|
|
Divorce
"Take Your Share of the Responsibility for the Relationship--no
more and no less"
by Susie and Otto Collins
When a
relationship experiences challenges, very often we want to assign fault and
blame. When you are in a healthy relationship with another person, both people
are equally responsible for the relationship.
If a relationship isn't working,
the same thing applies. No matter who appears to be at fault when challenges
come up or the relationship ends, both people are responsible.
If you are taking more than your
share of your responsibility for the relationship not working out the way you
would like, you are being a martyr. If you take less than your share of
responsibility for the relationship not working out, you are being a
victim.
You can
only heal when you have let go of "fault" and "blame" and focus on letting go
of the past and how you can do it differently in the future.
This can be a very difficult
process if you are hanging on to the need to be right, anger, judgments and
unexpressed resentments, especially if you feel your partner hasn't or won't
take any responsibility for the health of the relationship.
Forgiving and forgetting may
seem to be beyond reality for you now. It's like if someone says to you, "Don't
think of the color blue" "Don't think of the color blue" "Don't think of the
color blue," no matter how hard you try, you probably can't stop visualizing or
thinking about the color blue.
The same thing happens when you try to "forget" a negative
situation that has an emotional charge to it. No matter how hard you try, you
just can't seem to do it.
We believe that instead of
forgiving and forgetting, you have to forgive and let go. Many people write to
us wanting to know how they can forgive when they have been wronged: a spouse
cheated on them; they've been abused in one way or another; or they don't feel
loved or valued.
What we have found is that the process of healing oneself when a
relationship has ended requires more than forgiveness. You must also let go.
But let go of what?
In almost all cases when you are having a difficult time
forgiving someone, you are holding on to an attachment of some kind or another.
The attachments most commonly manifest themselves in the need to be justified,
the need to be honored, the need to be right, the need to be vindicated, the
desire for revenge, and the inability to move past fear.
So when you are holding onto an
attachment, what you are actually doing is holding onto a position which is
serving you in some way but it is not moving you forward in healing.
We suggest that
you let go of negativity and attachments by deciding to drop them--by deciding
that you no longer want to carry and live with the pain and suffering that you
have been living.
*****************************
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors
of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More Jealousy" are experts at
helping people get more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a
closer, more loving relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
*****************************
|
|
|
|
