When we’re “too” busy, stressed out and there doesn’t seem to be enough time to do everything we think has to be done, it’s really easy to lapse into old patterns and ways of being that separate us from those we love.
This is especially true around the holidays when expectations of ourselves and others can be high–expectations that may have nothing to do with our current reality but are rather about what happened in the past.
When this happens to the two of us, one question that is typically helpful to ask is …
“How do we get unstuck from our old patterns or the ‘trance’ as we like to call it and regain our connection?”
We’re guessing that this might be a question of yours from time to time as well with the people that are important to you!
You might know that you are stuck in some area of your life–either in a relationship or in a life situation–but you don’t know how to get yourself free so that you can create what you want.
If you can relate, here are some practical ways that might help you.
These suggestions are ones that we use to get ourselves back into harmony with ourselves and with each other.
These certainly aren’t the only ways to get back into balance and harmony with yourself or a partner but we invite you to experiment with them to see how they will work for you in creating more of the kind of relationships that you want….
1. Recognize that you may be living by someone else’s “rules” for living or opinions and not your own.
You may be trying hard to please someone else, making up stories about what you think he or she thinks about you. You might be making that made up story more important than your truth.
Justine tried hard to please her mother but never seemed to be able to do it. Although Justine was in her 40’s, she was still trying to get her mother’s approval–and Justine was miserable. When she started looking at her own “rules” for living and started taking action from how she wanted to live her life (rather than constantly looking at how she thought he mom wanted her to live her life), she started feeling some relief and joy.
It turned out that she and her mom would never be “best friends” but their relationship improved.
Justine stopped making up stories about what she thought her mom’s opinion of her was.
When Justine was clear about what she wanted and was instead, just loving toward her mom, they could both meet in a place they could never get to before.
2. Soften and open your heart toward the other person and toward yourself as you take yourself out of the drama.
If you soften and open your heart, it doesn’t mean that you are a pushover. In our experience, it’s been quite the opposite.
When the two of us get into a conflict and get stuck in an old pattern, what helps bring us back into connection is this idea of bringing our attention to our hearts.
Even if one of us does that, that person can begin to step out of the drama and see another possibility.
When you are in the middle of what we call a drama, you can’t see a way out.
If you take a moment, breathe and bring your attention into your heart, reminding yourself that you love or care about this person, even a small amount of space can open up so that a new possibility of resolution can emerge.
3. Look toward the future of what you want.
When you are locked in the pattern that you can’t seem to move from, all that you can usually think about is what is wrong between the two of you.
The two of us got locked in an old financial conflict a few days ago. We each held to our positions–which we each knew was “right” and felt like the other person didn’t understand.
We were able to move through by shifting our attention to what we wanted our future together to look like financially–and then we started planning on what steps we would need to take to get there.
We shifted out of the old pattern into something greater that we both wanted.
Right now, you might be thinking something like this…
“Sure all of these ideas work for you. You both have been practicing ways of getting unstuck for years and I don’t have a partner (or the other person) who wants to do this–so they won’t work for me.”
If this is what you are saying to yourself, we invite you to try any of these suggestions and see what happens when you find yourself in a situation that seems stuck to you.
We’ve found that the very thing that you resist will probably give you the most freedom, love, connection or whatever else you want.
For more information about how to communicate with your partner when it’s tough, visit http://www.StopTalkingonEggshells.com