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Recipe for a Happy
Marriage
"Recipe for a Happy
Marriage"
by Susie and
Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
There are many recipes for
creating a happy marriage. Through our work with couples in our relationship
coaching practice, we've discovered a few "truths" that seem to be universal
and what we call "our" recipe for a happy marriage.
Here are 7 simple suggestions to
help you create your recipe for a happy marriage:
1. If you want to keep your
marriage alive and growing, you have to really want to keep it that way. You
have to decide that the marriage is important in your life and give it the time
and attention it needs. As we've said before, it
doesn't matter what you say or intend about your marriage. Your actions are
what speak the loudest.
Tip: Look at your actions in your marriage and make sure that
they are congruent with what you say your intentions are. Are you spending
enough time and energy on the relationship?
2. Focus on what you like and
love about the person instead of what you don't like or gets on your nerves. We
truly do get more of what we focus on. If you want to prevent infidelity,
flirting with others outside the relationship, affairs, and even
divorce and a relationship breakup, begin focusing on the positive in your
relationship and not the negative.
Tip: Stop when you start to
criticize your spouse, with words or even in your mind. Turn your thinking to
what you like about them and begin to see how your marriage gets better.
3. Kindness
matters in marriages, so be kind. Very often, people in relationships treat the
people closest to them worse than they treat acquaintances or even total
strangers. Several years ago we attended a presentation by Wayne Dyer and in
it, he told us that if you are choosing whether to be "right" or to be kind,
always choose kindness. We think that's great advice.
Tip: This week, do something
kind for your spouse that you wouldn't normally do and without expectation of
anything in return.
4. Show appreciation for your spouse and what they mean to
you.You may be thinking that you need to say "thank you" and just haven't taken
the time or energy to do it. We urge you to make a habit of expressing
appreciation. If you do, we think you'll find your marriage to be filled with
much more happiness and joy.
Tip: Look at what your spouse does for you or what they mean to
you and say a word of appreciation about it to them. It might be something as
simple as "I like your smile" or "Thank you for cooking dinner last night."
5. Ask for what
you want. Most people expect the people who are in relationship with them to be
mind readers. If you're expecting others to be psychics, you're in for a
painful ride if you're in relationship with them. If you want your needs to be
met, you have to tell people what these needs are. You also have to tell them
in a way that they can hear them. Sometimes this takes courage, but we know
that when you clearly ask for what you want, you bypass assumptions,
resentments and miscommunications.
Tip: What desire have you been
putting off communicating with your spouse? Whether it's a desire to have more
"dates" alone, more romance, or more help around the house, the only way you'll
get any of these things is to ask.
6. Listen without judging or
getting defensive. Be open to the possibility that someone else's opinion or
way of doing things may be just as valid or important as yours. Just because
their way is different, doesn't make them or you wrong. If you're constantly
judging, being defensive and building walls, you're not open to possibilities
and to the love that is possible between two people.
Tip: Choose something about your
spouse that always makes you angry or you always judge them for saying or doing
it. During one conversation, just listen to him/her without judging them with
words or even in your mind. What did you discover?
7. Be willing to risk opening
your heart and letting your spouse in. We can be in a relationship for many
years and still not allow another person to penetrate our walls of protection.
If you want to have a marriage that is alive and growing, being willing to risk
is a prerequisite.
Tip: Examine what walls you've built to keep out your spouse. It
might be that you "close down" and retreat when there's conflict between the
two of you. It might be that you are afraid to ask for what you want. We invite
you to choose one situation where you are fearful or get triggered easily and
exercise the courage to take a risk and say one thing that is real and true for
you to him/her.
This free love advice in the form of a recipe for creating a
happy marriage are not the only ones that help keep a marriage alive and
growing but this is a good place to start.
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Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors of "Should You
Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More Jealousy" are experts at helping people
get more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more
loving relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
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