If you want to create a happier marriage, this question is worth considering…
“What are some things you could start doing (or doing more of) right now that would have an immediate positive impact on your marriage right now?”
Here are a few suggestions that we use in our own marriage to keep it rich, growing and alive over the years–that will work for you too…
1. Say something nice, positive or uplifting to your partner at least once a day.
This is such a simple thing.
Everyone wants to feel loved, appreciated and understood. Telling them something small like “I really loved seeing your smile last night at dinner” or “I’m so proud of you for the way you’ve been doing __________” or “I’m glad you’re my partner, husband / wife, friend” can really make your relationship sing.
Try it. One positive thing a day. Who knows, you may want to do more than one a day after you see what it does for you and your marriage.
2. Stop Talking On Eggshells
Life’s too short to hold back from opening your heart and mind to the people closest to you. If there is any part of you that worries about what someone else’s reaction might be or what they’ll say, think or how they’ll react when you share what’s real for you– then we suggest you download a copy of our Stop Talking On Eggshells program right now
One word of caution here about giving yourself permission to “Stop Talking On Eggshells”– when you do this, don’t think this gives you permission to go overboard and treat your spouse any way you’d like just because you make a new decision to not hold back any more. Learn how to disclose what you’re thinking and feeling in a way that opens him or her instead of puts your partner on the defensive.
3. Learn To “Question Your Thoughts…”
This is something we’ve learned to do over the past few years that has changed EVERY aspect of our lives for the better. What we find is that our minds work overtime. If you’re like most people, you’re constantly thinking and believing thoughts that take you away from what it is you want.
What we’re suggesting you do is to “question” your thoughts that you think that take you away from what you want. A simple question like “Is that true?” can help bring you back to what’s really happening and stop the untrue stories that swirl around in your mind.
4. Commit, really commit to being in your marriage
One of the biggest contributors to pain and disconnection in relationships and marriages is having one foot in the relationship and one foot out the door. We’ve had many people who were trying to decide whether to stay in or leave a relationship buy our Should You Stay or Should You Go? program and tell us later that they had no idea how much they had already “left” the marriage until they really took a look at their thoughts and behavior.
If you are in a marriage–really commit to it, stay in it and do everything you can to make it the best you could ever possibly imagine.
At some point, you may decide that this marriage isn’t right for you anymore. But, if you’re in it–commit, really commit to it.
5. Spend less time in your mind and more time in your heart.
This means, spend less time making up stories about how things won’t work out, how awful a situation is. Spend more time finding the “loving” and living from that place of love, kindness and possibility rather than fear.
Get better at communicating and using words that connect you instead of words that put distance between you and your lover or a person you care about. Learn how to use what we call Magic Relationship Words to pull you closer and eliminate fights, arguments and disconnection.
A good or even a great marriage doesn’t happen by accident and there are always ways to make one happier. Try some of our suggestions and see how your marriage can change for the better.