If you’ve ever been through a breakup or even a really bad and tense time in your current relationship, you might be asking yourself this question…
“What did I do wrong?!”
You may be wondering what you said or did that led you to this place of disappointment, conflict and maybe even heartbreak. What were the choices you made along the way that brought you here and, more importantly, how can you go about doing things differently in the future?
It’s helpful to remember that a relationship is always a joint effort– whether that effort results in more connection or more distance and possibly a breakup. Your partner or your ex definitely played a part in creating whatever dynamic there is (or was) between the two of you. His or her decisions are outside of your control which is why it’s best to focus on what you have been doing.
Remember, this isn’t about blame— it’s about learning and possibly making changes that will bring you what you desire instead of more of the same.
While it’s important for you to develop a clear vision for what you DO want in life, it’s just as important to have an understanding of what you don’t want and also what you don’t want to repeat.
It’s time to take an honest look at your habits and assess which ones are holding you back. Here are 5 examples of ways NOT to act if you want lasting love in your life…
#1: Don’t act bored.
If you’ve ever had to stand in a long line or sit in a waiting room, you know how powerful your attitude is. If you allowed yourself to be crabby, impatient and bored, the whole experience was probably horrible! If you made the best of it, you may have met some new and interesting people or amused yourself in some way.
The point here is to pay attention to how you generally act in your relationship. If you and your partner have fallen into a routine, you can choose to either infuse playfulness, fun and passion into that routine or change things up.
If you’re bored with your life in general, your partner (or potential partner) will know and it’s unattractive. What draws in and lights up your love? When you’re fully engaged and excited, you won’t be bored– even if it’s just day-to-day living.
#2: Don’t assume you know it all.
Another big mistake that people make is when they think they know everything there is to know about the one they love. If you’ve been with your partner for awhile, chances are you do have a good idea of his or her preferences.
Be aware of what you know about your partner AND stay open. We’re all changing and growing all of the time so adopt an attitude of curiosity and look for ways that you can always discover more.
This approach will not only help you avoid misunderstandings and resentment, it will keep passion alive.
#3: Don’t treat your partner like the “enemy.”
Rarely does anyone intentionally view a loved one as the enemy, but often this is exactly how the person’s words or actions come through. Notice it when you are intent on proving yourself right, getting your way or trying to “win” the argument. Invite yourself to listen to your partner, even when it’s uncomfortable or you don’t agree.
Set an intention to try to understand your partner’s point of view and then find areas of overlap– that’s where your best solution lies.
#4: Don’t put your partner (or relationship) last.
Take an honest look at your priorities and then look at where you focus most of your time, attention, resources and energy. Do these match up? Do you say that attracting a relationship or creating connection with your partner are important to you but your actual actions tell a different story?
If you want a healthy, trusting and happy relationship, you’re going to want to make your relationship one of your top priorities and then follow up with actions that match that commitment. This is absolutely essential and it doesn’t mean you have to give up your personal growth, career or any other dreams and aspirations. Start by affirming to yourself that you DO have enough time and energy for all of what you want.
Know that it’s never too late to see what you habitually do and then start making some changes. It’s actually simpler and easier than you might think!