"3 Ways
to Build Trust"
By Susie and Otto Collins
Trust
is often taken for granted when it comes to intimate relationships.
We trust-- or don’t trust-- that the agreements we’ve
made with one another will be kept. These may include staying
faithful to one another, continuing to deepen your connection,
or “being there” for each other no matter what
among other possible agreements..
But when
we really look at the day to day lives we lead with our partner,
is there really a strong sense of trust?
Weaknesses
in trust can range from intense to more subtle. Perhaps--
with no real evidence to indicate it-- you worry about your
partner cheating on you or maybe you doubt he or she will
love you if you let your true self show. It could be that
you regularly expect that your love will not follow through
on a promised project or task. No matter where on the spectrum
lack of trust falls, it gets in the way of your relationship
being as intimate as it could be.
Consider
this illustration…..
Imagine
you are 50 ft. up in the air on a climbing wall with nothing
keeping you from falling except a harness, rope and your climbing
partner—or belayer—who stands on the ground holding
that rope. From the top of the wall you gaze down at the ground
and begin to wonder: How sturdy is this rope that is holding
me up? Will my belayer prevent me from falling and get me
down safely? Needless to say, vulnerable feelings and just
a little bit of fear may come rushing in.
It is
up to your belayer to pay attention to what you are doing
and to adjust the rope accordingly. It is also up to you,
the climber, to trust that you will be eased gently down the
wall to the ground when you have reached the top. A distracted
belayer could mean not only a bumpy ride down the wall, but
also your safety in jeopardy. At the same time, an untrusting
climber could hang indefinitely on the wall refusing to move.
It is literally a leap of faith when you let go of the holds
and allow yourself to be lowered down. Climber and belayer
must work together, stay present, and communicate clearly
so that the climbing experience will be enjoyable and not
end up an emergency room visit!
So it
goes with intimate relationships. It is not uncommon for one
or both people to feel vulnerable and wonder whether or not
the other person will be there when needed. Without trust
in one another, intimacy cannot grow and your relationship
can become stuck.
Try these
3 ways for creating trust and intimacy with your partner….
1. Let
go of the past.
Almost every one of us has had a past relationship that left
us feeling wary of loving or trusting anyone again. Tune into
your current situation and allow yourself to move on from
those old hurts. This may require acknowledging the ways that
the past comes up for you in the present. Breathe and remind
yourself to let go of the past and focus on what’s currently
going on.
2. Be
yourself.
Sometimes
we hide habits, tendencies, even desires that are important
to us because we don’t trust that our partner will approve
of them. We undercut intimacy by keeping this barrier up to
hide what we think won’t be loved. In effect, we don’t
feel lovable as our true selves. Make it a goal to appreciate
yourself—“warts” and all—and then
allow every part of you to be seen by your partner. Chances
are your love will be more accepting than you think.
3. Listen
and understand.
Just as
communicating is vital to the climber and belayer, it is also
important to anyone wanting to increase intimacy in a love
relationship. When situations come up that challenge your
trust in the other person, stop and ask him or her questions
about what appears to be happening. It is likely that your
perceptions are not accurate. Listen with an open heart and
allow yourself to understand what is going on for the other
person.
These
3 ways can help you begin to turn a relationship weak in trust
into one where strong trust fosters deeper intimacy. It starts
with letting go, loving yourself, and listening with an open
heart.
Sign up for a free mini course on
rebuilding trust after it's been broken at http://www.RelationshipTrust.com
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Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins,
authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More
Jealousy" are experts at helping people get more of the love
they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more loving
relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
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