When people talk about “red hot relationships,” they are often referring to the passionate connecting of a couple through lovemaking. But did you know that you can communicate with your love in red hot ways as well?
It’s true! And, even better, when your communication is red hot, that sense of intimacy and spark will likely carry through to other areas of your relationship– including lovemaking.
What we mean by “red hot communication” is that there is a sense of aliveness and excitement when you and your partner are just hanging out together talking about how your day was or making plans for the future. No matter how mundane or how intense and life-altering the topic of your talk is, there is a close, heart-felt connection between you and your mate as you exchange information and share feelings.
Does this mean you and your mate will talk about absolutely everything in intimate and excited ways– deciding who will take out the trash or pick up your daughter from band practice? Perhaps not.
But what it does mean is that you both keep a sense of openness, engaged interest and even adventure alive in your everyday as well as out of the ordinary conversations.
Think about how many times a day you converse with your mate? This might be via cell phone texting, e-mailing, the telephone itself or in face to face sharing with one another.
What is the usual energy behind your communicating? Does it tend to bored or “same old, same old”? If so, that dulled energy can begin to seep into your relationship leaving either or both of you wanting more.
Erin and Paul are both bored stiff in their marriage. Yes, they still love each other deeply and yes, they both intend to stay committed and married to one another. But, yes, they both also want more spark in their relationship. Even when they mix it up and go out to eat at a new restaurant, they can’t seem to find anything to talk about that feels exciting.
Occasionally Erin brings up politics trying to start a debate with Paul just to get some passionate feelings going in their conversation.
Re-ignite your spark for your own life.
Sometimes, even outside your relationship, a case of the doldrums can happen. Take a look at how you feel about your life overall. Do you allow yourself to get excited about the wonders of the world around (and within) you or do you tend to only see your usual “treadmill” existence which has lost its luster?
If you have a case of the doldrums with life, start shifting your perspective and opening your eyes. Make it your challenge to find one thing every single day that you can feel excited about.
This might be the fact that everyone at work received free bagels. Or, it could be that the sky is amazingly blue and clear and you take a few moments to look up and appreciate it.
Erin and Paul realize how focused they’ve both become on their careers and their goals. So much so that they’ve each lost some of the wonder they used to feel about life. When they started dating they shared a love of nature. While they still take regular hikes, it seems that they now take for granted the beauty that surrounds them.
Now that they’ve each decided to pay more attention to what makes them feel alive, they’re both noticing renewed spark for what they are experiencing. As a result, their talks about these “new” discoveries are more passionate and engaging.
Put heart and presence into your communicating.
In our busy and often routinized lives, too often we multi-task trying to communicate with our love in the midst of it all. If you can stop– even for just 4 or 5 breaths– and look your partner in the eyes while speaking, the connecting power of your communication will improve.
This is especially the case when you are communicating your love to your partner. When you open your heart and allow yourself to be vulnerable while communicating, you may find a deeper, more intimate level of connection.
Erin realizes that she tends to hold back when sharing with Paul– especially when it comes to her dreams to start her own business one day. She fears that he won’t approve or will think she’s ridiculous for having such an irresponsible idea. But when she opens up to him and shares this dream, she is surprised to find a new, adventurous energy in their communicating.
She may or may not actually start her own business one day, but the fact that she trusted Paul with this deep desire, added a level of intimacy and aliveness to their communicating and relationship.
It doesn’t matter what you are talking with your partner about. What is perhaps most important is how you are communicating. When your energy and engagement with one another are filled with passion and excitement, you can connect in ways that bring you even closer together and keep your spark strong.
Now that’s red hot communication!