5 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself if You are Considering Whether to Stay in or Leave a Relationship – Separation and Divorce

5 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself if You are Considering Whether to Stay in or Leave a Relationship – Separation and Divorce
No matter how long you’ve been in your relationship, the decision whether to stay in or leave your relationship can be one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.

We’ve both also made this decision ourselves in our previous relationships, so we know how difficult it can be. In our relationship coaching practice and workshops, we’ve guided hundreds of people through a conscious decision-making process of whether to stay and work to make their relationship better or whether to leave their relationship with grace.

In this article, we’re offering five powerful, thought-provoking questions that you need to deeply consider if you are in this situation. We invite you to take some time to reflect on these questions and write out your responses without censoring or judging them.

If your partner is willing and you feel like you can ask, invite him/her to answer these questions as well, and then compare your answers.

If you are trying to make the decision of whether to stay in or leave the relationship by yourself, your answers to these questions will give you a lot of insight into what decision is best for you.

1) Why are you considering leaving this relationship?

When things get tough, most everyone has had the thought roll through their minds at some time or another that maybe they might be better off without their partner. Although this question seems obvious, reflecting on it will shed light on how deep your pain is in this relationship.

2) What is the real reason you are considering leaving this relationship?

There’s always a reason underneath what you say is the problem. This question is not to trivialize your answers to the first question but rather to ask you to delve deeper. For example, if Susie had been asked this question about her previous marriage, she would have answered the first question with “We no longer have the same interests, the passion has gone out of the marriage and we seem to be leading separate lives. After going deeper, she would have said, I realize I will never get the love that I want in this relationship.

3) What are the most important things you need to consider in order to make this decision?

You might want to consider housing for you and your children, financial concerns, health concerns, or other life circumstances. An example of this may be: If I leave (or stay in) this relationship, I won’t be able to attend college and that is an important goal of mine.

4) How will the other people in my life be affected if I stay or leave and can I deal with that?

We never know how others will be affected when we make a decision of this magnitude. While we need to consider how this decision will impact them, the ultimate, conscious choice should be ours and ours alone.

5) Is there any chance the two of you will be able to heal the issues surrounding this relationship?

Ask yourself if both of you are willing to do what is necessary to break down the walls and heal what is happening between the two of you. If you are considering whether to stay in or leave a relationship, these 5 questions are a good way to begin to focus your thoughts. If you are interested in delving deeper into this question, you’ll find many more questions, insights and personal stories in our course Should You Stay or Should You Go?.

To find out more about this course, visit our web site at http://www.relationshipgold.com/stay-or-go

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Comments

  1. I absolutely cherish your blog! I found this post to be very insightful.

  2. really helpfull!!!thanks a lot!!

  3. Thank you so much for educating us, lost and confused parents on something as important and crucial when it comes on to taking a real tough decision.

    • Mari: Glad you found the article helpful. Even if you feel lost and confused right now, be sure to acknowledge what you are doing well and what is going right with you and your kids or in your life in general. During difficult times, it’s easy to lose sight of the positives. When you do acknowledge the positives (even “small” ones), then the challenges can seem a bit less overwhelming and answers come more clearly to you.

      This free article specifically addresses the questions that parents face when considering a breakup or divorce: http://www.relationshipgold.com/divorce/children.htm#

      Best to you,
      Susie and Otto

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