Allowing the Pain in our Lives to Help us Heal

Last year, we had been sick for two weeks with colds and flu symptoms. At times, we were in pain and had not been at our best with each other. We hadn’t been as creative as we normally were in our work.Plus, some old, limiting mental beliefs had surfaced for each of us and had kept us from being as close and connected as we normally are.

It’s not only health issues that can cause old issues to resurface and come between two people. It can be any emotional or physical event, such as a breakup or divorce, that happens in our lives to rock our equilibrium.While our recent illnesses were in no way serious, we were reminded just how easy it is to slip into distance, disconnection and disharmony with the people around us. We were also reminded what a gift it is to have another opportunity to heal what is unhealed inside us.

Painful situations can be very obvious like a serious illness, the death of a loved one or a break up or divorce– or they can be moments of frustration when our child is being difficult or not living up to his or her potential.

The point is that when we are faced with events that shake our world, even in a minor way, we have two choices–we can either stuff our feelings down and maybe lash out at others, creating distance between us and the people in our lives, or we can choose to use this situation to heal and create closer relationships.

It isn’t always easy to do–but one of the keys to healing any situation in your life when there is pain is to find ways to allow yourself to feel all of your feelings–whatever they are–and to acknowledge that the pain is there.

We’ve discovered that physical pain can and usually does mask emotional pain. When we can recognize what’s underneath our physical pain, acknowledge it and maybe talk about it, both the emotional and physical pain begins to lessen.

The idea is to shift your attention to be with your pain, to feel it and allow yourself to move through it, giving you another opportunity to heal perhaps something deeper than you realized.

It may mean getting some support in the way of therapy to help you move through your pain and heal a broken heart–or it might be taking some time to meditate, do some journaling, talk to a friend or take a walk by yourself in the woods.

A woman we know lost her mother a few years ago and as you can imagine, it was a very difficult time for her. Recently, something happened in their family which triggered her to once again mourn the loss of her mother. She allowed herself to feel her grief–she cried and then she called her son and told him about what she was feeling. As she talked about her mom, she realized that she felt a closeness with her mother and also with her son.

What this woman did was to acknowledge her painful feelings and then allow her grief to flow without hanging onto depression. She also opened to someone who loved her and who she loved and in the process, felt much better.

When you find yourself in pain and old feelings and possibly limiting beliefs are coming to the surface in your life, here are some suggestions to help you to heal:

1. Commit to healing and to love.

2. Acknowledge your pain–don’t try to stuff it down and pretend that it doesn’t exist.

3. Look at things in your life the way they really are. Be careful of the “stories” you tell yourself about the situations that happen to you. Don’t create “stories” about the situations that make them worse than they really are.

4. Feel what you are feeling in your body–locate where you are feeling the pain and breathe through it.

5. Talk to someone who cares about you.

6. Allow the feelings to move out of your body. Give yourself permission to heal.

7. Don’t distance and shut yourself off from your loved ones. Allow them to love you and allow yourself to love them back. Even though it might be difficult, think of these situations as opportunities to move into a greater, more empowered you. It is possible to create closer, more connected relationships during these times and we urge you to have that as your intention.

For a free mini-course on getting over a relationship breakup or divorce, click here.

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