"Relationship
Advice for Falling 'In Like'
with Your Partner"
By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
How much
do you truly like the person you are with?
Just about
everyone in a marriage or love relationship shares a bond
or some level of deep feelings with their partner.
It might
feel like passion or even adoration to you.
Or it
could be that those excited, alive feelings about your mate
have faded a bit and now your relationship is more akin to
a genial coexistence-- or perhaps one that is tenser and less
pleasant.
Would
you like to experience a more spark-filled love with your
partner?
You might
wish it still felt like you two had just met and were glorying
in each moment of discovering one another.
What would
it feel like to be head over heels in love with your long-term
mate, and have those giddy emotions last?
We believe
that it is possible to re-ignite the spark in just about any
relationship.
Yes, it
requires a commitment to making changes and staying open to
one another.
And, yes,
it means that you need to clean up relationship habits that
stand in the way of you and your partner continuing to move
closer to one another.
It is
possible!
One way
to begin to re-connect and turn toward the relationship you've
been wanting is to fall “in like” with your partner.
“In
like” is a necessary prerequisite on the road to “in
love.” And it's not just a point toward the destination
that is regaining the spark between you two, it's a fun and
fulfilling place to be all by itself.
John was
at it again. Sitting there at the breakfast table slurping
his coffee, clicking his tongue as he reads through the paper.
As contented
as he seems with his morning routine, Rachel is livid inside.
She really doesn't want to admit it, but her husband John
drives her crazy-- and not in a “good” way.
Rachel
can't even list off the number of habits John has that annoy
her ranging from his loud table manners to his messy hobby
of rebuilding cars in their garage.
Rachel
tries to keep her discontented feelings to herself but these
usually come through in sarcastic comments she makes to him.
The saddest
thing of all is that Rachel really wants to have a happy marriage.
She remembers when she couldn't spend enough time with John,
watching him work on his hot rods and then driving with him
through the country.
He used
to even pack surprise picnic lunches and they'd spend glorious
afternoons in a field enjoying one another.
These
memories only make Rachel more irritable as she wonders what
happened to the man she fell in love with.
Shift
your focus
If all you can seem to see are the undesirable qualities in
your mate, learn how to shift your focus.
It's kind
of like when you have a leaky faucet and that sound of dripping
water becomes the total of what you perceive.
It can
be torturous as the drip, drip, dripping appears to overshadow
the birds chirping outside your window, the music playing
on your radio and other sights and sounds in your environment.
This happens
to Rachel. It seems like she can only see John sitting there
slurping, clicking and doing everything that gets on her nerves.
Start
out by practicing shifting your focus about something other
than your partner. Maybe you do have a leaky faucet.
Acknowledge
that the drip is distracting you and then consciously steer
your attention in a different direction.
Intentionally
re-focus on something else that is pleasing to you. It might
be that you get a wrench and fix the leak.
Or it
could be that you open a window and spend a few moments appreciating
the song of the birds, watching them fly around.
Rachel
begins to practice shifting her focus when she begins to get
irritated. She finds that if she tunes in to her feelings
and begins this shift when she is just starting to get annoyed,
it is an easier process.
Sometimes
she re-focuses her attention to her own breakfast, savoring
the hot tea she is drinking. Other times Rachel asks John
a question about what he's reading in the paper or what he
has planned for the day.
Ultimately,
she finds these new places to which she's giving attention
more enjoyable than fixating on what's “wrong”
with John.
Don't
stop discovering.
As we suggest that you shift your focus away from those aspects
of your partner that are displeasing, you might wonder how
that's going to re-ignite any spark in your relationship.
It could
sound more like merely tolerating one another. And it really
is-- if you only do that.
To fall
“in like” with your love, you need to begin focusing
more of your attention on those traits and habits of your
mate that you enjoy.
If there
are requests that you'd like to make of him or her, then by
all means, do so from a place of gentleness and love.
But as
you get better and better at turning your attention away from
your partner's annoying habits, you'll probably notice that
there is more to him or her than you've recently been seeing.
In fact,
you might discover new aspects of this person that you may
have been sharing life with for many years.
And it
is highly likely that when you approach your partner with
a sense of curiosity and positive expectation, you will really
start to like him or her more than before.
After
a few weeks of shifting her focus, Rachel realizes how much
she delights in conversing with John at the breakfast table.
In the
past, she's been so caught up in how horrible his manners
seem that she's missed a chance to connect with him. John
is beginning to bring up interesting news stories he's reading
about with her and they are sharing more and more invigorating
conversations about what they both are learning about in the
news.
In fact,
this morning John suggests that they take a trip to an inn
they read about in the travel section of the paper.
Rachel
proposes that they drive there in one of John's prized hot
rods that is almost ready for the road. Both feel excited
and alive as they start their day-- looking forward to this
trip and more connecting time together.
Keep discovering
new things about your mate no matter how long you two have
been together and regardless of how thoroughly you think you
know one another.
And remember
to continue to discover yourself as well. We are all changing
all of the time. You never know how deeply “in like”
you might fall with the one you love unless you open up and
stay curious.
For more
info about putting the spark back in your relationship, visit
http://www.RestarttheSpark.com
***********************************
Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors
who are passionate about helping people create lives that
are filled with more passion, love and connection. For more
tips on rekindling passion in your love relationship, visit
http://www.RedHotLoveRelationships.com
|
