How to Create and Keep Valentine’s Day Romance

“I hate Valentine’s Day!”
“I wear black on Valentine’s Day”
“It’s just a ploy to get you to buy flowers and candy.”

If you’ve either spoken or heard any of these sentiments about that infamous February tradition, please read this article!

Of course, it is hard to read a magazine, turn on the tv, or go into a store without the commercialization of romance in your face from about January 2nd until February 14th. We believe that there is potentially so much more than this. You can choose to boycott Valentine’s Day.

Or you could choose to make Valentine’s Day the kick-off for a new tradition. You and your love might just decide to create a more passionate connection that feels better and better and lasts longer than one day.We wonder what it would be like if more people made love and romance a focus of their relationships more than just on February 14th? What if you could open up to the passionate possibilities of what Valentine’s Day could symbolize? We believe you can if you choose to.

Habits and routines seem to be a part of life. Not all habits are bad. For example, choosing to eat more green vegetables every day will probably enhance your health. Other habits, such as regularly checking up on your partner out of mistrust, aren’t so life-affirming. Routines are more subtle and can be less loaded emotionally. However, an existence of “same old, same old,” can create a numb and dull experience.

Joann and Juan have been together for 10 years. Both are happy co-habitating and neither wants to get married. Both have successful careers and Joann enjoys the time she spends with her son from a previous marriage. In the midst of their busy lives, they keep Saturday as their date night and each week go to a movie and then out for pizza.

When Valentine’s Day rolls around each year, Juan sends a bouquet of flowers to Joann at work, she gives him a sweet card, and they go out to eat. Both feel content with their relationship and routine. But both also feel that there could be more. Inside, they each remember how passionate their relationship was during those first months and years.

Is there anything wrong with Joann and Juan’s relationship?

Not really.

Could their connection be more romantic, more passionate, more exciting?


When you make the choice to create a “Valentine’s Day” every day, it doesn’t mean you have a huge tab at the local flower market—unless that’s what you want to do. What it does mean is that you and your love set an intention to create and sustain more aliveness, excitement and romance in your relationship.

This intention may take the form of choosing one romantic act of love each day that you will do for your partner, yourself, or both of you. It may be something more involved like a surprise weekend away at a cabin complete with hot tub or it might be as seemingly simple as a sensual hug and kiss greeting for your mate at the end of the day. Have fun with this and spice it with lots of variety!

You can use your answers to these two questions to get started…

1.) What makes you feel alive and excited?
Flowers, candy and cards do not have to be the extent of romance for you and your love. Sipping hot chocolate with whipped cream by a fireplace snuggled together in a blanket could be an intimately romantic experience. It’s all about mixing it up and trying new potentially connecting things.

Get a pad of paper and, either individually or together, write down what makes you feel alive and tuned in to feeling great. These great feelings can range from warm and cozy to red hot passion. After making your lists, share what you’ve written down. Leave plenty of space at the bottom for the new romantic activities you have yet to discover!

2.) Is romance a priority in your relationship?
In the busy-ness of work, kids, home and everything else, it’s pretty easy to let romance slide. It might even feel to you like romance is an extra, not necessary. But isn’t love, connection and excitement for life really what it’s all about? Think about what your experience might be like without them. While romance looks different to everyone, it tends to be about sharing aliveness, love and connection with one whom you love most.

We encourage you to consider if romance is a priority in your life and relationship. If not, wouldn’t you like it to be?

You can make it your intention to take part in one romantic act each day– simple or more involved. Leaving a loving text message on your partner’s cell phone, for example, is not very expensive and extends your connection when you are apart. Maybe you’ve had a rough week and you prepare yourself a sumptuous bubble bath with candles and your favorite music playing.

Giving yourself experiences of care and love can also be romantic acts and they will undoubtedly spill over into your relationship in positive ways.

No matter what your budget or schedule is like, you CAN create and sustain more romance in your life and relationship. Whatever you do, be sure that it comes from the heart. After you decide to make every day Valentine’s Day, bask in the glow of more passion, more intimate connection and more fun!

For more tips on keeping romance alive and exciting in your relationship, visit


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