What Happened to the Person I Married? How to Communicate Like You Did Before

One of the biggest challenges in relationships and marriages today is the fact that most couples don’t feel like they can truly be open, honest and straightforward with their partner or spouse like they used to when they were first together without them getting upset or angry.

When you don’t feel safe to be able to say what’s real and true for you– you don’t feel loved, cared for, honored or appreciated. You just do what you can to make it through the day without creating any waves.

We wanted to let you know that we’ve put together a great resource that shows you how to say whatever is real and true for you AND actually have your partner hear you.

When we learned how to communicate in this way in our own relationship many years ago, it changed everything. We think it will do the same for you and your relationship as well…

Discover how you can talk to your partner or spouse about ANYTHING without fear about how they’ll react or what they’ll say, think, or act.

Here’s another one of the most amazing relationship discoveries we’ve ever made…

Every single one of us has a “story” about ourselves, our life and our relationships that we think is how we want them to be.

When we are drawn to someone and get into a relationship with them– whether it’s for friendship or intimate partnership, we are responding to a similar, familiar story that we see in this person which matches our story.

This can certainly lead to conflict.

It’s inevitable that there will come a time when the story we have of our partner and relationship doesn’t match up with what’s actually going on.  It probably doesn’t match up with our partner’s story either.  This is when disappointment, arguments and distance come in.

Compounding the problem with our stories is the way we tend to freeze one another in our minds.
Especially during times of stress and strain, it’s common for one person to look at the other and say something like, “What happened?  You used to be so_____.”

Think back to when you were a young child and you maybe wanted to be a cowboy, an astronaut or an actress.  Chances are, you have chosen a different profession for yourself and, even if you do aspire to move into a different career, it’s probably far different from what you wanted to be when you were 7 or 8 years old.

As ridiculous as it would be for someone to assume you still wanted to be a cowboy, it is equally ridiculous for you to assume your partner is the same as when you two first met and fell in love.
Yet this is what so many people do.

Yes, your partner is likely quite similar to the person you met and fell in love with, but there has probably been growth and change too. This is actually a good thing, by the way.

Keep discovering your partner and yourself.

If you want to stay close and connected with your partner, never stop discovering who he or she is.  When you find yourself making an assumption based on what your mate has “always” liked or has “always” done, stop and invite yourself to get curious.

You might be surprised to find out that your partner has adventured forth from what you assumed and is trying some new things.  Join in and try new things together!

Make sure you are giving yourself permission to change and grow too. In order to prevent your relationship from stagnating and getting stuck in hum drum, do this.  Keep asking yourself questions like, “What would I like to do/be/have now?”

Explore and keep doing more of what helps you feel more alive.

Keep discovering new (and more effective) ways to communicate.

This sense of exploration also goes for communication.

Don’t freeze your communication habits in the past.  Even if what you are longing for is the passion, intimacy and closeness that you once had more of in your relationship, turning to the past is not the way to get what you want.

Remember how great it felt to communicate the way you used to AND find new ways– that fit who you each are today– to cultivate that same feeling and closeness.  This might involve learning new communication techniques and it might also entail you both really listening to one another.

If you feel nervous or wary of being completely honest and open, get curious about that.  Heal your wounds of the past and let them go.  This will help you be more present and dissolve blocks that are in your relationship now.  This will enable you to communicate in ways that bring you two closer together again.

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