Who would have thought that gift-giving might be a stumbling block for couples who want to create more passion, intimacy and connection in their relationship–but it certainly can be!
Because of this and the fact that the holiday season is almost upon us here in the US when we typically give gifts to the people closest to us, we wanted to share some insights about gift-giving and how to give gifts that increase connection in your relationships.
When the two of us were first together, gift-giving was a topic that we got straight between us right off the bat.
We decided that we would not buy each other presents but would rather create “celebrations” that were delicious for both of us.
Does this work for every couple?
Of course not–but the point is to be very clear about each of your expectations and even fears that come up around the gift-giving topic.
The other day we received a great question from a woman who asked for some gift ideas for her husband for their second wedding anniversary. She told us that she’s been “racking” her brain for ideas and would like to follow the “theme” of the traditional second wedding anniversary gift which is cotton. She also said that they have a baby and she has limited time and not much money.
We’re sure that others live with this type of gift-giving question so here’s what we suggest…
1. Even though you may want to stay with “tradition,” focus on connecting with your partner and your love as you think about your celebration. We couldn’t find where or when this traditional anniversary list originated but we’re sure that a heartfelt gift to show your love trumps what someone else might suggest every time.
2. Sit down together and talk about how you both want your gift-giving to each other to be. Years ago, a woman Otto worked with was so disappointed that her husband sent flowers to their home instead of to her office to celebrate their anniversary.
Don’t assume that he or she “should” know what you want or what your partner wants. Have an honest, loving, fun conversation about how you want your celebrations to go.
3. If your wishes are vastly different, you may want to take turns in planning events, with each of you being open to enjoying what the other enjoys.
4. You can make it a special no-cost celebration if that’s what both of you agree to having. Even after many years of marriage, the two of us still do not exchange gifts.
We would rather create private “love” celebrations that we share together in our home, sometimes with music, chocolate and the deliciousness of being together in a beautiful setting.
However the two of you decide to celebrate together, let it come from the essence of your love and your union.
Let love and connection lead the way to creating more happiness in your life.
Ask yourself and your partner, “What is my intention for giving this gift?”
When you do, more often than not, the gift you give will lead to a heart opening experience for both of you instead of something you feel you “should” do because it’s expected.