"The
Worst Jealousy Advice We've Ever Heard..."
By Susie and Otto Collins
What's
the worst relationship advice about jealousy that we've ever
heard?
In between moving trips last weekend... we read some relationship
articles on-line last week that may have qualified for the
worst ever title.
What's interesting is that we read similar advice from two
different articles and two different sources. We were amazed!
What these articles were suggesting that got us so upset was
that jealousy is actually GOOD for a relationship.
In one of these articles, the author actually suggested that
women and men should do things on a regular basis to provoke
jealousy in their partner.
We're not sure of this author's motivation for suggesting
this but if their intention was to help one or both of the
partners to spice up their love life or relationship, this
certainly isn't a healthy way to go about doing it.
Passion, connection, great communication, honesty, integrity,
appreciation and love are all ways to help you create a great
relationship and to re-vitalize one that's gone a little stale.
You do not see jealousy on our list and here's why...
Jealousy is based on real or imagined fears of one kind or
another. In our opinion, you never want to do something to
intentionally make your partner jealous simply as a
motivational trick to create more intimacy. It will just backfire
if you do, creating separation, distrust and distance.
There are a couple of ways that people in these articles said
they use jealousy to spice up their relationship...
1. Using jealousy to show that they love and care for their
partner
One women told us that expressing her jealousy to her boyfriend
was good (in small doses) because he felt cared for and loved
when she did.
The trouble with her approach is that love is tied with the
negative feelings of jealousy--and when you use this approach
you have to constantly feed it more and more of the same.
Imagine how much clearer her expression of love would be if
she simply showed her love for him without using jealousy
as a crutch to "puff" him up and make him feel desirable.
2. In the attempt to ignite some passion and build desire
in a relationship, playfully flirting with a partner's friend
while the partner looks on.
Flirting to get a partner's attention can only create mistrust
and separation in the long- or short-run.
In a relationship, you want to continuously build trust instead
of tearing it down by inducing fear.
In our opinion, there are many ways to create passion, excitement
and spark in a relationship, regardless of how long you've
been together, without making the person
jealous.
Here are ways to build passion, love and connection that don't
involve using jealousy as a tool...
1. Decide to build passion, love and connection in your relationship.
If you've been using any of the destructive ways that we described
in this article to create more passion in your relationship
and they haven't really brought you closer, decide to make
some changes.
Decide to make some changes in your behavior or in what you
are no longer willing to accept in your relationship. Decide
to find out what you want in your relationship and then ask
for it.
2. Express sincere appreciation. Begin showing your appreciation
for your partner by noticing what your partner is doing "right.
Begin noticing how your partner is showing
you love in small ways and express your appreciation for that
love.
3. Ask your partner how he or she wants to be loved and listen
without getting defensive or with an agenda. If you listen
with an open heart, you might learn some things about your
partner that you didn't know.
4. Show your affection in ways that you both want. For us,
it's teasing and touching throughout the day but for the two
of you, it might be leaving love notes or text messaging your
love. Explore what expressing affection means to both of you.
Jealousy is not something that should be taken lightly.
If left unchecked, it can (and very often does) do irrevocable
damage to otherwise potentially good relationships.
For more tips to create more passion, love and connection
in your relationship, or for some great ideas for overcoming
jealousy, check out our free course at http://www.NoMoreJealousy.com
*******************
Relationship coaches Susie
and Otto Collins, authors of "Should You Stay or Should You
Go?" and "No More Jealousy" are experts at helping people
get more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to
a closer, more loving relationship, click below for your free
5-part mini-course: http://www.Relationshipgold.com
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