Are you aware that the ways you think about your love relationship can significantly affect the way you experience that relationship?
What you believe and expect about yourself and your partner has everything to do with what you each actually bring to your connection (or lack thereof).So if you tend to walk around thinking about the worst aspects of your mate, you will probably mostly experience just that.
Of course none of us can control the actions or decisions made by another person, especially when there is something about him or her that we want to change.
What you can do is shift your thoughts and open up to the positive changes that are possibly already in the works and maybe just around the corner.
What you think about is the key!
A mother prepares her child for his first day of elementary school. She takes him in the day before school starts and shows him the lunchroom. She points out the lunch trays, the cafeteria line and the tables where he will sit.
Next she tells him to be ready to drop his lunch tray full of food in front of all his classmates. She lets him know that everyone does this and she wants him to be ready when it does.
During that child’s very first week of school guess what happens? He drops his lunch tray on the floor in the midst of a full room of kids. We don’t know whether he would’ve dropped the tray or not without his mother planting the image of “this always happens” in his head.
We do wonder how different this boy’s first week of school experience might have been without that expectation.
How many times do your thoughts about your relationship, your partner or even yourself focus on the negative or what you don’t want?
Just as the mother only wanted her son to be prepared and hopefully avoid embarrassment in the lunchroom, perhaps you are trying to prepare yourself for the worst in your relationship.
It might seem that if you ready yourself for a betrayal from your mate, it will hurt less when it actually happens. Or maybe you are unhappy with your relationship and feel you are just being “realistic.”
Your marriage really does seem to be “in trouble” from where you stand.
Believe it or not, all of these “realistic” thoughts and beliefs, are contributing to your unhappiness and discontent with the way things are.
Yes, there may be plenty of things about your relationship that you’d like to change. And they possibly will change. But change for the better where you and your love are more passionately, closely connected happens easiest when you are in a positive frame of mind.
Again, what you think about is the key!
Focus only on what you want.
No matter how difficult the situation is between you and your partner, focus only on what you want. When you think to yourself that “my marriage is on shaky ground,” notice how that thought feels.
Consciously and positively choose your next thought. For example, you might shift energy by thinking, “I look forward to feeling great about my relationship.”
Keep your attention on what you want and don’t worry so much about the specifics. Let yourself enjoy creating in your mind the relationship of your dreams.
Take positive steps toward where you want to go.
Once you are feeling better and better about what you want from your love relationship, you can more clearly see the steps to take to get there.
Perhaps you feel like your mate criticizes everything you say. When you shift your focus away from feeling bad about yourself or angry toward your mate, you can make decisions from a more empowered place.
The decision may be to ask your partner to communicate differently with you. Making a request for what you want, rather than an accusation, can avoid defensiveness or further tension.
You might also decide to be gentler with yourself and affirm the merits of what you have to say rather than relying on your partner for this. Either way, you are moving forward feeling improvement.
Stay in touch with your thoughts and how those thoughts feel. When you aren’t feeling satisfied with your life as it is, look to the beliefs you hold.
Choose one area of your relationship and, for 1 month, make it your goal to shift your thoughts around that topic.
Be sure to notice any changes at the end of the month. Life and love are meant to be enjoyed. Do whatever you can to turn toward enjoyment!