Recently, we attended an internet marketing seminar and one of the most powerful things that we heard can be just as easily applied to your relationships! The powerful question that was asked was…
“Is it a Yes or is it a No?”
What does this question mean in regard to your relationships and your life?
To us, it means that every step we take, every choice we make is either a “yes” or a “no.” Whether we realize it or not, our ability to make conscious decisions about every step of the way in our relationships and in our lives will largely determine our happiness.
We are constantly making choices, either consciously or unconsciously, about how we will use our time, who we will be with, and what we will do. All of these decisions positively or negatively affect our happiness. What we sometimes forget is that our failure to make decisions and to, instead, simply react to what is going on around us will also affect our happiness– usually in a negative way.
What happens when we don’t make a definite “yes” or “no” is we get stuck in “maybe” land and others decide how we’ll live our lives for us by default.
When people get stuck in “maybe” land, they tend to become angry and resentful but, the fact is, they didn’t make a choice. You might not even be aware when you’re living in a confused or wishy-washy way.
Here’s an example of what we’re talking about…
Imagine you and your partner or you and a friend decide to go to the local movie theater Friday night. There are several possible choices of movies at your theater and you begin talking about what you’d like to see with your partner or friend.
Imagine that your partner or friend has a strong preference toward one movie and you’d really like to see another but you don’t say anything. You give your partner or friend a weak, “maybe” or “I don’t care” and end up seeing the movie he or she wants to see. Later, you feel resentful and angry because this always seems to happen and you “never get to see the movie that you want to see.”
What you might not acknowledge in a moment like this is that you set yourself up to feel angry and upset because you weren’t completely honest and upfront about your desire to see a different movie.
If you don’t empower yourself and express what you want and don’t want by giving a clear “yes” or “no,” how can you expect to get it?! It’s very important to empower yourself to make conscious choices to create the relationships and life that you want.
A lot of people feel anger and resentment toward others, but what they actually may be feeling is resentment towards themselves for not having the confidence to go for and speak up about what they really want.
So how do you know whether a decision you are faced with is a “yes” or a “no”?
1. When someone asks you to do something or a choice is before you, take a moment to quiet yourself and breathe.
2. Check in with how you are feeling inside.
To practice this, think of a definite “yes” in your life, something you are absolutely certain about. It might be, “I’m a great dancer” or “I’m a good cook” or even “I have green eyes.” When you think of the “yes,” what do you feel inside your body? Where do you feel it?
When there’s a “yes” for Otto, he feels a strength inside himself and a sense of expansion.
Now, think of a definite “no” in your life. What does it feel like in your body?
When there’s a “no” for both of us, there’s a sinking and heaviness in our solar plexus and chest.
Whenever we are are faced with a decision, if we take the time to go within, we can feel whether something is a “yes” or a “no.” By doing this, we bypass the wishy-washy place of being stuck in “maybe.”
This doesn’t just apply to making decisions about which movie to see. We invite you to do this exercise of consciousness on a regular basis about all the things in your life. When you do, you will feel more empowered and, as a result, able to move confidently toward creating the kind of relationships and life that you want.