Or are they?
This is a fundamental question that must be answered if you’re in a relationship and there’s jealousy…
How can you tell if your eyes are deceiving you?
How can you tell if your partner really is doing something that is inappropriate for your relationship or not?
How do you know what is true?
These kinds of questions are what’s coming up for one of our newsletter subscribers and you can read their question and our answer here…
***QUESTION FROM A READER
“These emails [about stopping my jealousy] really help me, but I have one concern.My eyes keep deceiving me. Sometimes I believe that I saw something but when I ask about it, I seem to be proven wrong.
“I don’t want to have these bad thoughts but no matter how much I try to stop them, they just continue and I realize my partner is getting mad as well because I keep questioning things that should not be questioned.
“I trust my partner completely but I want to be able to show it more. Everything between me and my partner is great. I just need to stop with the crazy thoughts.”
When you’re struggling with jealousy, it can seem that your eyes play tricks on you.
Just like our newsletter subscriber, you can feel very sure that you saw “something” but when you bring it up, there’s a logical explanation.
For some people who struggle with this problem, they really ARE seeing things they should pay attention to.
If you are in the situation where you think your partner may be cheating, there’s a book and audio program we offer that you may want to check out at http://www.relationshipgold.com/is-your-man-a-liar.
This information can help you decide if your instincts are real or playing tricks on you.
What’s interesting is…This does not seem to be the case with our newsletter subscriber who wrote to us.
She believes that her partner is being truthful on some level…
But on another level, she doesn’t.
She says she trusts him, but something inside her is nudging her not to trust him.
Whether she’s getting “intuitive” hits that everything isn’t really as it seems or because of what’s happened in her past, she doesn’t fully trust him, even though she thinks she does.
While we certainly don’t know the particulars of her situation, we can give her–and anyone else who can identify with her problem–some tips about how to deal with it.
First of all, you can’t “stop” jealous thoughts if you have lingering doubts about your partner’s actions. As we said, you have to find out if there is any truth to your suspicions.
If you have evidence that there’s no truth to what you fear is going on, THEN start working with changing your thoughts.
We’ve written a lot about how you can change your thoughts and and one way you can change your jealous thoughts is by using our “3-Minute Jealous Thought Stopper Technique.”
You can learn this technique here… 3 Minute Jealous Thought Stopper
But in order to change your thoughts, you have to have some physical evidence that what you fear is untrue AND…
You’ll want to take some time with just you to discover where your fears are coming from. Because only then will you be able to pull yourself into this present moment, leaving the past in the past.
When Sylvie looked at where her jealous thoughts were coming from (she had proven to herself that her partner really wasn’t cheating on her), she discovered a pattern from her childhood that kept her stuck. She was the oldest of her siblings and she had assumed the role of caretaker very early. Somewhere inside her, she felt that everybody always got more attention than she did, although she usually kept her “selfish” thoughts to herself.
Now in her intimate relationships, even though she felt “selfish,” she never seemed to get enough attention. She became jealous of every person who got her partner’s attention and her jealousy ruined more than one relationship.
Sylvie had to learn to identify when those feelings of lack came up inside her, love that little girl who was expected to “mother” her siblings at such an early age, and to bring herself into the present moment with this partner and in this present situation.
It took loving herself and it took telling herself gently that she was loved and this situation was different from when she was growing up.
Trust begins within you. So start there.
Start learning how to trust and love yourself and to recognize when your suspicions are a figment of the past and not part of your present.