Comments for Relationship Gold http://www.relationshipgold.com Love, Relationship and Communication Secrets for Creating a Lifetime of Love Thu, 16 Feb 2012 17:39:53 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Comment on How Long Does it Take to Build Trust After It’s Been Broken? by RelGold http://www.relationshipgold.com/relationship-trust/howlong.htm#comment-396 RelGold Thu, 16 Feb 2012 17:39:53 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/rg/trust/howlong.htm#comment-396 Melanie: To answer your question, YES, it is possible for someone to forgive a partner for false accusations or any mistake. Form what you write, it sounds like you are doing many things that will help make this possible. You have taken ownership for holding a painful betrayal from your past against your current partner. You are taking steps to learn new habits and make changes. Now, it's up to your partner to decide if he is willing to move past this and rebuild your relationship. In some ways, he's going to have to rebuild trust in you just like you've had to re-learn how to trust a partner because of past relationship experiences. He is going to need to be present with you and not hold your mistakes (in making false accusations) against you. This can be a challenge but it is definitely possible for you both to come through this together and end up with a healthy and happy relationship. The key is for you to be patient and give your partner the time he needs to decide if he can let go of the past AND keep working on yourself and showing him with your actions that you truly have changed. Here is a free article about how to use the "right" words when making an apology: http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/rightwords.htm# Best Wishes, Susie and Otto Melanie: To answer your question, YES, it is possible for someone to forgive a partner for false accusations or any mistake. Form what you write, it sounds like you are doing many things that will help make this possible. You have taken ownership for holding a painful betrayal from your past against your current partner. You are taking steps to learn new habits and make changes. Now, it’s up to your partner to decide if he is willing to move past this and rebuild your relationship.

In some ways, he’s going to have to rebuild trust in you just like you’ve had to re-learn how to trust a partner because of past relationship experiences. He is going to need to be present with you and not hold your mistakes (in making false accusations) against you. This can be a challenge but it is definitely possible for you both to come through this together and end up with a healthy and happy relationship.

The key is for you to be patient and give your partner the time he needs to decide if he can let go of the past AND keep working on yourself and showing him with your actions that you truly have changed.

Here is a free article about how to use the “right” words when making an apology:
http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/rightwords.htm#

Best Wishes,
Susie and Otto

]]> Comment on How Long Does it Take to Build Trust After It’s Been Broken? by Melanie http://www.relationshipgold.com/relationship-trust/howlong.htm#comment-395 Melanie Wed, 15 Feb 2012 22:58:11 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/rg/trust/howlong.htm#comment-395 If I had issues in trusting from my past and I was not trusting my boyfriend 100% even though he did nothing to warrant my mistrust (he had proven himself trustworthy after 5 months together), - because a certain close friendship he had with an ex-girlfriend triggered questions for almost a month about their friendship because it reminded me of a past experience I had with a past boyfriend who left me for his ex-girlfriend best friend...my questioning of my boyfriend's friendship with his ex, pushed him away unknowingly...when I realized the hurt I caused and how it was my fault not his, I took full responsibility for my issue: aplogized to him, confessed it was me and not him, and started seeking counseling to modify my behavior and thinking overnight, journaling, praying, etc...and I told him I could trust him because he is trustworthy and to please give me a chance to prove that to him. He still is not sure he should rebuild the relationship with me or move on. I know i can trust him and it was my issue. I am really good at sustaining change, if I have an issue I am causing in my relationships. Is it possible for someone to forgive and give another chance for false mistrust, once the person who has caused the false mistrust has promised to change and make it better? Or is a relationship ruined once you make a mistake like mine, in bringing the sins of someone else into your current relationship, and falsely mistrusting someone? I am so sorry...I realize what I have done, and hope it is not too late. If I had issues in trusting from my past and I was not trusting my boyfriend 100% even though he did nothing to warrant my mistrust (he had proven himself trustworthy after 5 months together), – because a certain close friendship he had with an ex-girlfriend triggered questions for almost a month about their friendship because it reminded me of a past experience I had with a past boyfriend who left me for his ex-girlfriend best friend…my questioning of my boyfriend’s friendship with his ex, pushed him away unknowingly…when I realized the hurt I caused and how it was my fault not his, I took full responsibility for my issue: aplogized to him, confessed it was me and not him, and started seeking counseling to modify my behavior and thinking overnight, journaling, praying, etc…and I told him I could trust him because he is trustworthy and to please give me a chance to prove that to him. He still is not sure he should rebuild the relationship with me or move on. I know i can trust him and it was my issue. I am really good at sustaining change, if I have an issue I am causing in my relationships. Is it possible for someone to forgive and give another chance for false mistrust, once the person who has caused the false mistrust has promised to change and make it better? Or is a relationship ruined once you make a mistake like mine, in bringing the sins of someone else into your current relationship, and falsely mistrusting someone? I am so sorry…I realize what I have done, and hope it is not too late.

]]> Comment on Troubled Relationship? The Right Questions Make All the Difference by RelGold http://www.relationshipgold.com/relationship-advice/questions2.htm#comment-367 RelGold Tue, 31 Jan 2012 19:25:46 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/rg/relationships/questions2.htm#comment-367 Jaime: Thank you for your comment. It sounds like both you and your boyfriend are going through a really rough time. From what you write, it is probable that the stress of him being laid off may be a big part of why you two argued more than usual. Before you try to contact him again, take a step back and ask yourself this question... "Is it wise for us to get back together again?" Try to answer this question as objectively as you can. Rely not only on how you feel and what you want, but also on how you regularly treat each other. There might be a lot of love but there could be reasons why its unwise for you to get back together again-- or, it might be wise for you two to reunite. If he will talk with you and you decide that it is wise to get back together again, be honest with him about that. If he is willing to get back together again, consider creating agreements about how you each can communicate differently. Arguments will happen from time to time but it's not healthy for a relationship if they happen a lot. This is especially not healthy for your young child to be around. Here are a couple of free resources that you might find helpful: http://susieandotto.hubpages.com/hub/Urge-to-Get-Back-Together-with-Your-Ex http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/agreements.htm# http://www.susieandotto.com/2010/05/conflict_anger_sarcasm_and_the.htm# Best Wishes, Susie and Otto Jaime:
Thank you for your comment. It sounds like both you and your boyfriend are going through a really rough time. From what you write, it is probable that the stress of him being laid off may be a big part of why you two argued more than usual. Before you try to contact him again, take a step back and ask yourself this question…

“Is it wise for us to get back together again?”

Try to answer this question as objectively as you can. Rely not only on how you feel and what you want, but also on how you regularly treat each other. There might be a lot of love but there could be reasons why its unwise for you to get back together again– or, it might be wise for you two to reunite.

If he will talk with you and you decide that it is wise to get back together again, be honest with him about that. If he is willing to get back together again, consider creating agreements about how you each can communicate differently. Arguments will happen from time to time but it’s not healthy for a relationship if they happen a lot. This is especially not healthy for your young child to be around.

Here are a couple of free resources that you might find helpful:
http://susieandotto.hubpages.com/hub/Urge-to-Get-Back-Together-with-Your-Ex
http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/agreements.htm#
http://www.susieandotto.com/2010/05/conflict_anger_sarcasm_and_the.htm#

Best Wishes,
Susie and Otto

]]> Comment on Relationship Advice When Things Get Tense… by RelGold http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/relationship-advice-when-things-get-tense.htm#comment-366 RelGold Tue, 31 Jan 2012 19:18:05 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/?p=3341#comment-366 Jessica: Thank you for your comment. From what you write, it sounds like there are a few inter-connected issues going on in your relationship. 1) Your mistrust because of his past betrayals 2) discomfort about money, his financial contribution (or lack of contribution) 3) what the future holds and possibly more. If it helps, break the issues you have down so that they might feel more manageable. When it comes to finances, for example, there are definitely some agreements that you two can make. You can support his dreams to be in the hip hop world AND have clear agreements with him about what you will contribute to supporting the two of you while he also makes a contribution. There are plenty of people who hold down full or part-time jobs while they also pursue their dreams. He can get creative and find ways to help without abandoning his dreams. In terms of the past lying (betrayals), this is an important opportunity for you two to work together to rebuild trust. He can be more open and transparent with you. Again, agreements are very useful tools. The trick is to make sure you are working together to come up with an agreement that you both truly will follow and that you both can live with. Here is an article about how to create conscious agreements: http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/agreements.htm# Stay aware. If he is acting "weird around his phone," try to focus in on the reliable information you have about that. Without making an accusation or interrogating him (this is will only put him on the defensive), try to get to some facts that you can verify and then make decisions about what you will do from there. Ultimately, you want to make decisions about what is in your best interests. Yes, he is your best friend and you two have been together for a long time. But, make sure you are staying in the relationship because it's wise as well as something you want to continue Best Wishes, Susie and Otto Jessica: Thank you for your comment. From what you write, it sounds like there are a few inter-connected issues going on in your relationship. 1) Your mistrust because of his past betrayals 2) discomfort about money, his financial contribution (or lack of contribution) 3) what the future holds and possibly more.

If it helps, break the issues you have down so that they might feel more manageable. When it comes to finances, for example, there are definitely some agreements that you two can make. You can support his dreams to be in the hip hop world AND have clear agreements with him about what you will contribute to supporting the two of you while he also makes a contribution. There are plenty of people who hold down full or part-time jobs while they also pursue their dreams. He can get creative and find ways to help without abandoning his dreams.

In terms of the past lying (betrayals), this is an important opportunity for you two to work together to rebuild trust. He can be more open and transparent with you. Again, agreements are very useful tools. The trick is to make sure you are working together to come up with an agreement that you both truly will follow and that you both can live with. Here is an article about how to create conscious agreements: http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/agreements.htm#

Stay aware. If he is acting “weird around his phone,” try to focus in on the reliable information you have about that. Without making an accusation or interrogating him (this is will only put him on the defensive), try to get to some facts that you can verify and then make decisions about what you will do from there. Ultimately, you want to make decisions about what is in your best interests. Yes, he is your best friend and you two have been together for a long time. But, make sure you are staying in the relationship because it’s wise as well as something you want to continue

Best Wishes,
Susie and Otto

]]> Comment on Relationship Advice When Things Get Tense… by Jessica http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/relationship-advice-when-things-get-tense.htm#comment-362 Jessica Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:37:34 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/?p=3341#comment-362 My bf and I have been together for 8 years since hs. We've stayed together through a lot of tough times! Addiction, health problem with my mom, his grand father dieing, him talking to girls, never admitted he cheated but his stories ab other guys makes me question that, life changing things and so much more. I have learned to trust him again its been over 2 year's. Recently he decided he wants to be in the hip hop world. I'm all for him making his dream come true. I try to give him space. But he acts weird around his phone which he's done in the past. Last this happened I had this strong gut feeling and OMG I was right. All the emails back n forth between this girl n him. Like "I love u... I never loved her" and I'm gonna break up with her to be with u and bad bad stuff! I forgave him moved forward and in ab a month. We r ab to move into a home together. The thing is he has no job right now n I'm scared I pay for things now n can barely make it. I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake or not every time I try to talk ab it he gets defensive majority of the time all other times he says it will be OK my parents will help us. I don't want help I appreciate it. I would like for us to try. Idk ab marriage he says he wants to but I feel like he says it to see how I react to it he knows I would but I feel like he toys with my emotions. Help me! Yea and we have been together since 16! He's more than my bf he's my best friend. I think he feels the grass is greener on the other side but I wonder it myself too. My bf and I have been together for 8 years since hs. We’ve stayed together through a lot of tough times! Addiction, health problem with my mom, his grand father dieing, him talking to girls, never admitted he cheated but his stories ab other guys makes me question that, life changing things and so much more. I have learned to trust him again its been over 2 year’s. Recently he decided he wants to be in the hip hop world. I’m all for him making his dream come true. I try to give him space. But he acts weird around his phone which he’s done in the past. Last this happened I had this strong gut feeling and OMG I was right. All the emails back n forth between this girl n him. Like “I love u… I never loved her” and I’m gonna break up with her to be with u and bad bad stuff! I forgave him moved forward and in ab a month. We r ab to move into a home together. The thing is he has no job right now n I’m scared I pay for things now n can barely make it. I don’t know if I’m making a huge mistake or not every time I try to talk ab it he gets defensive majority of the time all other times he says it will be OK my parents will help us. I don’t want help I appreciate it. I would like for us to try. Idk ab marriage he says he wants to but I feel like he says it to see how I react to it he knows I would but I feel like he toys with my emotions. Help me! Yea and we have been together since 16! He’s more than my bf he’s my best friend. I think he feels the grass is greener on the other side but I wonder it myself too.

]]> Comment on Troubled Relationship? The Right Questions Make All the Difference by jaime http://www.relationshipgold.com/relationship-advice/questions2.htm#comment-361 jaime Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:37:02 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/rg/relationships/questions2.htm#comment-361 Recently my boyfriend of little over a year got into an argument...we have been arguing alot lately do to stress n him being laid of resulting in us being together all the time. After no signs..we get in an argument packs his stuff and moves out...he's been texting me saying his life sucks and he hates his life...nut instead of coming back he don't. I haven't heard from him in almost 48 hours and I will not contact him. He needed time to forgive and forget he says so in giving it to him I miss him so much and we are still inlove even he admitted he was that's why its so hard...I need answers. I have a 3 yr old that basicly was his kid as well...I truly believe he left out pf anger n regrets it but doesn't wanna back down n come back to us right away. Idk I told him he had 2 weeks tops before I looked at it as we were all done. Please give me some insight on what I can do or think. Recently my boyfriend of little over a year got into an argument…we have been arguing alot lately do to stress n him being laid of resulting in us being together all the time. After no signs..we get in an argument packs his stuff and moves out…he’s been texting me saying his life sucks and he hates his life…nut instead of coming back he don’t. I haven’t heard from him in almost 48 hours and I will not contact him. He needed time to forgive and forget he says so in giving it to him
I miss him so much and we are still inlove even he admitted he was that’s why its so hard…I need answers. I have a 3 yr old that basicly was his kid as well…I truly believe he left out pf anger n regrets it but doesn’t wanna back down n come back to us right away. Idk I told him he had 2 weeks tops before I looked at it as we were all done. Please give me some insight on what I can do or think.

]]> Comment on Relationship Advice When Things Get Tense… by Male Escort http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/relationship-advice-when-things-get-tense.htm#comment-335 Male Escort Wed, 18 Jan 2012 05:49:24 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/?p=3341#comment-335 @ Belinda, I have an advice for you. Try to connect with your husband emotionally, while forgetting about all sexual dissatisfaction your are getting from him. Try to reach to his heart again and talk about the issues, which are bothering him. For time being, just try to reconnect on emotional, intellectual and spiritual level along with NO FIGHTS policy, and you will find out, your husband again making sexual advances to you in a month's time! @ Belinda, I have an advice for you. Try to connect with your husband emotionally, while forgetting about all sexual dissatisfaction your are getting from him. Try to reach to his heart again and talk about the issues, which are bothering him. For time being, just try to reconnect on emotional, intellectual and spiritual level along with NO FIGHTS policy, and you will find out, your husband again making sexual advances to you in a month’s time!

]]> Comment on Relationship Advice When Things Get Tense… by RelGold http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/relationship-advice-when-things-get-tense.htm#comment-317 RelGold Wed, 11 Jan 2012 19:56:29 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/?p=3341#comment-317 Belinda: Thank you for posting. It is certainly true that, for many couples, intimacy troubles come up when there are unresolved issues and resentments that have built up. It sounds like this might be at least part of what is going on in your relationship. Take the time to identify the things that still feel raw, painful and unresolved for you when it comes to your husband. Are there some new ways to look at these unresolved problems so that you can find some healing, release and resolution? The more you can find a solution that you both can be okay with, the easier it will be to let go of your resentment and be more open to intimacy. This might also be a case where it's time to forgive and let go of whatever happened in the past. Your husband might be dealing with some similar challenges to his sex drive-- holding on to old resentments. Things like stress and insecurity can also really diminish sex drive. Watch your thoughts. If you make sexual advances toward your husband and he is not in the mood, pay attention to what you are thinking about that. Could it be that this is not a personal rejection after all? Could it be that he's got other things going on that are affecting his sex drive? Is he open to connecting with you in other ways when he's not in the mood for sex? Are you open to this? Try to find new ways to connect with him that are sensual, sexual and non-sexual too. And, ultimately, know that you get to choose whether or not you want to stay in the marriage. If things have changed for you and you are not happy in the relationship (and can't see signs that things are changing), then it might be wise to consider whether staying in the marriage or leaving it is what you want to do. Best Wishes, Susie and Otto Belinda: Thank you for posting. It is certainly true that, for many couples, intimacy troubles come up when there are unresolved issues and resentments that have built up. It sounds like this might be at least part of what is going on in your relationship.

Take the time to identify the things that still feel raw, painful and unresolved for you when it comes to your husband. Are there some new ways to look at these unresolved problems so that you can find some healing, release and resolution? The more you can find a solution that you both can be okay with, the easier it will be to let go of your resentment and be more open to intimacy. This might also be a case where it’s time to forgive and let go of whatever happened in the past.

Your husband might be dealing with some similar challenges to his sex drive– holding on to old resentments. Things like stress and insecurity can also really diminish sex drive.

Watch your thoughts. If you make sexual advances toward your husband and he is not in the mood, pay attention to what you are thinking about that. Could it be that this is not a personal rejection after all? Could it be that he’s got other things going on that are affecting his sex drive? Is he open to connecting with you in other ways when he’s not in the mood for sex? Are you open to this?

Try to find new ways to connect with him that are sensual, sexual and non-sexual too.

And, ultimately, know that you get to choose whether or not you want to stay in the marriage. If things have changed for you and you are not happy in the relationship (and can’t see signs that things are changing), then it might be wise to consider whether staying in the marriage or leaving it is what you want to do.

Best Wishes,
Susie and Otto

]]> Comment on Relationship Advice When Things Get Tense… by belinda http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/relationship-advice-when-things-get-tense.htm#comment-313 belinda Tue, 10 Jan 2012 23:00:55 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/?p=3341#comment-313 Hi there, I need help. I feel like i'm falling out of love with my husband. we've been together for 6 years and we've been through a lot together- in-law issues, finances, me sacrificing and coping with a lot in general. we have a 6month old daughter who we both adore but recently we've been having intimacy issues where my hubby cant respond to me making sexual advances towards him, its only when he's in the mood and i have my own rejection issues so i resort to porn or masturbate when i'm in the mood so i don't get rejected by him. this has been going on for about 2years now. I feel like the combination of all our issues and now this recent one is pushing me over the edge to the point that i feel like i don't even like him as a person anymore but he's a really good man. Now we butt heads all the time over the simplest things. please help me! Belinda Hi there,

I need help. I feel like i’m falling out of love with my husband.
we’ve been together for 6 years and we’ve been through a lot together- in-law issues, finances, me sacrificing and coping with a lot in general.
we have a 6month old daughter who we both adore but recently we’ve been having intimacy issues where my hubby cant respond to me making sexual advances towards him, its only when he’s in the mood and i have my own rejection issues so i resort to porn or masturbate when i’m in the mood so i don’t get rejected by him.
this has been going on for about 2years now.
I feel like the combination of all our issues and now this recent one is pushing me over the edge to the point that i feel like i don’t even like him as a person anymore but he’s a really good man.
Now we butt heads all the time over the simplest things.
please help me!

Belinda

]]> Comment on Relationship Advice When Things Get Tense… by RelGold http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/relationship-advice-when-things-get-tense.htm#comment-312 RelGold Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:56:17 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/?p=3341#comment-312 Marisa: Thank you for your comment. To put it very simply, we recommend that you stay aware. Your partner's jealous reaction might have a lot more to do with his past experiences than to what actually happened with you (the text from your ex). The best thing you can do is to stay calm, don't get defensive, be open and honest AND to be willing to set boundaries when necessary. Don't assume that he will again be jealous or over-react, but be aware if he does. If it seems that he does have a habit of being jealous, you can create some agreements with him about this. Acknowledge to him what's going on and how you feel about his behavior. Ask him how you can work with him to bring improvements. Him checking your personal email or phone records does not need to be a regular occurrence. You allowed this once, but this doesn't mean he gets to do this all of the time. This might be a boundary you decide to set if that comes up again. It's a bit of a tricky line. If you don't have anything to hide, you probably don't want to act as if you do by getting defensive or secretive. At the same time, it's not okay for him to interrogate, accuse you or go through your private information without your permission. If your partner has had past betrayals or if he is insecure, take this into consideration. You cannot make him deal with things like this, but this is what he'll need to do if he does have a jealous habit and he wants to overcome it. Again, the experience you had may not be something that he repeats. Maybe he does not have a jealous habit. Just stay aware and make choices about what you will and won't allow in this relationship that feel authentic and respectful to you. You might find this free article helpful: http://www.collinspartners.com/relationships/jealouspartner.html Best Wishes, Susie and Otto Marisa: Thank you for your comment. To put it very simply, we recommend that you stay aware. Your partner’s jealous reaction might have a lot more to do with his past experiences than to what actually happened with you (the text from your ex). The best thing you can do is to stay calm, don’t get defensive, be open and honest AND to be willing to set boundaries when necessary.

Don’t assume that he will again be jealous or over-react, but be aware if he does. If it seems that he does have a habit of being jealous, you can create some agreements with him about this. Acknowledge to him what’s going on and how you feel about his behavior. Ask him how you can work with him to bring improvements.

Him checking your personal email or phone records does not need to be a regular occurrence. You allowed this once, but this doesn’t mean he gets to do this all of the time. This might be a boundary you decide to set if that comes up again.

It’s a bit of a tricky line. If you don’t have anything to hide, you probably don’t want to act as if you do by getting defensive or secretive. At the same time, it’s not okay for him to interrogate, accuse you or go through your private information without your permission.

If your partner has had past betrayals or if he is insecure, take this into consideration. You cannot make him deal with things like this, but this is what he’ll need to do if he does have a jealous habit and he wants to overcome it.

Again, the experience you had may not be something that he repeats. Maybe he does not have a jealous habit. Just stay aware and make choices about what you will and won’t allow in this relationship that feel authentic and respectful to you.

You might find this free article helpful: http://www.collinspartners.com/relationships/jealouspartner.html

Best Wishes,
Susie and Otto

]]> Comment on Relationship Advice When Things Get Tense… by Marisa http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/relationship-advice-when-things-get-tense.htm#comment-310 Marisa Mon, 09 Jan 2012 18:09:53 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/?p=3341#comment-310 Just recently the guy I've been dating for a month made it clear to me that he is ready for a serious relationship. I was a little thrown back by this statement because we had only seen eachother a handfull when he said this. I like him alot, hey I may be falling for this guy but I feel this may be going too fast. When he ask for us to be exclusive he did say he didn't want to waste his or my time and that he is not the type of guy to be with more than one women so he wanted the same and if I wasn't ready for that to let him know, I said I was. This past weekend I spend the night with him and I received a text around 2:00 am stating "I wish u was here with me", this was from a guy I used to date just like two months ago, he saw the text and his mood changed immediately. He demanded for me to call the guy and tell him that he stop texting or calling me and to put him on speaker so he could hear his response. It felt really awcquard however with some hesitation I did it. The guy sounded like he was surprised that I would ask that but he simply said ok and that he didn't know that. After I hung up he ask if I had spoken to him since we bacame exclusive and I said no. He then proceeded to tell me that It sounded like I did. He also stated that we could check my phone record to see if I was not lying. That's when I said that was a little extreme and that why wouldn't he trust me. He said is not that I don't trust you but if you don't have anything to hide then there shouldn't be a problem. I said ok whatever but I'm not going to be too happy after he checks through my personal phone record but that I didn't have anything to hide, and then I went to sleep. In the morning I told him so you want to check let's go in the computer and he said no that was ok. Wow I really like him alot but that was like Wow.... I don't know what to do???? Just recently the guy I’ve been dating for a month made it clear to me that he is ready for a serious relationship. I was a little thrown back by this statement because we had only seen eachother a handfull when he said this. I like him alot, hey I may be falling for this guy but I feel this may be going too fast. When he ask for us to be exclusive he did say he didn’t want to waste his or my time and that he is not the type of guy to be with more than one women so he wanted the same and if I wasn’t ready for that to let him know, I said I was. This past weekend I spend the night with him and I received a text around 2:00 am stating “I wish u was here with me”, this was from a guy I used to date just like two months ago, he saw the text and his mood changed immediately. He demanded for me to call the guy and tell him that he stop texting or calling me and to put him on speaker so he could hear his response. It felt really awcquard however with some hesitation I did it. The guy sounded like he was surprised that I would ask that but he simply said ok and that he didn’t know that. After I hung up he ask if I had spoken to him since we bacame exclusive and I said no. He then proceeded to tell me that It sounded like I did. He also stated that we could check my phone record to see if I was not lying. That’s when I said that was a little extreme and that why wouldn’t he trust me. He said is not that I don’t trust you but if you don’t have anything to hide then there shouldn’t be a problem. I said ok whatever but I’m not going to be too happy after he checks through my personal phone record but that I didn’t have anything to hide, and then I went to sleep. In the morning I told him so you want to check let’s go in the computer and he said no that was ok. Wow I really like him alot but that was like Wow…. I don’t know what to do????

]]> Comment on Spicing Up Your Love Relationship in 4 Easy Steps by Thelma Gollier http://www.relationshipgold.com/lovemaking/loverelationship.htm#comment-299 Thelma Gollier Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:53:47 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/rg/lovemaking/loverelationship.htm#comment-299 thanks for your thoughts on this, I felt a bit struck by this article. Thanks again! thanks for your thoughts on this, I felt a bit struck by this article. Thanks again!

]]> Comment on Troubled Relationship? The Right Questions Make All the Difference by RelGold http://www.relationshipgold.com/relationship-advice/questions2.htm#comment-290 RelGold Wed, 28 Dec 2011 17:02:32 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/rg/relationships/questions2.htm#comment-290 carmandy: Thank you for posting. When trying to decide whether or not to stay in or leave a relationship the biggest question is this: "Is staying wise and in my best interests?" It sounds like you have a lot of reasons why it would be wise for you to leave the relationship. Among these are his telling you that he wants to hit you. It is a good thing that he has not done this yet, but it sounds like there might be abuse of other kinds and perhaps an escalation of tension too. This is a potentially dangerous mix. His secretiveness about your relationship along with his accusations that you lie and cheat are all warning signs that you need to take seriously. We can't tell you definitively whether or not your relationship is repairable or even whether or not you should end the relationship. What we will urge you to do is to re-affirm to yourself the kind of relationship experience that you DO want. From what you wrote, it sounds like you are clear about some things that you do NOT want. Take that and acknowledge what it is you do want-- know that you deserve to have the kind of relationship experience you want. If you aren't getting any positive signs that your partner is willing to make changes in his behavior and work with you to create the kind of relationship you want, then maybe it is wise for you to leave the relationship. Again, the choice is yours to make. We have a free mini-course to help people who are making this important decision about whether to stay in or leave that you can get here: http://www.relationshiptrust.com/5mistakessignup.htm# Best Wishes, Susie and Otto carmandy: Thank you for posting. When trying to decide whether or not to stay in or leave a relationship the biggest question is this: “Is staying wise and in my best interests?” It sounds like you have a lot of reasons why it would be wise for you to leave the relationship. Among these are his telling you that he wants to hit you. It is a good thing that he has not done this yet, but it sounds like there might be abuse of other kinds and perhaps an escalation of tension too. This is a potentially dangerous mix.

His secretiveness about your relationship along with his accusations that you lie and cheat are all warning signs that you need to take seriously. We can’t tell you definitively whether or not your relationship is repairable or even whether or not you should end the relationship.

What we will urge you to do is to re-affirm to yourself the kind of relationship experience that you DO want. From what you wrote, it sounds like you are clear about some things that you do NOT want. Take that and acknowledge what it is you do want– know that you deserve to have the kind of relationship experience you want. If you aren’t getting any positive signs that your partner is willing to make changes in his behavior and work with you to create the kind of relationship you want, then maybe it is wise for you to leave the relationship.

Again, the choice is yours to make.

We have a free mini-course to help people who are making this important decision about whether to stay in or leave that you can get here: http://www.relationshiptrust.com/5mistakessignup.htm#

Best Wishes,
Susie and Otto

]]> Comment on Troubled Relationship? The Right Questions Make All the Difference by carmandy http://www.relationshipgold.com/relationship-advice/questions2.htm#comment-289 carmandy Wed, 28 Dec 2011 07:19:37 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/rg/relationships/questions2.htm#comment-289 Hi, I am in a relationship with a man I think I am in love with but I can't make him happy. He has a few ex's and kids. I know his past and accept him. We argue over trivial things. He always acusses me of lieing to him, and acuses me of cheating. We have been together for a year and he doesn't want anyone to know that we are dating. More spacifically he doesn't want it getting back to his ex's. In the past he was so sweet and treated me like a princess. But lately all I do is make him mad. In one of our past arguement he told me he wanted to hit me. He has never layed a hand on me. He won't make plans with me and knows how crazy I am about him. Today I just come to the realization that no matter what I do I won't be able to make him happy. He said he thought we were a family up until I told my family that we are dating. Lately all he does is make me cry, and he is cruel. I know what do I find so attractive? I am asking myself the same question. In my mind I end this relationship but I don't have the courage to do it in real life. Is my relationship repairable, should I get out? What should I do? Hi,
I am in a relationship with a man I think I am in love with but I can’t make him happy. He has a few ex’s and kids. I know his past and accept him. We argue over trivial things. He always acusses me of lieing to him, and acuses me of cheating. We have been together for a year and he doesn’t want anyone to know that we are dating. More spacifically he doesn’t want it getting back to his ex’s. In the past he was so sweet and treated me like a princess. But lately all I do is make him mad. In one of our past arguement he told me he wanted to hit me. He has never layed a hand on me. He won’t make plans with me and knows how crazy I am about him. Today I just come to the realization that no matter what I do I won’t be able to make him happy. He said he thought we were a family up until I told my family that we are dating. Lately all he does is make me cry, and he is cruel. I know what do I find so attractive? I am asking myself the same question. In my mind I end this relationship but I don’t have the courage to do it in real life. Is my relationship repairable, should I get out? What should I do?

]]> Comment on Relationship Advice When Things Get Tense… by RelGold http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/relationship-advice-when-things-get-tense.htm#comment-287 RelGold Sun, 25 Dec 2011 23:53:11 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/?p=3341#comment-287 Samantha: Thank you for posting your comment. The first thing we want to do is to help you differentiate between feeling anxious and fearful when the perceived "threat" to your relationship is based on reliable information and when it is not. For some people, jealousy is based on fearful thoughts that have little to do with the present situation and have more to do with the past or with imagined threats. In other cases, there are things going on in the relationship that are undermining trust and are possibly signs that relationship agreements are being broken (in other words, flirting, lying, infidelity, etc.) From what you write, it sounds like your boyfriend is talking to you about other women in ways that are undermining trust and that also might feel disrespectful and hurtful to you. It is important that as you decide what to do about this (whether it's talking to him or sorting through this in your mind), you keep your focus on the reliable information. You can hear him talk about what he'd like to do and what he says he would do (be with two women, etc.). If there are signs that he might have acted on his words and cheated, pay attention to that. If he hasn't acted on what he says he'd like to do (be with another woman too), you can talk with him about this. Without accusing him of something that you don't have proof about, tell him how you feel when he talks like this. Using the phrase "I feel _____ when you say ____" can help you be honest. You might also re-affirm with him your agreements-- especially if you have an agreement to be monogamous. You can't force him to stop wanting to be with other women too but you can set some boundaries. You can ask him to stop talking to you like this. You can also honestly ask yourself if it is healthy and in your best interest to stay in this relationship. Best Wishes, Susie and Otto Samantha: Thank you for posting your comment. The first thing we want to do is to help you differentiate between feeling anxious and fearful when the perceived “threat” to your relationship is based on reliable information and when it is not. For some people, jealousy is based on fearful thoughts that have little to do with the present situation and have more to do with the past or with imagined threats.

In other cases, there are things going on in the relationship that are undermining trust and are possibly signs that relationship agreements are being broken (in other words, flirting, lying, infidelity, etc.)

From what you write, it sounds like your boyfriend is talking to you about other women in ways that are undermining trust and that also might feel disrespectful and hurtful to you. It is important that as you decide what to do about this (whether it’s talking to him or sorting through this in your mind), you keep your focus on the reliable information. You can hear him talk about what he’d like to do and what he says he would do (be with two women, etc.). If there are signs that he might have acted on his words and cheated, pay attention to that.

If he hasn’t acted on what he says he’d like to do (be with another woman too), you can talk with him about this. Without accusing him of something that you don’t have proof about, tell him how you feel when he talks like this. Using the phrase “I feel _____ when you say ____” can help you be honest. You might also re-affirm with him your agreements– especially if you have an agreement to be monogamous.

You can’t force him to stop wanting to be with other women too but you can set some boundaries. You can ask him to stop talking to you like this. You can also honestly ask yourself if it is healthy and in your best interest to stay in this relationship.

Best Wishes,
Susie and Otto

]]> Comment on Relationship Advice When Things Get Tense… by Samantha lorant http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/relationship-advice-when-things-get-tense.htm#comment-286 Samantha lorant Sat, 24 Dec 2011 00:41:58 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/?p=3341#comment-286 hi I would like advice on what to do in my current relationship.I experience very strong feelings of jealously but I am unable to control them . My boyfriend is aware that I am very jealous but still insists on telling me the most terrible comments such as I want to sleep with other women butbecause I am with you I won't also I fancy loads of other women and look at them to see if they are shaggable or not and his last comment was that he thinks he is capable of loving two women at the same time . Even when I am writing this I am anxious and fearful . What do I do I feel so upset to think about it . I can't start to control myself or feel better . hi I would like advice on what to do in my current relationship.I experience very strong feelings of jealously but I am unable to control them . My boyfriend is aware that I am very jealous but still insists on telling me the most terrible comments such as I want to sleep with other women butbecause I am with you I won’t also I fancy loads of other women and look at them to see if they are shaggable or not and his last comment was that he thinks he is capable of loving two women at the same time . Even when I am writing this I am anxious and fearful . What do I do I feel so upset to think about it . I can’t start to control myself or feel better .

]]> Comment on Find Love and Create the Relationship of Your Dreams by RelGold http://www.relationshipgold.com/relationship-advice/findlove2.htm#comment-283 RelGold Fri, 23 Dec 2011 16:18:08 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/rg/relationships/findlove2.htm#comment-283 adebayo: If you're looking for love, start looking within yourself first. Being in a place where you can easily *maybe even effortlessly* attract a perfect partner for you is vital. You've got to make yourself a match for what you want-- this means that if you have low self esteem or other habits that block love, start to work on those things first. Make changes that will help you line up with the kind of relationship you want. You might find our new program Automatic Attraction Secrets helpful: <a href="http://www.automaticattractionsecrets.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.automaticattractionsecrets.com</a> Best Wishes, Susie and Otto adebayo: If you’re looking for love, start looking within yourself first. Being in a place where you can easily *maybe even effortlessly* attract a perfect partner for you is vital. You’ve got to make yourself a match for what you want– this means that if you have low self esteem or other habits that block love, start to work on those things first. Make changes that will help you line up with the kind of relationship you want. You might find our new program Automatic Attraction Secrets helpful: http://www.automaticattractionsecrets.com

Best Wishes,
Susie and Otto

]]> Comment on Find Love and Create the Relationship of Your Dreams by adebayo http://www.relationshipgold.com/relationship-advice/findlove2.htm#comment-281 adebayo Fri, 23 Dec 2011 14:48:37 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/rg/relationships/findlove2.htm#comment-281 when will this opportunities of love come my way cos have not started experiencing what is all about when will this opportunities of love come my way cos have not started experiencing what is all about

]]> Comment on Relationship Advice for Saying What You Mean and Meaning What You Say by RelGold http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/relationship-advice-for-saying-what-you-mean-and-meaning-what-you-say.htm#comment-274 RelGold Wed, 21 Dec 2011 15:53:00 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/?p=3249#comment-274 miagi: Thank you for posting your comment. We encourage you to get clear about why you feel like you can't talk about problems or things that are on your mind with your partner. It sounds like you can see the negative consequences of pushing down your feelings or remaining silent about something that is bothering you. It all builds up and can get confused. You might end up overeacting to something because your reaction is based on a lot of built up somethings. The more you can understand what prevents you from speaking openly and honestly with your partner (this could be your own beliefs and possibly also past experiences communicating about difficult topics with your partner) the easier it will be for you to change those beliefs or address communication issues in your relationship. You might find our free email mini-course with communication tips helpful: <a href="http://www.relationshiptrust.com/10communicationsignup.htm#" rel="nofollow">http://www.relationshiptrust.com/10communicationsignup.htm#</a> Best Wishes, Susie and Otto miagi: Thank you for posting your comment. We encourage you to get clear about why you feel like you can’t talk about problems or things that are on your mind with your partner. It sounds like you can see the negative consequences of pushing down your feelings or remaining silent about something that is bothering you. It all builds up and can get confused. You might end up overeacting to something because your reaction is based on a lot of built up somethings.

The more you can understand what prevents you from speaking openly and honestly with your partner (this could be your own beliefs and possibly also past experiences communicating about difficult topics with your partner) the easier it will be for you to change those beliefs or address communication issues in your relationship.

You might find our free email mini-course with communication tips helpful: http://www.relationshiptrust.com/10communicationsignup.htm#

Best Wishes,
Susie and Otto

]]> Comment on Relationship Advice for Saying What You Mean and Meaning What You Say by miagi http://www.relationshipgold.com/communication/relationship-advice-for-saying-what-you-mean-and-meaning-what-you-say.htm#comment-271 miagi Tue, 20 Dec 2011 20:09:40 +0000 http://www.relationshipgold.com/?p=3249#comment-271 Dear Authors, I found your website very useful. Frankly I started to search for a thing that maybe help me in my relationship and there are kinds of topics that I can benefit from.I am a Turkish girl and I love discovering people and myself. But I know the Turkish mind about relationships and I want to look different and foreign people's opinions. I have a relationship for three years and I still feel that I can't talk the problems in my mind. I often put off them and then they become together and becomes a bigger confused problem. I am 27 years old and I am trying to get over this and I am serching and searching. Thank you for your wisdom... Dear Authors, I found your website very useful. Frankly I started to search for a thing that maybe help me in my relationship and there are kinds of topics that I can benefit from.I am a Turkish girl and I love discovering people and myself. But I know the Turkish mind about relationships and I want to look different and foreign people’s opinions. I have a relationship for three years and I still feel that I can’t talk the problems in my mind. I often put off them and then they become together and becomes a bigger confused problem. I am 27 years old and I am trying to get over this and I am serching and searching. Thank you for your wisdom…

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