“Is my hair sticking out weird?” or “Is there food stuck in my teeth?” may be the least of your concerns. It could be tempting to alter the truth a bit (or a lot) in an attempt to wow this potential partner.
Don’t do it! For dating success, honesty is always the best policy.
There might be aspects of yourself or your life that you perceive as undesirable or unattractive. We suggest that to start this encounter off on the best possible footing, interact with honesty and integrity.
It could be that you feel like nobody will give you a second look if he or she knows that: you have a child or children, have a health problem, are unemployed, earn minimum wage, don’t have a higher education degree, were abused as a child, cheated on your ex, are divorced, still live with your parents, or whatever it is about you that you might deem lacking, embarrassing or even shame-worthy.
Now, we aren’t suggesting that you introduce yourself and then immediately list off all of those perceived undesirables.
But at the same time, don’t hide these things when and if they come up. There’s a huge chance that the person you have just met doesn’t share your negative view of these aspects and it’s also probable that the person has his or her own perceived undesirables as well.
Nora was having a good time at a party hosted by a close friend. Knowing that Nora is single and wanting to be in a relationship, her friend introduced her to an attractive man named Richard who recently moved into town.
Right away, Nora was struck by how handsome, charming and successful Richard seemed. She felt self-conscious of her own appearance and a voice inside her deemed this guy to be “way out of her league.”
Because of this, Nora decided to create a false story about herself and her life which she shared with Richard as truth. They spent much of the evening talking and enjoying one another’s company.
To Nora’s chagrin, flowers from Richard were delivered to her home that next day. The card indicated that Richard was happy to have met Nora and would like to take her to dinner to get to know her even better.
While she wants to go on the date, Nora doesn’t know how to dig herself out of hole of huge lies she told about herself. She wonders if Richard would have sent flowers if he knew the real Nora.
Feel good about you before meeting your potential partner.
Before you consider stepping one foot into the proverbial dating arena, take some time to appreciate and cultivate approval for yourself.
There might be a whole string of things about yourself and your life as it is that you’d like to change, but see what you can think of to appreciate about yourself.
Make a list of 5-10 things you like about yourself– no matter how insignificant they seem. This is not about denying areas you need or want to improve upon.
Instead, it’s about feeling so good about other aspects of yourself, you don’t feel like there’s anything for you to lie about or perceive as inadequate.
If Nora could back up, she might note to herself that yes, her job is not satisfying or what she envisioned for herself, but her job is not all she is.
Nora is a loving, generous person who volunteers in her spare time and is also known as having a great sense of humor and wit.
Instead of meeting Richard with a stream of lies meant to obscure everything that Nora sees lacking in herself, she could have allowed him to see her as she is—great qualities in abundance.
She could choose to emphasize those wonderful aspects she’s noticed about herself. And in the stream of these good feelings, those things that feel lacking can emerge with probably little or no adverse effects.
Trust your gut.
When meeting someone new who may or may not be a future partner, do your best to stay present and tuned in to how you feel.
This could be the beginning of a love relationship of a lifetime or a shorter encounter. Either way, stay honest with both your date and yourself.
Are you having a good time with this person? Is your interest and attraction continuing to grow the more you share with and get to know him or her? If so, these are great signs! Go with what you feel.
Nora takes a deep breath and calls Richard. After thanking him for the flowers, she apologizes and admits that she wasn’t completely truthful with him at the party.
She tells Richard that she’d like to go to dinner with him and would also like the chance to be honest about herself if his invitation is still open. He agrees, and Nora gets a second chance at this possible new relationship.
Dating can actually be a fun experience filled with discovery and exploration. When you act with integrity and listen to what your gut tells you, healthy, passionate and connected relationships can easily fall into place.