Relationship Advice for Knowing When to Keep the Peace and When to Speak Up

Here’s a great communication question that many people struggle with…”

Sometimes, I just want to keep the peace, not rock the boat and just let things get better or blow over. I don’t want to argue, fight and stay mad all the time like I was in my previous relationship. Is this a good thing?”We can certainly understand the desire to keep the peace in any relationship, especially when a previous one was filled with conflict and anger.

Peace, no matter what the cost, can look pretty good after years of constant fighting.

While letting things “blow over” can seem like the answer to keeping a relationship peaceful (and in some cases, it can be), it might not always be the answer and here’s why…

If you feel that you are never able to say what you are thinking or feeling without creating continuing conflict and you have to agree to keep the peace, there are usually consequences and they can happen in a couple of ways…

–Resentment is created and comes out against other people and in other situations that you didn’t intend.

–Physical and emotional problems can manifest in your body.

Are we saying the you never let issues that come up just work themselves out or let them “blow over”?

Of course not.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself when considering whether to “rock the boat” or not…

1. How important is this issue to me?

2. Is there really a problem if the other person has another perspective on this than mine?

3. Is this any of my business or am I trying to control the situation for other people?

4. Am I insisting that my way is better or is there another way that might work as well?

5. What’s the possible outcome of this situation one week from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now if I don’t address this issue and leave it alone?

6. If I don’t address this issue, what physical or emotional problems might I create for myself?

7. How can I listen to the other person and understand his or her point of view?

Part of it has to do with your attitude and intentions.

If you are fearing an argument and you brace yourself for one, that’s what you’ll probably get.

If your heart is open, you’re open to listening and you have the attitude of “let’s make this work for both of us,” you just might get cooperation or a solution that works for both of you.


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