Wouldn’t it be great if there was a fix for your jealousy?
If you could do one thing that would free you from the worry, turmoil and torment that you go through because of your jealousy, would you do it?
We’re not promising you a quick fix and we can’t guarantee that after you do this you won’t ever feel jealous again. But, this is a powerful way to make your jealousy not only manageable, but less damaging to you, your relationships and your life.
The jealousy fix is to boost your self esteem.
You’ve possibly heard us suggest this before. You may already be aware of the ways that your insecurity and sense of worthlessness feed and fuel jealousy.
Maybe your low self esteem plays into jealousy in some of these ways…
- You frequently compare yourself to how beautiful, sexy, fit and/or muscular others are.
- You often listen to yourself talk and are sure you are stupid or have no sense of humor.
- You think about what others have done with their lives so far and feel like a failure.
No matter how you criticize and negatively judge yourself, the results are the same…
If you’re in a relationship, you feel fearful that your partner will leave you because you believe you aren’t worthy of the relationship you have (or want). You become jealous of other people that your partner comes into contact with and are certain that they are a threat to your relationship.
If you’re not in a relationship, you are fearful that you never will be. Those you are attracted to seem out of your league and when others express interest in you, they seem to you to be just as lacking as you are.
Your low self esteem can act like a filter. Your view of yourself, your partner and your relationship can all be seriously skewed because your limiting beliefs about yourself twist and turn reality. What seems certain (that your partner will leave you for another, for instance) is actually not certain at all.
There’s no doubt about it…
When you address low self esteem, you are also addressing your jealousy habit. The better you feel about yourself and the more you know your worth and value, the clearer and easier it is to create a relationship and life experience that truly is in your best interests.
Identify where your self esteem is weakest.
Low self esteem isn’t all the same. It might center on your perceptions of your body, your education or background, your socio-economic status or what happened to you in the past.
The ways that low self esteem play out in your life will also be different from what someone else experiences. For example, you may be very shy and quiet when around other people while another person may joke around a lot– especially at his or her own expense.
Take some time to look at the ways that your low self esteem make themselves known in your life. Try to trace the thoughts, self put-downs or other limiting habits back to beliefs or emotionally painful experiences you may have had.
Write down on paper the most frequent ways that low self esteem shows up in your life. Be sure to also write down what you think are the beliefs or past experiences that play/ed a role in you feeling negatively about yourself.
Come up with an action plan to strengthen self esteem.
Next and on the same piece of paper, write down any and all actions you could take to start to change your beliefs or heal and let go of your past.
Write down everything that comes into your mind. Don’t censor yourself. Then, circle those action steps that you are willing to actually do.
Here are some examples…
- Look for one thing I DO like about my body every day.
- Tell my partner how I really feel in a way he (or she) can hear.
- Remind myself that every man (or woman) I date won’t be just like my cheating ex.
- Make an appointment with a counselor or coach who can help me heal from my past.
Be as specific as you can and, if it helps you follow through, set a deadline by which you will have taken– or at least started to take– this action.
Stick with it and build on improvements.
With any habitual way of thinking and living, you’re probably going to have slip ups. You will most likely fall back into your usual patterns of comparing yourself to others or putting yourself down.
The more you can return to and stick with your self esteem strengthening plan, the quicker you’ll see results you can be happy with.