The purpose of this article is to
bring to your attention how we really communicate with our children and
what you can do to help your children before, during or after divorce.
Divorce doesn't just happen.
Whether your struggles have been silent, behind closed doors or in front of
your children, they have felt your pain. How? Because the old saying, "What you
don't say speaks louder than your words."
We now know that our thoughts are
the most powerful form of energy that exists on the planet. Each thought, each
emotion, carries with it a wave of energy that is communicated and absorbed by
those around us. Yes, our energy speaks to other energy. Energy has a life of
its own.
Dr. Deepak Chopra asked
questions no one else asked. As a physician he wondered… why do we have
skin cancer when our skin cells regenerate every 21 days? Why do we have liver
cancer when our organs regenerate once or twice a year?
After years of study,
scientists discovered what Jonas Salk wrote about before he discovered the
polio vaccine, that are cells talk to each other. Yes, our cells tell each
other their story and pass it on from one generation to the next. Our cells
gossip!
Well, as human beings, what are
we made up of if not cells? (And I believe a spirit - another form of energy.)
So what does this have to do with
communicating with our children before, during and after divorce? Everything.
By being aware of the affect of "silent communication" we can truly
listen first to our silence and then to our children's actions, words and
deeds.
How do we accomplish this in the
midst of our own turmoil? ATTENTION.
Attention is everything.
Attention creates the energy that flows through and around us. Whatever we give
attention to grows in our life and becomes more real. Whatever we withdraw
attention from withers and fades away. Judgments acts as "filters" that make
our flow of attention “heavy” and this robs our life force as well as
that of the people we judge.
Neutral attention is called
"Prana" or "Chi" or "Qi". This neutral attention is appreciative, compassionate
attention. When we are present and aware without judgment we're in a state
of being. When there is no judgment we are in a state of what the Zen call
"bare mind". When the mental chatter is no longer present, we then are relaxed,
peaceful and content.
How do we create this state?
Every day take 5 minutes to just "be". Look at a flower, tree, the sky, the
wall. Do not think. Observe the light, shadow, color, silence, noise,
contrasts. No inner or spoken words - just observation. The feeling is so
euphoric you may want to increase your daily practice being.
Notice your energy when you are
in this state. You feel light, airy.
Now that you know what a "state
of being" feels like, listen to your children while being. Now, your
children have a place where they can be.
Be in a state of being
with your spouse or soon to be former spouse. Notice how calm you feel. What
happens to the energy in you, around you? What is the result of your "silent
communication"?
The greatest communication tool
that you have is being in a state of ATTENTION. It is the "silent witness" to
loving communication. It is the "choice-maker" when we relax our mind and allow
our energy to be in flow with what is happening around us. As all scriptures
have said for thousands of years, this intuitive, feeling nature is the all
powerful.
When we learn to be present to
each moment, to our sensory experience – the sights, sounds and sensations
in each NOW moment, we operate from this "silent witness" and our attention is
clear, compassionate and non-judgmental. We feel life, operate intuitively, and
are guided through our life by infinite wisdom.
From this place of compassion and
love, our children benefit because our presence transmits into an unconditional
energy of love. Our quiet mind allows the energy of love and acceptance to
naturally flow. Our quiet mind gives ourselves and everyone around us
permission to feel more alive and energized.
Being in the NOW MOMENT by using
ATTENTION... well miracles unfold in you and your children's lives and the
affects of divorce will gradually diminish over time.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Madeline Binder has Master’s
Degrees in both Human Services Counseling and Education and is the author of
Smart Divorce:
Parent Happy, Healthy Kids.
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