 "Are
Negative Thoughts Ruining Your Relationship? Change Them Now!
Susie and Otto Collins
Are you
aware that the ways you think about your love relationship
can significantly affect the way you experience that relationship?
What you
believe and expect about yourself and your partner has everything
to do with what you each actually bring to your connection
(or lack thereof).
So if
you tend to walk around thinking about the worst aspects of
your mate, you will probably mostly experience just that.
Of course
none of us can control the actions or decisions made by another
person, especially when there is something about him or her
that we want to change.
What you
can do is shift your thoughts and open up to the positive
changes that are possibly already in the works and maybe just
around the corner.
What
you think about is the key!
A mother
prepares her child for his first day of elementary school.
She takes him in the day before school starts and shows him
the lunchroom. She points out the lunch trays, the cafeteria
line and the tables where he will sit.
Next she
tells him to be ready to drop his lunch tray full of food
in front of all his classmates. She lets him know that everyone
does this and she wants him to be ready when it does.
During
that child’s very first week of school guess what happens?
He drops his lunch tray on the floor in the midst of a full
room of kids. We don’t know whether he would’ve
dropped the tray or not without his mother planting the image
of “this always happens” in his head.
We do
wonder how different this boy’s first week of school
experience might have been without that expectation.
How many
times do your thoughts about your relationship, your partner
or even yourself focus on the negative or what you don’t
want?
Just as
the mother only wanted her son to be prepared and hopefully
avoid embarrassment in the lunchroom, perhaps you are trying
to prepare yourself for the worst in your relationship.
It might
seem that if you ready yourself for a betrayal from your mate,
it will hurt less when it actually happens. Or maybe you are
unhappy with your relationship and feel you are just being
“realistic.”
Your marriage
really does seem to be “in trouble” from where
you stand.
Believe
it or not, all of these “realistic” thoughts and
beliefs, are contributing to your unhappiness and discontent
with the way things are.
Yes, there
may be plenty of things about your relationship that you’d
like to change. And they possibly will change. But change
for the better where you and your love are more passionately,
closely connected happens easiest when you are in a positive
frame of mind.
Again,
what you think about is the key!
Focus
only on what you want.
No
matter how difficult the situation is between you and your
partner, focus only on what you want. When you think to yourself
that “my marriage is on shaky ground,” notice
how that thought feels.
Consciously
and positively choose your next thought. For example, you
might shift energy by thinking, “I look forward to feeling
great about my relationship.”
Keep your
attention on what you want and don’t worry so much about
the specifics. Let yourself enjoy creating in your mind the
relationship of your dreams.
Take
positive steps toward where you want to go.
Once you are feeling better and better about what you want
from your love relationship, you can more clearly see the
steps to take to get there.
Perhaps
you feel like your mate criticizes everything you say. When
you shift your focus away from feeling bad about yourself
or angry toward your mate, you can make decisions from a more
empowered place.
The decision
may be to ask your partner to communicate differently with
you. Making a request for what you want, rather than an accusation,
can avoid defensiveness or further tension.
You might
also decide to be gentler with yourself and affirm the merits
of what you have to say rather than relying on your partner
for this. Either way, you are moving forward feeling improvement.
Stay in
touch with your thoughts and how those thoughts feel. When
you aren’t feeling satisfied with your life as it is,
look to the beliefs you hold.
Choose
one area of your relationship and, for 1 month, make it your
goal to shift your thoughts around that topic.
Be sure
to notice any changes at the end of the month. Life and love
are meant to be enjoyed. Do whatever you can to turn toward
enjoyment!
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins,
authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More
Jealousy" are experts at helping people get more of the love
they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more loving
relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
*********************************
|
