One of the biggest challenges and one of the biggest reasons that the life, love and the spark fades in a relationship is that you start communicating in ways that don’t keep you close and connected–and these are what we’re calling the “old fashioned” way.
We’ll tell you about these “old fashioned” ways and how they can harm your relationship but first here’s a question from a reader that leads right into this problem…
“I’ve been a long time subscriber of your newsletters and I think they’re great–I’ve learned a lot from you guys but my question is why can’t my hubby and I get along? We love each other but we can’t seem to communicate and there’s some trust issues there too because something that happened a couple of years ago.
“I was considering getting one of your communication books or programs but I didn’t know where to start. Any suggestions?”
We certainly appreciate AG’s question and here are some ideas that might be able to help both AG and you if communication is a problem for you in your relationship.
When it comes to relationships, where many couples fall short in creating a love and spark filled relationship that lasts is that they really do love and communicate the “old fashioned way” and THIS is not good.
It’s tragic but…what we’ve found is that most people wait until it’s almost time to call the divorce attorneys in before they start seriously trying to do things to improve their relationship. Unfortunately, in many cases, by that time it’s a little too late.
One of the quickest ways you can start to turn any relationship around, build more trust and create a closer bond and connection between the two of you is by solving a couple of really basic communication challenges.
What’s interesting about these communication challenges we’re talking about is that most people don’t even realize they have them until we point them out to them.
They have these communication problems because they are communicating the “old fashioned” way–the way they saw their parents or grandparents talk to one another. They communicate from habit and not from a place of consciously trying to create a heart connection with other people.
The “old fashioned” way of communicating might look slightly different for different people but generally looks something like this…
**Making a lot of assumptions and not getting clarity when you don’t understand.
**Holding yourself back and not speaking your truth for fear of rocking the boat or hurting the other person (The truth always comes out sooner or later and usually when it’s been withheld, the truth is more painful when it’s discovered.)
**Not listening or ignoring what the other person says and think that you know what’s best for him or her better than they do. (We constantly hear complaints that “he/she doesn’t listen to me.”)
**Withdrawing when things get tough (talk about causing a slow death to a relationship!)
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
You can start learning how to communicate with the truth that’s inside you without pushing your partner away.
One of the things our coaching clients and other people say to us goes something like this…
“You know, my relationship with (him / her) would be so much better if I only know the right words to say to them.”
Another of our favorites is when someone does what we call “talk on eggshells” all the time.
It’s obvious that there’s love there at some level but there’s also some kind of fear that won’t allow them to say what’s on their mind, what they think or how they feel to their spouse or partner because of how they believe their partner will react to them if they did this.
Another thing that happens very often that causes a lot of damage to relationships is when one or both people in the relationship have done something that destroys the trust in the relationship and this pain continues to drive a wedge between them.
In this case, you need to turn trust around and fast.
We have some specific solutions we want to offer you about these and other issues but we’ll just say that almost ANY relationship issue can be solved if you will only ask yourself on a continual basis “Is what I’m about to say or do, going to take me further from the love, passion, spark and the relationship I want or closer to it?”
Said another way, everything you do will either help you get what you want or move you further from it.
Then here’s what we recommend…
We invite you to begin learning how to communicate in a better way and drop your old fashioned way of talking to those you love.
If you do, we’re sure that you’ll feel and see more love in your life.