“I don’t care,” has become Carol’s mantra when it comes to men. When she’s out with friends and notices an attractive man and whens he’s home alone on a Saturday night with nothing to do, she tells herself and others, “I don’t care. It’s all cool with me.”
But, it’s really not.
Carol DOES care– a lot– about being in a relationship. When she’s honest with herself, she admits that she’s very lonely. She pretends to be okay with the lack of love in her life right now, but that’s a big lie.
Carol can’t remember when she first adopted her “I don’t care,” mantra about men. It probably goes back to Sam and the brutal way he broke off their engagement leaving her devastated and heartbroken. All of her dreams for a happy future were obliterated when he moved out.
He’s been out of her life for almost 8 years and Carol has become comfortable in her detached and aloof attitude…except that, deep down inside, she’s still in pain and wants more than anything else to be in love again.
It’s the rare person who does not carry around some sort of old emotional wound.
As we move through life, all of us have a variety of experiences. Some of those experiences are happy, some sad, some traumatic, some ecstatic and some average or possibly even boring and dull. While the situations in our lives are ever-changing, scars from the past can remain. The past can seem to hang around even after it actually ends.
The tricky thing about emotional wounds from the past is that the feelings are very real in the here and now.
When triggered, the heartache from a breakup you went through decades ago can be just as excruciating as it was then.
There’s no doubt that your emotions are very real and that they feel immediate and present, even if they’re not entirely appropriate or accurate for what’s going on now.
Living in the past in this way can be a major block to love. You may view what’s going on now, you might react to people and situations currently in your life and you might make choices from the perspective of past wounds.
This can dramatically stand in the way of you attracting your perfect partner.
After all, how can you possibly be open to meeting new people or to getting closer to those you already know if you’re coming from a past point of view? How can you listen to your valuable inner wisdom if all you can see or hear is your old emotional pain?
Getting past your past is essential to attracting love.
Recognize it when you’re coming from a past point of view. You might be accustomed to looking at people and situations through the lens of your old emotional wounds and past experiences so this might take practice.
When you have a strong emotion or reaction, pause and ask yourself if what you’re thinking and feeling truly fits what’s going on now. It could be that it does or it could be that it is does not.
Learn how to separate out what was true in the past and what is true now. It helps to ask yourself questions like, “Is this true now?” or “Is this a fit for the past or the present?”
If you discover that you are feeling or reacting more intensely than a situation warrants, trace back to the past experience you are accessing. Treat yourself with kindness and care because these feelings are real. They might not fit what’s going on in the present moment, but they are what you are feeling and need to be addressed.
Healing your past will free you up for the future you desire.
It comes down to this…
If a close, connected and passionate love relationship is what you want, you’re not going to be able to successfully attract (and keep) that when your old emotional wounds are leading you. Opportunities and possibilities are obscured or skewed when your viewpoint is the painful past.
Take the time to heal your past. Make completions with what happened before that you are still carrying around with you today. Remember, there is a big difference between re-hashing the past or becoming more stuck in it AND finding out what you need to do to make peace with your past so that you can let it go.
Continue the healing and know that you are freeing yourself from your old wounds and from the past so that you can fully enjoy the present moment and the fabulous– love-filled– future you are creating.
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