"Marriage Advice When You Lose
Your Attraction for Each Other"
By Susie and Otto Collins
What
if the physical attraction in your
marriage used to be there--but now it's gone?
You love
him (or her) but you can't help but wonder just where did
the physical attraction go.
It used
to be there but now you find you're just pretending or worse
yet, you're numb and maybe don't care.
But the
fact is--if you're really honest with yourself, you do care
and you want that attraction back!
What do
you do to get that romance,
intimacy and physical attraction back?
***QUESTION FROM A READER:
"I
used to be incredibly attracted to my husband! Of course we
all age and he is doing so much faster than I am although
we are only 18 months apart. Currently, he is 47 and I am
46. I love him, he is such a great guy, but I feel so discouraged
with my lack of physical attraction to him. How can I get
that back?"
>>>OUR COMMENTS:
Losing
attraction for your partner can certainly be the so-called
elephant in the living room...
You're
afraid to talk about it because you don't want to hurt his
feelings but you know that he knows and senses how you feel--and
he's hurt anyway.
You love
him but where did the attraction go that used to be so strong?
What changed?
He could
have changed...
**more
stressed out from work
**overweight and out of shape
**seemingly less interested in s*e*x and in you
**seems old and acts old
While
all (or some of that) could be true, the real reason you aren't
physically attracted to him anymore is that something shifted
in your mind.
It might
surprise you to know but all the experts tell us that love,
passion and desire is concocted in your mind.
It's your
thoughts and your stories about your husband that determine
how attracted you are to him, especially if you were extremely
attracted to him at one time.
Just think
about it....
Have you
ever thought one way about something and then because your
thoughts changed about it--thought another way about it?
It might
be something simple like this example about baseball from
our relationship...
It used
to really get on Susie's nerves when Otto watched his favorite
baseball team--the Cincinnati Reds--on television.
This is
because when he did this, it took her back to when she was
a young girl and her father "monopolized" the family's
only tv set to watch the Cincinnati Reds baseball games.
It wasn't
until her desire to be with Otto trumped her annoyance that
she began to watch the games with him.
Not only
did she start watching the games with Otto but over time,
she went from being repulsed by the idea to actually growing
to enjoy them as she learned more about the game.
To her
surprise, now, she's actually interested in finding out how
Otto's favorite team (and now hers) is doing--which she absolutely
thought would never happen.
So what
did happen?
She's
telling herself a different story about the Reds now.
And that's
how you start to get your attraction back--you tell yourself
a different story than the one you're telling yourself now.
Do you
lie to yourself?
No--but
you do start looking for ways that he is attractive to you--even
if they are small ways.
It might
be his smile or it might be the curve of his face--or another
part of his body.
It might
be the way he reacts to your children or to your animals.
Find some
ways to look at him a little differently.
Here's
something else that might be going on...
Polarity
between the two of you could be gone.
Polarity
is the delicious clash of masculine and feminine energies
that when they come together, they almost combust.
After
years of being together, friendship may be the primary bond
that holds the two of you together--above everything else.
While
we love it that you love him and that he's a great guy, there's
no juice in that.
You want
to get the juice flowing again, don't you?
It may
sound obvious, but we suggest you try
some things to spice up your romance.
We have
many suggestions in our "Red Hot
Love Relationships" book--
http://www.RedHotLoveRelationships.com
that we think you'll find helpful in bringing
back the spark and attraction.
Something
we go into detail about in our
"Red
Hot Love Relationships" book is
something we do almost all of the time to keep romance in
our relationship strong and growing and that is...
We "flirt"
with each other a lot.
We know
we're breaking the "rules" for two
people who work together but we don't care.
Flirting
is one of those things that keeps the
flame burning hot between the two of us.
Everybody
has their own way of flirting and
if you're like most couples that had a certain
spark and attraction in the beginning, we're
sure that flirting is something you did.
Maybe
you flirted with each other a little bit or maybe a lot but
chances are you did it.
The thing
is you just have to remember how you did it when your attraction
was strong and start there...
We're
sure that if you put your mind to it, you'll remember.
And when
you remember, start doing it again, even though you may feel
a little
awkward at first.
Figure
out what your level of commitment is to finding that spark
between the two of you again.
And then
talk to your husband about how you'd like to amp up the romance
between
you--without making him wrong.
What man
would take offense if his partner
came to him in an open way--ready and
willing to explore ways to get closer?
Not many,
we're guessing.
Of course,
you have to make the choice if this is what you want--and
then start doing the things that will rekindle your passion
for each other.
We realize
that when it comes to attraction,
sometimes it's either there or it isn't there--
and no amount of energy can change that.
But if
it was there before, you have a far
better chance of uncovering it again if you
learn how to open yourself to the possibility
that it just might still be there.
Like a
lot of things in relationships--the
tendencies are to look outside yourself for
the answers--but rekindling the attraction
oddly enough starts with you.
*******************************
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins,
authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More
Jealousy" are experts at helping people get more of the love
they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more loving
relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
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