The falling in love part is certainly easier than staying in love, but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the question is…
How do they do it?
How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what most couples can’t seem to do?
There are several ways that couples keep the fires stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the relationship is over.
Here are three of those secrets…
Secret #1
Couples who fall in love AND stay in love after they get married remind themselves and each other regularly about what they like, love and appreciate about each other.
Just last night, Susie told Otto that she appreciated that he held her hand and sat close to her during a gathering of friends we had last weekend.
To many people, it may seem kind of silly for a couple who’s been together as long as we have to be telling each other what we appreciate about each other all the time.
But it works–
Try this with your partner every so often and notice the difference it makes in your relationship.
Simply say to your partner:
“Something I really appreciate about you is____________”
And then fill in the blank with what you like, love or appreciate about him or her.
This alone can sometimes work miracles in a marriage.
Please know that we’re not naive enough to think that in all cases simply “appreciating each other more” will solve all your relationship ills.
We’re not suggesting that at all.
What we are saying is that it’s been our experience that when you tell your spouse how much you like, love and appreciate him or her in specific ways on a regular basis, your relationship really has juice.
Secret #2
Couples who stay in love seem to actually talk to each other differently than couples who are headed for divorce court.
Not only do these couples talk to each other differently, but they also use different words than the rest of us when they talk to each other.
They use “magic words” that seem to help open their partner instead of shut him or her down.
They use words that keep their partner interested instead of bored.
In any relationship, what we’ve found is that words can wound and words can heal.
We’ve found that the right words truly can make all the difference between whether you stay in love or your relationship becomes a divorce or breakup statistic.
That’s why we’ve put together a collection of the best words you could ever say to your partner if you want to stay in love or even rebuild a love that’s faded over time.
We call these Magic Relationship Words and we invite you to check it out.
Secret #3
Couples who fall in love AND stay in love over a long period of time ditch competition.
We can’t tell you how many times we’ve seen it in our Relationship Breakthrough Coaching work with couples…
Couples compete with each other about big and small things (even in playful ways) and sit around in amazement when the life has been sucked out of their relationship or marriage and they are left wondering…
Why?
The reason is simple:
In our opinion, there is no room for competition in a relationship between couples who are intimate partners or married.
If you doubt whether this is true or not, try this…
The next time that you and your spouse have a friendly little competition about anything, when you are finished, ask yourself one very easy question:
“Do I feel closer and more connected to him or her or do I feel distant and more disconnected?”
We’re willing to bet that you’ll feel more disconnected if there is any kind of competition between the two of you.
Of all the people we have ever worked with personally and those who have gone through our “Should You Stay or Should You Go?” program for deciding whether to stay in or leave a relationship…
Not one of these people has ever said to us…
“I feel like we’re really on the same team here–we’re splitting up!”
It just doesn’t happen.
Here’s the Susie and Otto rule for this:
In order to stay in love, make sure that you and your partner or spouse ALWAYS play on the same team.
The potential challenges, upsets and heartbreak are just too great if you don’t.
So there you have it–3 secrets for staying in love over the long haul. Of course these aren’t the only secrets but if you practice these, we promise that you’ll get closer and create a more loving marriage than you ever thought possible.
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