What would you do to attract the love relationship of your dreams?
- Would you change the color of your hair?
- Would you pick up a new hobby or interest?
- Would you lose weight or build muscle?
Many folks who want to attract dates say they would do just about ANYTHING to finally meet their perfect partner. Unfortunately, despite all of the changes that people say they’d make, there’s one thing they don’t consider.
This is the very bad habit that makes it nearly impossible for love to come into their lives.
The habit that crushes happiness and keeps love away is insecurity. You might not consider yourself to be insecure or you might not think your insecurity is getting in the way of love, but think again.
Insecurity comes out in a lot of different ways and in varying intensities depending on the situation so you might not be aware that it’s causing you to act in certain ways. You may not realize that the way you dress, sit, stand, eat, talk and otherwise interact with others is being dictated by an underlying sense that something is not okay about you.
Your insecurity may not come out until you’re at work or until you’re in a purely social situation. You may be more insecure about the way you look or about your intelligence or wit. The common factor is the deeply-held belief that you are lacking and not good enough.
The result can be a sense of holding back or hiding along with possible shame, embarrassment and jealousy too. You might make risky decisions and date or have sex with the wrong people for you because of your insecurity.
You simply can’t be at your best when meeting new people or spending time with those you already know when you’re insecure. It’s harder to find authentic and clear words to communicate what you want to say and it’s nearly impossible to stand with a confidence that will attract others to you.
To heal your insecurity and start living from a self-assured place, it’s important to understand where it’s coming from.
Untangling your roots…
Your self esteem can be a lot like a plant. There’s the part of you that you choose to show on the surface and there’s also a lot going on inside you that’s not as obvious– but that makes itself known.
Your insecurity lurks below the surface except when it comes out as you put yourself down or stand at the back of the room. It’s almost always connected to experiences you had in the past that were painful and that have never fully healed.
Let’s say you’re at a social function hosted by your company. A guy whom you think is attractive but don’t know well is standing by the bar and you’d like to go say hello, but he works in a different department than yours– one that you believe is more prestigious. Insecurity kicks in and you stand by yourself feeling small and miserable.
If you can take a deep breath and look more closely at the emotional reaction you’re having, you can do some untangling and healing.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is to simply acknowledge your insecurity rather than dismiss it or avoid it. Standing at that work event, you say to yourself, “I feel disappointed right now.” Just breathe and allow that feeling to be.
Next, with curiosity trace back to where that feeling of disappointment and insecurity is coming from. You remember your mother lecturing you about not trying to date “out of your league.” You revisit how hurt you felt when your college boyfriend broke up with you and immediately got together with a pre-med major.
In the moment, acknowledge the stories and old wounds that are at the roots of your insecurity. This will show you where to heal and it will help you come back to the present moment.
Remember to be gentle, loving and kind as you identify what’s at the roots of your insecurity. Know that regardless of what happened in your past– or even what is going on now– you can make changes and you can attract the love you want.
Make peace with your past and remind yourself that it’s already over. What happened before doesn’t determine what will happen in the future. Strengthen yourself from “below ground,” so that you can release the past and grow healthy self confidence.
And be sure to remember what’s true in each moment. What’s true now is that you’re an amazing person who’s in the process of opening up to amazing love. Let your self shine and watch how easy it is to attract a partner who’s right for you.