Since the two of us are fascinated by what makes relationships work and not work, we’ve been especially interested in the complaints about intimate relationships that we come in contact with every day.
It’s pretty fascinating that the complaints start sounding similar–as well as what happens to the relationship if complaining becomes the major focus.
Here are 3 common complaints that we share with you in the hopes that you won’t simply complain and do nothing until your relationship is beyond repair…
Common Complaint #1: “Everything I say is wrong.”
We use the term “talk on eggshells” and that just about describes it. This is when one or both people feels like they can’t be themselves with their intimate partner, mate or spouse.
It’s when someone feels like they can’t say anything right without fear of what their partner might say, think or how they might react.
When the person feels like nothing he or she says is “right,” it’s really time to pay attention.
The “Everything I say is wrong” complaint is truly a call for help.
If you’ve had this thought in your relationship or said these words, it may be time for you to make some changes.
One idea from our “Stop Talking on Eggshells” program is to make the commitment to being a catalyst to changing what’s been going on between the two of you.
When you feel yourself holding back in saying something because you’re afraid your partner will put you down, yell at you, make you feel stupid or any other garden variety of negativity, ask yourself these questions…
“Is what I’m about to say important to me and a true statement for me or is it fearful conjecture on my part?”
“Is what I’m about to ask important for me to know or is it not any of my business?”
If you answered “yes” to the first part of these questions, focus on what you want and don’t get into an argument if you meet up with resistance or an answer you don’t want to hear.
Part of learning to talk without feeling like you’re on eggshells is learning to not argue with reality and “what is” while saying what you need to say.
When you start being allowing yourself to be true to you, you’re also giving your partner permission to be true to what’s inside him or her.
Most people we talk to rank honesty as a highly desired quality in their partner. But honesty starts with yourself.
If you feel like everything you say is wrong, start looking inside you for what’s true for you, what you must say no matter what.
Separate out your complaints and replace them with making requests from the truth of who you are.
Common Complaint #2: “I don’t trust my partner anymore.”
Of all the relationship issues we help people deal with, lack of trust is one of the biggest.
Whether it’s because of relationships that ended badly in the past with your partners cheating on you or this partner does things that destroys trust in your relationship…
It’s pretty difficult to let your guard down and completely trust.
If you don’t trust your partner and you find yourself worrying about it and wondering whether he or she is trustworthy, the best thing to do is to take action.
Find out for sure if your suspicions are correct or if they’re a figment of old ghosts in your past coming back to haunt you again.
We’re not suggesting snooping unless the signs are so strong that your partner is dishonest that you can’t miss them.
We are suggesting that you really pay attention and write down what you see and hear.
If your suspicions are incorrect and you find that you have unwarranted jealousy, go sign up for our free lessons on jealousy at https://www.relationshipgold.com/no-more-jealousy
Don’t let your mistrust ruin a perfectly good relationship–also if there’s reason for your mistrust, don’t simply complain. Take steps to find out the truth.
Common Complaint #3: “We live together. I feel like we’re just going through the motions and the passion we used to have has died.”
As the years go by, a lot of couples lose the spark that brought them together and they find themselves settling into a life that is passionless.
One or both of them might want more but they don’t know how to get the passion back. They don’t want to make their partner feel bad or wrong but they don’t know what to do.
If this describes what you’re feeling, it’s time to focus some energy on the two of you and getting the spark back.
Your spark my look and feel different from when you were first together but focusing on creating it is a first step.
If you don’t feel like you can talk to your partner about this, do some things yourself to get closer and pay more attention to him or her.
Our “Red Hot Love Relationships” is filled with lots of ideas to help you get the spark back, no matter how long it’s been dormant.
Simply focusing attention on getting closer will go a long way to starting to make it happen.
You can start with heartfelt appreciation and then go from there.
In telling you about these complaints, we invite you to not be satisfied with simply complaining but rather take inspired action–as one of our teachers calls it.
Inspired action comes from within you, from what you know to be true.
We invite you to take a step toward your happiness.