Why do we sabotage what we really want in our relationships and lives?
That’s a great question and one we’ve been living with for the past week in our own lives and we’re sure that you’ve run across it too in your own life.
There are many possible reasons why people unconsciously sabotage something that’s going well. One of the main ways is having the belief that “I don’t deserve the happiness, the praise, the passion, the good feelings, the money etc.”
There seems to be an imaginary ceiling that allows just so much happiness, success, passion, money or anything else that we say we want in our lives.
Many people are afraid that their relationships won’t last or they feel that he or she will leave them anyway so somehow, either consciously or unconsciously, they do something to push the other person away.
We’ve seen this scenario a lot when there’s jealousy.
We allow fears–such as fear of abandonment (either physically or emotionally), beliefs such as “I’m not enough,” “I don’t deserve happiness” and so on –to keep us from having the great relationships and lives that are available to all of us.
These fears are for the most part unconscious and we might not even be aware of them.
While we are continually working on this within our own relationship and lives, we’ll offer you a few suggestions that have helped us untangle ourselves when we experience this.
1. The obvious thing would be to first identify your beliefs and fears that are holding you back from having the relationships and life that you want.
What is it that you believe, even on a deep subconscious level?
2. Once you’ve identified these beliefs and fears, then we would invite you to explore whether you are willing or not to allow them to keep you from having the relationships and life that you want.
Are you willing to change those beliefs?
3. Make a commitment to allow yourself to feel good and to have what you want.
A belief is like a habit and if you don’t like one that holds you back, you can change it–one thought at a time.
4. Understand that chaos and disruption in your life is normal and you should expect it when you challenge old ways of being and take on a new belief system–especially one that is empowering.
People may be used to you acting in a certain way and they might be uneasy when you begin to change.
5. When or if your life feels overwhelming, take a moment, breathe and center yourself. If you do, you will find a calmness in your chaos and you’ll be able to move forward from joy and not fear.
As Les Brown, the famous motivational speaker, said, “You can always better your best.” We take that to mean that you don’t have to settle for what you don’t want in your life. You can have what you want.
In every relationship that you have (even the one you have with yourself), we urge you to start being as conscious as possible in all ways. Consider whether your words and actions will build the relationship and take it higher or weaken and possibly destroy it.
Take some time to figure out if and how you sabotage yourself from having the relationships and life that you want. If you do, we think your life will just get better!