"Jealousy and Suspicion:
Can you get over it?"
by Susie and Otto Collins
Here's an interesting question about
jealousy and suspicion that a woman asked us recently...
****
"Hi,
I have been receiving small daily hints on jealousy. My problem
is not only with my partner but also with my dad too. He is
71. I am more suspicious than jealous. It is a feeling of
wanting to know where they are all the time. It is asking
my husband what did he do. When he tells me in a small explanations,
Iwant to know details and at the same time, I am in my mind
adding the minutes to compute the exact amount of time from
fact to fact.
It is an obsession of knowing where and who they are with.
For example. if Idon't know where dad is or if Iconsider he
should be home, I get impatient. I want to know where he can
be. Dad is very active and still works as a carpenter for
his own company. It is a sickening feeling.
I did it to my son while he was a teenager. Thank God he married
at age 21 and then I kind of stopped doing it. But I didn't
stop wanting to know where he goes, where he spends the day
or even when he goes fishing, I would like to know all the
details. I have been able to hold it back or I will push him
away from me.
I have always been like this. I am 51 and I can't continue
living like this. Thank you for your advice."
****
First
of all, suspicion and wanting to know minute details of the
other person's life is pretty common when it comes to jealousy.
There's an outward focus of attention that the jealous person
can't seem to control.
Now in
this case, since this woman wants to know minute details of
not only her partner's life but also her father's and son's
lives. So it's pretty obvious that she needs to turn her attention
toward her own life.
If you
are suspicious of your partner, it may not be so cut and dried.
You may have to determine whether there is any truth to your
fears. If there is truth, then you need to act from a place
of clarity of what you want. If there is not truth to your
fears, then you need to shift your focus of attention as this
woman needs to do.
To this
woman or anyone else with a similar problem, we say to begin
paying attention to your life. Begin recognizing when you
are in your partner's or dad's business (or anyone else's)
and bring your focus to your own life instead of their lives.
We suspect that this habit--and it is a habit like smoking
or any other habit--was created so that you wouldn't have
to deal with your feelings. If you are focused outwardly on
someone else's life all of the time, you don't have to deal
with you.
So for
the sake of everyone, gather your
courage and begin turning your attention to yourself when
you feel yourself getting into their business. Breathe and
bring your attention inside you and acknowledge what you are
feeling.
This does
take courage but it is a road out from suspicion and pushing
those you love away from you.
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If you're interested we offer a free
online course about how to overcome jealousy. This FREE online
course about overcoming jealousy is based on our course called
"No More Jealousy." To get this free online course about "No
More Jealousy" visit http://www.NoMoreJealousy.com
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