It’s only about 27 minutes long and it’s well worth listening to if you want some breakthrough relationship tips and ideas.
If you want to know the “8 words, here they are…
“Because this relationship is so important to me…”
Why are these 8 words relationship-transforming?
They can transform a situation from two people closing to one another to being open enough to communicate and understand each other. When you say them and mean them, a tense situation can “soften” and you can actually talk to one another instead of both defending.
Saying them can help you and your partner to drop into your hearts so that you can communicate from a clear place inside instead of reacting from old habits.
When they are spoken aloud, from the heart, they are a good way to preface your “truth” and what you want from your relationship rather than complaining with anger or resentment about what you don’t want or don’t have.
We’re not saying that anger is always “bad.” There’s certainly a lot to be said for not holding it inside. But if all you are doing is reacting with anger to a situation, there’s very little chance that it will ever be resolved.
Recently, we talked with a woman who had just found out that her husband had been having an affair.
Sure she was angry and rightfully so.
But if she just continued to hold on to her anger and resentment without taking a step toward understanding why it happened, figuring out what she and her husband now wanted their relationship to be and setting some new agreements, they would continue to be closed to one another.
She could say something like this to her husband (who doesn’t want to talk about the affair)…
“Because our relationship is so important to me, I want to understand what happened to us so we can move forward from here.”
These 8 words are also a great way to keep yourself from shutting down when you are tempted to close to communicating with someone in a tense situation.
In fact, Otto said those words to himself as we got caught up in an old pattern this morning.
Even though he wanted to close down, he didn’t. He reminded himself how important our relationship was to him, he allowed himself to feel what he was feeling and then we talked.
In the years we’ve been together, we’ve had lots of practice reconnecting and reopening our hearts when we’re tempted to close to one another.
These 8 words have helped us to remember what’s really important and to focus on what we want from our relationship rather than staying stuck in what we don’t want.
We think they can help you too!
Here are a few suggestions to help you when you’re in a tense situation with someone you care about…
1. When you realize that there is something you’d like to say but you know that it will trigger the other person, take a breath and say the 8 words aloud.
2. Follow them up with what you want rather than blaming or lashing out at the other person.
Blaming shuts the other person down and keeps an argument going. Here’s an example…
“Because this relationship is so important to me, you should stop ignoring me when I talk to you.”
Here’s an example of using these 8 words to stay open to understanding each other in the same type of situation…
“Because this relationship is so important to me, I would like for us to be together the way we were when we were first together.”
3. Listen to what the other person wants even though you may be tempted to close down.
Say those 8 words to yourself if you are struggling to stay open to hearing how he or she feels.
4. Talk about how you feel from your heart and not from your defended position.
When you speak from your heart and the other person values your relationship as much as you do, there can’t help but be an understanding between the two of you.
The next time you are tempted to shut down to someone who is important to you, use these 8 words and see what happens.
For more information on how to communicate with more ease and connection, visit http://www.StopTalkingonEggshells.com