Relationship Advice: What to do when jealousy sneaks up on you

Okay, so you’re sitting with friends minding your own business when all of a sudden, you think you see something out of the corner of your eye, you get a sick feeling in your gut and jealousy slams you in the back once again.

Jealousy sneaked up on you, you lost control, made a fool of yourself and you don’t know what to do.

If you’ve ever experienced jealousy sneaking up on you like this–especially when you least expect it–there’s help right here for you.

Here are 3 ways (from our No More Jealousy course) to help you when jealousy sneaks up on you…

1. Stop comparing yourself and your partner to anyone else

Just for this one day, take your focus away from comparing yourself or your partner to other people.

Forget about whatever thoughts that come out about how attractive you are or your partner is.

Sound difficult?


But remember–we’re only asking you to do this for a few hours.

And you never know until you try.

So try this when you have thoughts come up about how attractive your partner’s co-worker is or how un-attractive you feel…

Take a deep breath and shift your attention inside you, saying something like this-“I love you.”

You say this to yourself until you feel some ease in your body.

Try it every time you are envious of someone else or tempted to put yourself down.

2. Communicate what you want

In order for you to “get control” when jealousy sneaks up on you, you have to learn how to communicate with each other.

Before you can do this, you have to figure out what you want and then how to express it.

If you feel like it’s difficult to go within yourself and determine what it is that you really want or to express it, we suggest that you turn your attention to one thing that you’d like instead of focusing on your fears of what your partner may do or say or how they will react.

Do you want a quiet evening at home–just the two of you?

Do you want a truce and a moratorium on the arguments you’ve been having so you can have a nice dinner in a restaurant?

Do you want to laugh together at a funny movie?

If you’re having trouble, we’ve got a whole course that shows you how to stop talking on eggshells and figure out what you want and how to share with your partner.

We know that it takes courage to resource yourself and find the courage to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about what you’d like. But if you do, you’ll see changes that live long past today.

3. Make the commitment to treat your partner and yourself special.

This may sound pretty far out there right now, especially when jealousy sneaks up on you, but in order to calm yourself down at those times, put down your defenses and your thoughts that separate you–and just treat each other with kindness and love.

Here’s an image to help you…

Put all of your comparisons, anxious thoughts, fears about past or future in a trash can by the door. Just throw them in. You can always pick them up again if you want–but for now, throw them in the can and put a lid on them.

Now, find one way to connect.

It might be letting go of your normal way of being suspicious for just once and just being yourself or maybe the way you used to be.

It might be stopping yourself from making a sarcastic comeback and just listen.

It might be choosing to smile at your partner instead of frown.

Whatever it is, do something today that you haven’t done in a long while that will bring the two of you closer together.

For more tips to create more passion, love and connection in your relationship, or for some great ideas for overcoming jealousy, get our free ebook “7 Jealousy Stopping Secrets.”

Scroll to Top