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Dating Tips & Advice
"GUIDELINES FOR YOUR FIRST DATE"
by Robert Elias Najemy
1.Relationships are not
by chance. They are specific experiences through which we have
the opportunity to grow in self-knowledge and develop the highest
human virtues such as understanding, patience, forgiveness,
adaptability, truthfulness, caring, unity and unconditional
love.
2. This does not mean that there is only
one person on the earth for us – one soul mate. We might
evolve and learn such lessons through a series of relationships.
Of course, we need to avoid the trap of superficial short term
relationships – in which we may be actually avoiding rather
than learning our lessons.
3. Create relationships based
on mutual respect, admiration and common interests. Although
chemical attraction is also very important, without the above,
the relationship will be short lived.
4. Fill out in detail and
with total honesty our questionnaire about yourself and the
soul with whom you would like to unite your life. Become clear
about yourself and about what you want.
5. When you begin your first meetings with
a soul with whom would like to investigate the possibility of
mutually creating a Conscious Love Relationship:
a. Be totally honest from
the beginning. You want someone who wants to be with you -not
with some mask that you create.
b. Ask questions that are important to
you. Learn how the other thinks and feels about subjects that
are important to you. See what you have in common and what you
do not. (It is okay to have different interests.)
c. Remember (from the questionnaire) the
three characteristics that your love partner must absolutely
have and the 3 characteristics that he or she absolutely must
not have. (However, you might want to check and be sure these
are absolutes coming from your higher self and not your personality-based
fears.)
d. Do not move forward into sexual intimacy
until you are fairly sure that you really can respect, admire
and love this person. You might not be totally sure, but at
least, you should like what you see until now. Physically intimacy
without love can create unfruitful attachments.
e. Avoid creating a relationship with a
person based on the idea that you will change the other. This
seldom works. People do not like to be changed or controlled
and usually rebel towards that effort on our part. Remember
the computer adage «What you see is what you get and what
you will get – even after ten years.» We are not
saying that others do not change – but that they do not
like to be changed.
f. Investigate
various aspects of your possible communication; talking, dancing,
walking, nature, sports, cinema, eating, serving others, meditating,
praying, reading and eventually making love. Discuss and share
whatever gives you meaning and pleasure. This does not mean
that you need to do everything together. It is very natural
for couples to have separate activities that give each personal
fulfillment.
g. After some time, discuss your values
and life style preferences. What do you believe is the purpose
of life? Do you want to have children? How would you like to
live? Do you want a social life? What do you want to do with
your life? (Read what the other has written about these subjects
on the questionnaire.)
6. Remember, relationships
are not the goal of life but rather the means towards our life
purpose which is growth, self-knowledge and eventual manifestation
of our inherent divine qualities such as unconditional love.
a. Relationships
do not give us self-worth and we do not lose our self-worth
when someone prefers not to be with us or prefers to be someone
else.
b. We are
not intended to be with just anyone. We have made «secret
soul agreements» to learn and grow with specific souls.
c. Thus, we might be wonderfully
(and all uniquely are) physically and mentally attractive, but
if we have not made this «secret soul agreement»,
then we simply will not be attracted to each other.
d. Thus the other might
respect, admire and truly admire and love us (or we, them) but
not be able to "feel that special chemistry", because we simply
are not meant to be together. We too might feel the same dilemma
in relationship to the other.
e.
Thus we should never feel rejection when a relationship with
another does not work out. Our self-worth and beauty are the
same. We simply have not agreed to be together at this time
– at least.
7. Avoid
falling into the following mental traps:
a. Believing that you are
not worthy of being loved.
b. Believing that you are getting too old
and that you have lost the train or are less worthy or less
happy than those who are married or in relationships.
c. That you will definitely
be happier in a relationship – maybe yes – maybe no.
d.
That time is running out to have a child. If your life purpose
is to have and raise a child, it will happen. If it is not,
then it will not. Let go and realize that life gives at each
moment exactly what you need to be happy and to evolve. Fear
is not a good reason to create a relationship. Love is.
8.
You are most likely not in a relationship at this time, because
you subconsciously do not want to be in one. Think about it.
There are so many millions of people who are less attractive
and less kind and loving than you are and yet, they are in relationships.
Thus the reason you are not in one is either:
a. Your soul-created evolutionary program
for this life requires that you should not have that experience
until now - at least for this during this period of your life
and / or
b. You are
subconsciously afraid of one or more of the following: failure,
rejection, suppression, being used, abandonment, being hurt,
not being loved if the other knows the real you, not being able
to be your real self, making the same mistakes your parents
made etc. In such a case, you will need to work on your fears
– especially with your past experiences.
Some last words
1. Trust
in divine wisdom. You have exactly what you need at this time
to create happiness and growth.
2. Free yourself from fears of being alone.
Learn to enjoy being with your self.
3. Free yourself from the
fears of being in a relationship.
4. You are equally worthy
and safe in and out of a relationship.
5. You can be equally happy
in and out of a relationship.
6. Learn to be happy with
your present situation so that you can move on to the next.
(This is often a prerequisite to creating a relationship.)
7. Remember that a few years
of a real Conscious Love Relationship is preferable to fifty
years of a relationship based on security and self-worth needs.
8. Attend to your Inner
Preparation: a. Clarify Values, Needs, Life Style (The questionnaire
will help.) b. Learn To Love Your Self: c. Develop Inner Security.
9. Place
your energy an thought form into the universe by: a. Knowing
what you want – as specifically as possible. b. Believing
that you deserve to have what you want. c. Being open to accepting
it. d. Let go and know in peace that the universe gives you
in each moment what you need to be happy and grow. e. Be at
peace, knowing that the universe will give you in the future
whatever is best for you as a soul in the evolutionary process.
From our Conscious Love
Relationships Program at: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/relationships/index.asp
******************************************
Robert
Elias Najemy, a life coach with 30 years of experience, has
trained over 300 Life coaches and now does so over the Internet.
Info at: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/introholisticcoach.asp
He is the author of over 20 books, 600 articles and 400
lecture cassettes on Human Harmony. Download FREE 100's of articles,
find wonderful ebooks, guidance, audio files and teleclasses
at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com.
His books The Psychology of Happiness and Remove Pain with Energy
Psychology are available at http://www.amazon.com ******************************************
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