this.

In fact, we didn't realize it at the time, but the whole soul mate mystique is based on this idea.

Here's what we're talking about and it's a really simple way of understanding relationships (especially ones that work and are successful)...

Every single one of us has a "story" about ourselves, our life and our relationships that we think is how we want them to be.

When we are drawn to someone and get into a relationship with them--whether it's for friendship or intimate partnership, we are responding to a similar, familiar story that we see in this person which matches our story.

Occasionally, when we get into a relationship
with someone, we might say to ourselves
something like... "You're so incredible," "I really like you," "You have a similar work ethic and like the same things I like," "I feel like I've known you forever" or even something like "I feel like I've met my soul mate."

When we say anything like these things, we
can know that we have just met a person who matches our "story"--or matches a part
of our story.

Of course, there's never a 100% match in
stories and when it comes to our relationships... that's where misunderstandings, assumptions and conflicts come in.

That's when you say to yourself, "What
happened to the person I married or fell in love with or chose as my friend?"

Here's an example of what we mean...

Melinda and Bill had been married for several years, with two children. When the kids came along, their agreement had been that Melinda would stay at home with them (plus working a few hours from home) and Bill would make most of the money to support them all.

For a couple of years, their "stories" matched
pretty well. Bill and Melinda seemed to get
what they each wanted.

Increasingly, however, Melinda noticed herself feeling resentful that her childcare responsibilities tended to be 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Even when Bill was home, it seemed that if
one of their children needed to go somewhere,
got hurt, or just wanted a peanut butter sandwich, Melinda was the one everyone assumed would do what needed to be done.

She loved Bill and the children dearly but she
just wanted a break from time to time and to not always feel "on the job."

But every time she thought about challenging
their "story" and asking Bill to help out more
with the kids, Melinda's stomach knotted up
and she felt guilty because this had been their agreement. After all, he was doing his part earning the money...

So here's where conflict and disconnection can easily happen.

If Melinda allows her guilt to keep her silent
about what she's feeling and she still feels
resentful, her feelings will still come out--
maybe in cutting, sarcastic remarks and in ways that unknowingly create distance
between them.

And Bill doesn't even know that she wants to change their current story and is in the dark as to why she's acting the way she is.

If Melinda complains to Bill that he doesn't
help out, he'll become defensive and push her away.

So what could Melinda do?

Here are some ideas for when your "stories"
no longer match and how to rewrite them so
that they do once again...

1. Recognize what you are feeling.

In Melinda's case, she sees her resentment,
tiredness and guilt and decides she can't
ignore it any longer because she's starting
to take her anger out on Bill and even on
her kids.

2. Get clear about what you want.

Melinda wants to share parenting with Bill
and when she really thinks about it, she
would like some time for herself to do
something like take a yoga class.

3. Focus on where your "stories" still overlap.

Melinda can tell Bill that she still loves staying at home with their kids and is very happy being in love and married to him--because that's the way she truly feels.

4. Communicate your feelings and your desires without blame or guilt so that the other person stays open to you. Be specific and don't generalize.

Melinda can ask for the two of them to talk
about how she can have some time for herself and how Bill can also get his needs met.

She doesn't say to him "I want more help with the kids" but rather is specific in her request.

She asks him if he will give the kids baths and put them to bed each evening.

The more specific and clear the request, the
less likely Bill will feel attacked.

The less defensive he gets, chances are better that the two can stay open. listen to
and understand each other.

If you need help with making specific requests and speaking your truth, check out our "Stop Talking on Eggshells" program.

5. Listen to how your partner wants your lives together to be--without getting defensive.

Melinda just listened as Bill tells her that every night isn't doable because sometimes he works late. He tells her that he is willing to give them baths and put them to bed Monday, Wednesday, Friday and the weekends.

Bill even tells her that he was surprised she
wanted help because it looked like she had
it all under control--and that he'd like a little
more time with the kids.

6. Negotiate how you want your new "story"
together to be and how you want to keep your love and connection strong and growing.

While talking, Melinda and Bill decide that
they want more time for the two of them--the
way it used to be before the kids.

They decide that they want to carve out some
time to just be together right after the kids are put to bed. Instead of gravitating to the computer and television, they decide to sit and talk with no distractions for a few minutes.

If you want some ideas about how to increase
spark and passion in your relationship, we have some really great ideas for you.

So how about you?

Is there someone in your life who has a story
that used to match yours but now is a source
of irritation and conflict?

We're not suggesting that you say or do
anything that's NOT congruent with your values or other commitments at all.

We are suggesting that as your relationships
with the people closest to you evolve and change, you may want to explore how the ideas of other people and the ways that they want to live are just as important and just as valid as yours.

Can you see how you may start looking at how you can both open to each other and shift or change your stories to be a better match with each other?

Love starts with similar stories and can
change over time. Don't be afraid to make
some changes that will create more love and connection in your life.

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Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More Jealousy" are experts at helping people get more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more loving relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course: http://www.Relationshipgold.com
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No More Jealousy

ReStart the Spark