Getting your ex back–Is it a good idea after your breakup?

There are countless websites, books, CDs, DVDs and more that promise to help you “win back” your ex.

These strategies and methods may be successful with some people, but the question comes down to this…

Is it really in your best interests to get back with your ex?

Even aside from the question of whether or not your ex is even willing to consider reuniting with you, it’s vital for you to ask yourself if it is wise and advisable for you two to get back together again.

Let’s back up for a minute…

As you are going through a break up or divorce, it is completely understandable for you to question whether “giving up” on your love relationship or marriage is a huge mistake that you will regret for the rest of your life.

You might even worry that this person was your only chance at love and now he or she is gone. You may doubt that you’ll be able to make it without this person to share your home, finances, child care and life with.

A lot of fearful and upsetting thoughts like these may go through your mind from time-to-time or quite
frequently as you make the transition to being broken up or divorced.

While these are normal and even expected concerns, they aren’t necessarily a good enough reason to try and get back together with your ex.

Here’s why…

If you go to your ex with a request to reunite for fear that he or she was the “best” you’re ever going to get, a part of you may feel like you are settling.

If you try to get back together because you believe that “giving up” is a sign of failure, you are letting your beliefs stand in the way of your potential happiness.

If you attempt to reunite with your ex because you think that you cannot make it alone, you are selling
yourself short and depriving yourself of a chance to be all that you can be.

And, if you are driven to get back together with your ex and it’s not in your best interests, you two will most likely fall into the same disconnecting and painful habits that drove you apart in the first place.

Question your urge to get back together with your ex.

Again, the impulse to reunite with your ex is something that a lot of people experience. It is even a wise move in some cases. In many other cases, however, it is the path to more heartache and hurt. Before you pick up the phone, send an e-mail, a letter or you arrange to talk face-to-face with your ex to talk about this, we encourage you to question your urge to reunite.

You might ask yourself a question like, “What is motivating me to get back together with my ex?”

There are no “right” or “wrong” answers to your question. Try to set aside any “should” statements that come to your mind as you question your motives.

Become clear about what is pushing you toward reuniting. After you are clearer about your motivations, assess whether or not these are going to support your personal goals and intentions for yourself and your future.

We know, this can be a difficult exercise because there’s possibly a very loud inner voice within you making the argument that going back to your ex IS going to support the kind of future you want for yourself.

Try to take point of view of an observer as much as you can. How would someone who is on the outside looking at you and your ex assess the situation?

Some signs to look for…

You can envision a future with your ex that is different from the past.

You are willing to look at disconnecting relationship habits and make changes.

You are open to taking responsibility for your share in what drove you two apart.

You are not taking the sole “blame” for your break up or divorce.

You are more forward-focused about your future than you are reminiscent of happier times in the past.

Your ex has shown some clear interest that he or she wants to get back together again.

You truly love and respect your ex.

You believe that trust and/or connection can be rebuilt between you two.

This is not an exhaustive list.

It is simply a collection of some possible signs that you might or might not notice within yourself (and with your ex, if you two are still in contact with one another). These signs may indicate that it could be in your best interests to explore getting back together again.

So, what if the signs are there that it is wise to get back together again, but your ex is against reuniting with you? Does this mean that you are doomed to heartache?

Not at all.

It ultimately comes down to this… Your healing and your happiness are not dependent on anybody else. It’s all about you.

You can continue to move forward with your healing and, if it is seems wise and your ex is also interested, you can also open up to possibly getting back together again. Keep yourself forward-focused and allow whatever is best for you to unfold.
For a free mini-course on getting over a relationship breakup or divorce, click here.

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