What is one of the biggest factors that will determine the quality of relationships that you’ll have in your life?
It’s your belief about whether you think that you can have a great relationship or not.
It’s just like the author James Allen wrote in his book “As A Man Thinketh” many years ago. “All that we achieve and all that we fail to achieve is the direct result of our thoughts.”
When it comes to relationships, what this means is– whether we have a close, connected and loving relationship or one that is filled with pain is the direct result of our thoughts about relationships.
The truth is that many people simply don’t believe that they can have a great relationship and guess what?
If you have beliefs like “I can’t have a great relationship,” “All the good ones are gone,” “I’m too young,” “I’m too old,” or “I’m too anything,” then you probably aren’t going to have a very good experience when it comes to relationships.
Along these lines, a very strange thing happened to us recently… Just the other day, we got a phone call from a woman who had been in the audience of one of our first talks that we gave about relationships. She said that she was just calling to find out if we were still together!
She wasn’t calling to ask our advice about anything and she wasn’t calling to see when we were going to be giving another talk in her city or anything like that. She simply had a burning desire to find out if we were still together after all this time.
As the two of us were talking about her call, we realized that what was probably underneath her question about our relationship was an even greater question about relationships in general.
That question is–“Is a close, connected, passionate relationship really possible over the long haul?”
Anytime that we are asked this question, we respond to it with a resounding YES and here’s why…
Not only have we created a great relationship that just keeps getting deeper and better as the years go by, but we know of many other couples, like us, who are doing the same thing.
One couple we know has been married 34 years and they regularly lead workshops and do personal coaching about sexuality for couples who want deeper intimacy in their relationship.
Know that it really is possible, if that is your intention, to have this type of relationship in your life.
Here are some ideas to help you create and maintain an outstanding relationship…
1. Know what your values are up front and be honest about them. If you value your job, your hobbies, your relationships with your friends more than a close, connection intimate relationship, then be honest about it. There’s nothing wrong with your choices of where you place your values. Just be conscious about where you are placing your priorities in your life and live accordingly.
2. If you do want to create a long-standing close, connected relationship, then make your relationship a priority in your life. Create your intentions together and follow through with them. Make time and expend the energy to have what you say you are wanting.
3. The quality of your relationship and the depth of your connection and intimacy is largely dependant upon how open your heart is. When there are challenges between the two of you, practice opening your heart anyway. If you do, you’ll find that you spend less time being disconnected and at odds with one another.
If you want closer and more connected relationships of any kind, it will require you to open your heart, be honest and vulnerable while at the same time maintaining strong boundaries, be courageous and stay open to possibilities. Sound impossible? It isn’t.