"Restart the Spark by Lightening
Up"
By Susie and Otto Collins
When we
talk about the idea of restarting the spark in your marriage
or relationship, your initial flinch reaction may be this...
"It's
going to be a lot of hard work to do this and it's serious.
We'll have to really buckle down."
What we've
noticed about restarting the spark--and we do it each time
the two of us disconnect from each other--is something pretty
interesting and it may actually be counter-intuitive to your
inner beliefs.
The harder
you think and believe you have to
work to have what you want and the more serious or "heavy"
it becomes, the less likely it will happen.
The tighter
you hold yourself inside and the
more tension you feel, you miss the opportunities to open
to each other and what's there for you to claim.
Does that
mean that you sit and do nothing,
waiting for the spark to come.
No, that's
not what we're saying.
We're
saying that one of the keys to restarting the spark between
you and your partner and in your life, is when you (and hopefully
your partner) lighten up and allow some inner ease in your
life and relationships.
Here's
an example of something we did last night where the two of
us did some "lightening up."
It's a
good example of where we allowed the magic of the moment to
not rush by without using it to help us keep the spark alive
and growing between the two of us.
Here briefly
is what happened...
The two
of us were at the gym working out and you guessed it--we were
there as part of a renewed goal to be healthier and more fit
this year.
The two
of us were in different parts of the facility, until Otto
came over to Susie to whisper in her ear.
He told
her that he noticed how attractive she was and he was sure
that other people
noticed as well.
We had
a few moments of flirting with each
other and then we went back to our work outs.
Our renewed
goal of being healthier and more fit could be considered "hard
work" and serious--or we could make it fun and a way
to deepen our connection.
We both
felt a bit lighter after that moment in the gym--and more
deeply connected.
And it
was something we did to create a an intimate, special and
even sexy moment between us when there were lots of people
all around us.
Let us
explain a little more about what it might mean to you in practical
terms to "lighten up"...
**It can
mean stopping yourself if you have a
tendency to try to control or fix others. You can ask yourself
"Is this any of my business?"
**It can
mean simply telling yourself "I love you" if you
feel criticized. That "I love you" can help you
feel easier about yourself so you don't respond from defensiveness
but rather from a desire to understand what the other person
is really saying.
**It can
mean re-evaluating your "shoulds" that cause you
inner tension when you do them.
**It can
mean joyfully acting more from what
you value in your life and what's important to you.
**It can
mean stopping yourself from being so focused on getting a
job done that you ignore your loved one. While we know the
value of focus, we also know the value of connection.
**It can
mean asking for help and not expecting the other person to
be a mind reader.
**It can
mean receiving without guilt or any
other hang-up you might have about it.
**It can
also mean doing something completely silly or loving to lighten
up the energy. (You have to be careful about this one to make
sure that the other person doesn't feel like his or her ideas
or words are minimized.)
We could
go on and on and we hope that these examples have sparked
some ideas of your own along these lines.
So this
week, we invite you to look at how you can lighten up in your
life and connect
more--either with yourself or your loved ones.
Take this
opportunity to restart the spark in your life and relationships
and see how marvelous this year can really be.
For more
info about getting closer in your marriage, visit
http://www.RestarttheSpark.com
*******************************
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins,
authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More
Jealousy" are experts at helping people get more of the love
they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more loving
relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
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