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Dating Tips & Advice
"GUIDELINES FOR YOUR FIRST DATE"
by Robert Elias Najemy
1.Relationships are not by chance. They are specific
experiences through which we have the opportunity to grow in self-knowledge and
develop the highest human virtues such as understanding, patience, forgiveness,
adaptability, truthfulness, caring, unity and unconditional love.
2. This does not mean that there is only one person on the earth for
us – one soul mate. We might evolve and learn such lessons through a
series of relationships. Of course, we need to avoid the trap of superficial
short term relationships – in which we may be actually avoiding rather
than learning our lessons.
3. Create relationships
based on mutual respect, admiration and common interests. Although chemical
attraction is also very important, without the above, the relationship will be
short lived.
4. Fill out in detail and with total honesty our
questionnaire about yourself and the soul with whom you would like to unite
your life. Become clear about yourself and about what you want.
5. When you begin your first meetings with a soul with whom would
like to investigate the possibility of mutually creating a Conscious Love
Relationship:
a. Be totally honest from the beginning. You want
someone who wants to be with you -not with some mask that you create.
b. Ask questions that are important to you. Learn how the other
thinks and feels about subjects that are important to you. See what you have in
common and what you do not. (It is okay to have different interests.)
c. Remember (from the questionnaire) the three characteristics that
your love partner must absolutely have and the 3 characteristics that he or she
absolutely must not have. (However, you might want to check and be sure these
are absolutes coming from your higher self and not your personality-based
fears.)
d. Do not move forward into sexual intimacy until you are fairly sure
that you really can respect, admire and love this person. You might not be
totally sure, but at least, you should like what you see until now. Physically
intimacy without love can create unfruitful attachments.
e. Avoid creating a relationship with a person based on the idea that
you will change the other. This seldom works. People do not like to be changed
or controlled and usually rebel towards that effort on our part. Remember the
computer adage «What you see is what you get and what you will get –
even after ten years.» We are not saying that others do not change –
but that they do not like to be changed.
f. Investigate various aspects of your
possible communication; talking, dancing, walking, nature, sports, cinema,
eating, serving others, meditating, praying, reading and eventually making
love. Discuss and share whatever gives you meaning and pleasure. This does not
mean that you need to do everything together. It is very natural for couples to
have separate activities that give each personal fulfillment.
g. After some time, discuss your values and life style preferences.
What do you believe is the purpose of life? Do you want to have children? How
would you like to live? Do you want a social life? What do you want to do with
your life? (Read what the other has written about these subjects on the
questionnaire.)
6. Remember, relationships are not the goal of life
but rather the means towards our life purpose which is growth, self-knowledge
and eventual manifestation of our inherent divine qualities such as
unconditional love.
a. Relationships do not give us
self-worth and we do not lose our self-worth when someone prefers not to be
with us or prefers to be someone else.
b. We are not intended to be with just
anyone. We have made «secret soul agreements» to learn and grow
with specific souls.
c. Thus, we might be wonderfully (and all uniquely
are) physically and mentally attractive, but if we have not made this
«secret soul agreement», then we simply will not be attracted to
each other.
d. Thus the other might respect, admire and truly
admire and love us (or we, them) but not be able to "feel that special
chemistry", because we simply are not meant to be together. We too might feel
the same dilemma in relationship to the other.
e. Thus we should never
feel rejection when a relationship with another does not work out. Our
self-worth and beauty are the same. We simply have not agreed to be together at
this time – at least.
7. Avoid falling into the following
mental traps:
a. Believing that you are not worthy of being loved.
b. Believing that you are getting too old and that you have lost the
train or are less worthy or less happy than those who are married or in
relationships.
c. That you will definitely be happier in a
relationship – maybe yes – maybe no.
d. That time is running
out to have a child. If your life purpose is to have and raise a child, it will
happen. If it is not, then it will not. Let go and realize that life gives at
each moment exactly what you need to be happy and to evolve. Fear is not a good
reason to create a relationship. Love is.
8. You are most likely
not in a relationship at this time, because you subconsciously do not want to
be in one. Think about it. There are so many millions of people who are less
attractive and less kind and loving than you are and yet, they are in
relationships. Thus the reason you are not in one is either:
a. Your soul-created evolutionary program for this life requires that
you should not have that experience until now - at least for this during this
period of your life and / or
b. You are subconsciously afraid of
one or more of the following: failure, rejection, suppression, being used,
abandonment, being hurt, not being loved if the other knows the real you, not
being able to be your real self, making the same mistakes your parents made
etc. In such a case, you will need to work on your fears – especially with
your past experiences.
Some last words
1. Trust in divine wisdom. You have
exactly what you need at this time to create happiness and growth.
2. Free yourself from fears of being alone. Learn to enjoy being with
your self.
3. Free yourself from the fears of being in a
relationship.
4. You are equally worthy and safe in and out of a
relationship.
5. You can be equally happy in and out of a
relationship.
6. Learn to be happy with your present situation so
that you can move on to the next. (This is often a prerequisite to creating a
relationship.)
7. Remember that a few years of a real Conscious Love
Relationship is preferable to fifty years of a relationship based on security
and self-worth needs.
8. Attend to your Inner Preparation: a. Clarify
Values, Needs, Life Style (The questionnaire will help.) b. Learn To Love Your
Self: c. Develop Inner Security.
9. Place your energy an thought form
into the universe by: a. Knowing what you want – as specifically as
possible. b. Believing that you deserve to have what you want. c. Being open to
accepting it. d. Let go and know in peace that the universe gives you in each
moment what you need to be happy and grow. e. Be at peace, knowing that the
universe will give you in the future whatever is best for you as a soul in the
evolutionary process.
From our Conscious Love Relationships Program at:
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/relationships/index.asp
******************************************
Robert Elias Najemy, a
life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 Life coaches and
now does so over the Internet. Info at:
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/introholisticcoach.asp He is
the author of over 20 books, 600 articles and 400 lecture cassettes on Human
Harmony. Download FREE 100's of articles, find wonderful ebooks, guidance,
audio files and teleclasses at
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. His books The Psychology of
Happiness and Remove Pain with Energy Psychology are available at
http://www.amazon.com ******************************************
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