Relationship Advice for Making Changes in your Life and Relationships

Relationship Advice for Making Changes in your Life and Relationships

How do you find the motivation to change?

What is the secret for making changes in our relationships and lives?

Why does is usually take something “big” to  happen to us get us to shift from where we  are to something much better?

The answers to these questions may surprise  you because…

After learning to become active participants and observers in both our own lives and in  the lives of our coaching clients and countless  others…

What we’ve learned is that we and almost everyone we’ve ever met are slow to change (if we ever do)– even when it’s in our best interest to do so.

Most of us wait until it’s almost too late before we make the changes we think or feel we should have made all along.

What we’ve noticed is that at various times in our lives, each of us is given an opportunity to “wake up” to all the love and joy that is  possible–if we take advantage of it.

If you’re like most people, that “opportunity” usually comes in the guise of a catastrophe in our lives like divorce, a car wreck, cancer (or any other serious illness) or even the death of a loved one.

Although we certainly don’t consciously want these things to happen or consciously create them, most of us need something like that to  jolt us out of our patterns that keep us stuck in limiting and self-defeating thoughts and actions.

Take the singer/ songwriter and performer  Melissa Etheridge…

We saw Melissa in concert the other evening  and she is a beautiful example of this idea.

Even if you have preconceived ideas about her and what she’s all about, there’s no arguing the fact that after her bout with cancer, she is a changed woman and is now a radiant example of love and connection who wants to do her part to make the world a better place.

She chose to see her illness as an opportunity to begin living her life as if every moment counts and is precious. She chose to begin cherishing her loved ones and connect more deeply with those around her–including her audiences.

We came away from her concert deeply moved and even more appreciative of the love we have in every moment for each other, our family, friends and everything we hold dear.

Cancer was what it took for Melissa Etheridge to awaken to more love and joy in her life.

But here’s what’s true…

You don’t have to go through cancer, any other life-threatening illness or any other catastrophe in your life to come into awareness of what’s possible and live it.

You can be your own catalyst and begin choosing what’s important to you and how you want to have your relationships to be and what you want for your life.

Here are some ways and new understandings  we think you’ll find helpful to begin to awaken without the trauma and drama of the catastrophes in our lives…

1. Know that you are worth it.

Know that you are “enough” and that you are worth the love that you want. Most of us have experienced and taken to heart criticism that says we aren’t good enough in some way or another.

When self-defeating thoughts come into your mind, simply tell yourself that you are good enough to have love and you deserve to have it.

2. Live in the present moment.

We probably say this every week but it bears repeating–and repeating–because most of us (including us) have a hard time doing it!

When your body and mind are anchored in the present and with the person in front of you, you become aware of the joy, pleasure, excitement or whatever in that moment.

If you are constantly in the past or future, you can’t possibly experience the happiness from what’s happening right now.

3. Be on the look out for small expressions of love.

Start noticing expressions of love from others in your life. So often we’re so focused on what we don’t have, we miss small ways that we are loved and cared for. Don’t miss what’s right in front of your nose.

4. Learn to master the “twin forces of pain  and pleasure” in your life.

We recall from many years ago that Tony Robbins said that the key to creating or accomplishing anything in your life is being able to master these two forces called pain and pleasure in your life.

One thing is for sure… we all have had and will continue to have both pain AND pleasure in our lives. One trick to being happy, successful and creating close connected relationships (or anything else) is to learn to associate more pleasure to the things that will take us toward what we really want and to associate more pain to choices we could make that will take us away from what we  really want.

4. Be on the look out for ways to love yourself and others.

Ask yourself these questions–

“How can I love myself today?”

“How can I love others today?”

Take time today for one or more expressions of love for yourself and for others.

If you do, the joy and love you receive will begin to show in your very being.

You will awaken to who you were truly meant to be.

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Comments

  1. ijeoma chijioke says:

    Dear Susie and Otto Collins, most grateful for all your newsletters and relationship instructions. Great job you’re doing and you’re really good at it. I’ve gained a lot and would wish to continue learning from you. Thanks a lot.

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