The word “revolution” is defined in the dictionary as a…
- Radical change
- Overthrow
- Repudiation
- Thorough replacement
These adjectives are pretty intense and even extreme. Historically, revolutions have been marked major upheavals in political and economic systems. Some revolutions, such as the French Revolution that occurred in the late 1700s, were violent too.
Why would you want to do something extreme like staging a revolution in your relationship?
For some people, the desire to revolutionize their love relationship or marriage comes when they’ve reached their limit with the way things are. Maybe it’s the incessant fighting, the persistent cold distance or the overwhelming sense of mistrust.
For others, there is nothing overtly “wrong” with the relationship, but they feel that there is something missing. Things could be so much more than they currently are.
This sense of dissatisfaction can build and lead to disconnection and distance between a couple.
When conditions in the relationship become unbearable, people tend to do one of three things…
- They “check out” and leave the relationship emotionally.
- They literally leave the relationship by breaking up or divorce.
- They make significant changes to improve the relationship.
If some aspect of your relationship– or the entire relationship– has become intolerable and you want to stay with your partner and make things better, consider a revolution.
We’re NOT talking about something violent, but we are talking about putting into action a big overhaul. The changes that you and your partner make might feel uncomfortable (at first) and they might not be easy to stick with.
But…
If you really commit to it, a relationship revolution can mean the difference between continued emotional pain, distance and dissatisfaction OR passion, connection and harmony between you and your partner.
What drags a relationship down and prevents closeness is different for every couple. It’s important to get curious and notice the habits that you and your partner have that take you farther away from one another and that contribute to discord.
THESE are what need to be overthrown. These habits that you both have are what you and your partner can work together to radically change…
And come away feeling more excited and in love with one another than before.
Set aside blame and finger pointing and work with your partner to revolutionize your relationship.
Here’s how…
#1: Shift your attitude.
Attitude really is everything.
Have you ever been stuck in a long line at the grocery store or lost power for the evening? It’s amazing how different both of these inconvenient and trying experiences are depending on the attitude you have.
If you’re grumpy, impatient and angry, the wait (to pay for groceries or for power to be restored) will seem to go on forever. Your stress level will increase by the second.
But, if you find a way to make the best of an annoying situation, it’s generally not such a bad time. In fact, you might find unexpected and pleasant surprises in the people you meet waiting in line or the non-electric activities you do instead.
It’s exactly the same way in your relationship. Especially when you and your partner have a disagreement or are facing a challenge, consciously shift your attitude.
Be real and don’t pretend you are happy when you’re not. But, try to keep an open and positive mindset about whatever is going on and especially about your partner.
#2: Re-tool your talk.
The words you use in everyday conversations and during tense talks can make or break the overall health of your relationship.
If you’re mostly sarcastic, critical or dismissive of your partner or of yourself, this is going to have a negative impact.
Communication is a wonderful place to stage a revolution. Choose your words carefully. Be honest AND make connection with your partner a priority.
If you and your partner have frequent arguments that turn ugly quickly, set some communication “ground rules” so that you two can deal with problems in ways that don’t tear you apart.
#3: Redesign your response.
We humans tend to be a reactive bunch. Somebody else says or does something and before we know it, we’re reacting– usually with anger or fear.
A reaction is understandable because we’ve all had experiences that were upsetting and we occasionally get triggered and reminded of those. Unfortunately, the present moment situation often has little or no connection to what happened long ago and our reaction isn’t accurate or fair.
Pay attention to what triggers you and what seems to bring out your reactive side.
Practice pausing, calming down and getting clear about what’s true right now. This space and clarity will help you choose a response that DOES fit the current situation and will serve both you and your relationship.
#4: Renew your passion.
Another fabulous way to revolutionize your relationship is to remember why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Get back in touch with how much you may have adored your partner when you two were getting to know one another.
Appreciation is a powerful way to renew the passion in your relationship.
Instead of looking at your partner and listing off in your mind all of his or her flaws, intentionally remind yourself of what you appreciate and love.
The more you can do this, the easier it is to tap back into the love and spark that’s there. Build on this by telling your partner what you appreciate about him or her in that moment.
Watch what happens next!