Are you looking for your perfect match, but jealousy keeps getting in the way?
Do you ever feel like your life’s dramas could rival soap opera storylines?
Jealousy can make even the most mundane situations explode in a barrage of overwhelming emotion. Fear, worry, anger and more.
A jealousy habit can seriously hamper your ability to attract the kind of close, connected and trusting relationship that you’re looking for. Instead, you seem to get more of the same. More doubt. More suspicion. More insecurity. More distance and tension. More rejections and breakups too.
Carmen calls herself a drama queen. Friends, family and her exes have characterized her in this way. And, she secretly delights in being the colorful, intense person that she identifies as. Problems arise, however, when she tries to be in a love relationship.
Although Carmen has dated many men and some for extended periods of time, these relationships have all been plagued by a lot of intensity. Some of the intensity has been enjoyable, such as the intimacy and lovemaking she’s had with different boyfriends.
But, most of the intensity has come from Carmen’s out of control jealousy.
Quite often, Carmen’s ex-boyfriends gave her “good” reason to be jealous. They’d lie to her or flirt with other women. A couple of her exes cheated. Carmen has never experienced a love relationship in which she didn’t feel some form of insecurity and jealousy– even with men who gave her no valid reason to be jealous.
She desperately wants to change this dismal pattern before entering another relationship. Carmen would like to stop her jealousy and lessen the drama in her relationships so that she can finally be happy and in love.
If Carmen’s story sounds familiar to what you’ve lived, know this…
Your jealousy habit does not have to stand in the way of the relationship you desire any longer. You can start right now to create the kind of life you want and to attract the perfect partner for you.
Be aware of your tendencies.
If you feel like your past relationships and life have had more than enough drama and you’d like to turn things around, start by looking within. How do you tend to react to dating situations that catch you by surprise, feel out of your control and trigger jealousy?
Without judging your usual reactions as good or bad, make a mental note of your tendencies. Be specific and recognize what seems to send you into suspicion or worry (even if there’s no valid reason for it).
Get behind the drama and to the roots of your jealousy.
If there are unresolved issues from your past that still cause you emotional pain, take steps to make completions and heal. If you tend to be insecure, think of one thing each day you could differently that would start to strengthen your confidence and self esteem.
Be in the now as much as possible and get into practice questioning your worrisome thoughts before you act on them.
Carmen is well aware that in every past relationship, she almost expected her partner to have an affair and lie to her. She developed a very quick reaction to anything that, to her, resembled a sign of infidelity.
Unfortunately, Carmen’s dramatic jealous reactions to any “suspicious” signs in her partner weren’t always accurate. She realizes that, some of the time, she had already decided that a guy was lying to her or would cheat before they’d finished their first date!
Carmen can see that her habit of jumping to a “worst case” before she even identifies the “facts” has led to a lot of conflict and heartache in her life. She’s ready to try something different– and is hopeful that the results will be positively different too!
Clear the way for the love you’re looking for.
When you make completions about your past, you can often more easily respond rather than react. When you treat yourself with more love, kindness and acceptance, you are less easily triggered and more apt to pause, feel into yourself and make a conscious decision before speaking or acting.
From a place of presence, you can question the assumptions that might jump to your mind and that have, in the past, spurred you to be dramatic.
This is essential to being open to your perfect partner.
For example, now that Carmen is more aware of why she gets jealous, she can respond rather than react when she is triggered. On a date with a new guy, she’s starting to notice it when something he says triggers her. She stops and reminds herself that she’s not with one of her exes. She asks herself if she has any real evidence to support the assumptions she’s making.
When Carmen takes the time to sort out the past from the present, she can choose a response rather than be controlled by a dramatic jealous reaction. She’s finding that her jealousy is less intense and frequent.
Please remember that changing a jealous habit and healing past wounds can take some time. Be patient, gentle and supportive of yourself. Be sure to congratulate yourself along the way to making this change and opening up to love!