Surviving Infidelity: Why Do People Cheat or Have Extramarital Affairs?

One of the questions you undoubtably have if you’ve been cheated on is why it happened. You’ve probably asked yourself this question dozens of times. And you may feel that you need to know why the affair happened in order to keep it from happening

According to marriage and family counsellor Dr. Frank Gunzburg, the one who has cheated operates under the mistaken notion that going outside the relationship will solve his/her problems or fulfill his/her needs in some way.

The “reason” that he/she has done what he/she has done could be any number of things. Dr. Gunzburg goes on to list some common themes:

1. Some people cheat because they aren’t getting their needs met inside the relationship. They no longer feel special in the relationship and they are under the deluded notion that going outside the relationship is a legitimate answer. It isn’t.

2. In some cases people cheat because they have never learned to honor boundaries. They may know the boundaries are there, but they have little hesitation about stepping over them.

3. Some people are thrill seekers that just can’t pass up the opportunity to get a thrill. The very fact that these people are doing something that is taboo compels them to engage in the affair.

4. Similarly, some men think that they are not a real man if they turn down a sexual invitation from someone attractive.

5. Some people have low self-esteem and they get a sense of self-worth through finding people who care about them.

6. In some cases people have sexual fetishes that their partners have problems with so they go outside the relationship in order to fulfill these sexual desires.

Whatever the reason the affair happened, the person who has cheated can choose to do some personal work on themselves and re-committ to the relationship.

How do you keep it from happening again?

If there is one thing that increases the chances of another affair happening, it is neglect. Neglect is a poison that eats away the foundation of your relationship.

According to Dr. Ginzburg, there are three ways that you can neglect your relationship:

1. You can neglect your own needs,

2. You can neglect your partner’s needs,

3, You can neglect both your needs and your partner’s needs.

Dr. Frank Gunzburg is a licensed counselor in Maryland and has been specializing is helping couples restore their marriage for over 30 years. He is also the author of How to Survive an Affair, a step-by-step healing system that can help a couple repair their relationship after it has been shattered from an affair.

If your relationship has been damaged by an affair and you would like a step-by-step system for repairing your relationship, then please visit Dr. Gunzburg’s site for more information:

This article was used by permission from How to Survive An Affair.


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