We’ve all heard the sayings that “everyone deserves a second chance.”
If your man has a history of lying to you and possibly of also cheating, you might be wondering if your partner deserves a second chance.
Even if he deserves that second chance, are you wise to offer it?
If you’re in a place where you suspect that your mate has been lying and cheating to you but you don’t know for sure, this same question may also be on your mind.
If you do find out that he has been hiding something, will you give him that second chance?
These are very important questions to consider.
You probably don’t want to be lied to again. It’s likely that you never want to feel that nagging doubt and suspicion that you aren’t being told the truth in your love relationship or marriage another time in your life.
There is no clear-cut answer to the question, “Doesn’t everybody deserve a second chance?”
On one level, the answer is “yes.”
Even the most hardened criminals can potentially change and dramatically turn their lives around for the better.
There are many examples of people who have cheated and/or lied in their relationships and, with persistence and determination,they’ve become the most devoted and honest of partners.
Just because someone deserves a second chance, however, doesn’t mean that you’re the one who has to give it. Additionally, even the most deserving person may not be the one who is the best match for you to be with in a love relationship or marriage.
We will re-phrase this question in a way that may be more helpful to you: “Am I willing to give my partner a second chance?”
Remove the whole notion of deserving, because that takes you to the “shoulds” and “have tos” that are may already be coming at you from other people in your life (including your partner perhaps) and from your own thoughts too.
Instead, tune in to what you are willing and unwilling to do in regard to your partner and your relationship. It’s time to get clear about what you know and what you don’t know.
It’s also time to get clear about your boundaries and the kind of love relationship or marriage that you want for yourself.
#1: Know what you know.
When you are deciding whether or not you are willing to give your partner a second chance after he has lied or cheated– or after you suspect that he is lying and cheating– it’s vital that you know what you know.
It can be too easy to base your decision on the fears and assumptions that you might be making from bits of troubling information.
It can be too easy to either give a second chance or deny a second chance to your partner solely because you are reading his signals– words and behaviors– in a particular way that may be completely inaccurate.
We recommend that you begin to take note of what you know to be true. You can even write these things down. Don’t include on that list anything that you cannot verify for yourself.
Does this mean that you should completely discount those “gut feelings” that you may be having that something is not right with your love relationship or marriage?
Of course not.
It’s very important that you listen to your intuition and “gut feelings.” But, make sure that it is truly intuition and not just fears or insecurities that are making your suspicious.
Above all else, when you have a “gut feeling” that something is awry with your man or your relationship, follow up and gather more information to either support or refute what you suspect.
#2: Look for the signs that a second chance is wise (or unwise).
As you begin to differentiate between your fears and facts upon which you can rely about your partner, you will be better able to see clues or signs.
Aside from literally catching your partner in the act of cheating, there can be a lot of uncertainty here. There is usually not just one clue that proves (or disproves) that he is lying to you or having an affair.
Pay attention to what your man says and then to what he does.
How reliable is he? When he tells you that he is going to be with friend Y at bar Q, for example, does he later mention that he was actually with friend Z at club X?
When there are inconsistencies between what your partner is saying and then doing, that’s a red flag that you probably want to get more information about.
It’s also a great idea to look for trustable moments.
If, for instance, he says that he is willing to be more honest and transparent with you, give him credit when he actually is.
Maybe he gives you access to his e-mail account or his cell phone records. This is noteworthy.
Use all of these clues and signs to inform your decision about whether or not to give him a second chance.
If you’re a woman and suspect your man is lying and cheating on you, here’s a way to know for sure.