If you have suspected that your man is lying to you, and maybe having an affair, you may have also been gathering information about how to spot lying in your relationship. You may have read books, listened to audios and visited websites to learn more about the signs of infidelity.
Perhaps you have considered confronting your partner about your suspicions, but you worry and wonder if you can believe the responses you get from him. We advise our readers and coaching clients to double- check their suspicions before taking action. Base your determination that, yes, he is lying or no, he isn’t lying, on evidence that you can truly rely upon.
For a sure-fire method of proving to yourself once and for all that he’s lying and cheating–or not, check out https://www.relationshipgold.com/is-your-man-a-liar
Be clear within yourself about what you see, hear and even smell about him. Look for inconsistencies in these reliable signs. From a compilation of these things, make your assessment.
So, once you have collected proof that you can trust, what’s next?
The fact of the matter is, regardless of how private you’ve been about this investigating that you’ve been doing, there is probably some distance and weakened trust between you and your mate. If there weren’t both of these things, it’s doubtful that you’d have had suspicions in the first place.
You may have pulled back from your relationship somewhat as you tried to figure out exactly what is going on with your man and with your relationship.
It is now time for you to make some decisions based on what you’ve discovered and on what you want to do next.
*If you did not find any reliable evidence to support your suspicions that your man has lied or cheated… You still have decisions to make. You might ask yourself what it would take for you to resolve the doubts that you have about your partner and your relationship.
It could be a good idea for you to look within and see if you are making assumptions about this relationship that are inaccurate and that are due to past experiences. If so, you could re-focus some of your energy on making completions with your past and also learn how to bring yourself back to the present moment more of the time.
In addition to this, you may ask yourself if you are ready to improve trust between you and your man.
What are the obstacles that you see to connection and trust? (Look at the habits of both your mate and of you.) What are you willing to do in order to move closer to your mate and feel like you can believe him again?
You probably don’t want to just live with things the way that they are now.
Ultimately, you get to decide whether you feel satisfied with your relationship as it is now and you also get to decide what you will do next to either help rebuild trust or to make plans to leave your relationship.
*If you did find reliable evidence to support your suspicions…
At this point– after finding proof that your man is lying and possibly cheating– you might feel compelled to take immediate or drastic action. After all, discovering that you have been betrayed by someone you love can be very upsetting.
You may feel the urge to pack up your things and get as far away from him as possible.
You might want to throw his things out of the house and then find him and the woman he’s been having the affair with to get some form of retribution or revenge.
You may be driven to tears and want to go to him and ask what you could do to win him back.
It could also be that you feel pulled to do some form of all of these things.
Immediately upon finding out that your man has lied, it is advisable that you take some time by yourself or with a trusted friend who can help you calm down.
What you need most of all right now is a clear head so that you can look at all of your options and choose one (or at least a direction) that will be in your best interest in the short term and the long run.
By all means, let your emotions out. In ways that are nonviolent to you and others, give yourself permission to shout, scream, cry or whatever it is you need to do.
But, we also encourage you to make your decision about what’s next from a place that is as calm as you can possibly be. If you’d like to stay in your relationship and rebuild trust with your man, come up with some specific requests that you have for him.
One example from our Relationship Trust Turnaround program is– you might ask your partner to be completely transparent with you and give you access to his cell phone records and e-mail addresses.
You may also ask him if he’s willing to meet– either with you or separately– with a relationship coach or counselor.
Before you sit down to talk with him, decide how non- negotiable these requests as to you.
Above all, if you’re going to stay in this relationship, you probably want to be certain that he’s ended the affair or stopped doing whatever it was he was lying about.
If, instead, you choose to leave your relationship, careful planning and a clear head are also advisable.
As much as you may just want to get as far away from him as possible, take some time to figure out where it will be best for you to go, what you want to take with you (if you have shared possessions), protect your financial assets that he may have access to, how you will help your children with this change, etc.
Of course, if you are in an abusive relationship or you fear for your safety (or for the safety of your children), please get to a safe place immediately.
While you cannot dictate how your man will respond to your decision for what’s next, you can be prepared with a vision of the future that you want for yourself. You deserve to be in a relationship that is trusting, connected, loving and respectful.
Keep that vision at the forefront of your mind and step toward whatever next step seems best for you right now.