What most of us do–whether we realize it our not–is to give a gift that we would like rather than what the person who is to receive our gift would like.
A man we know arranged an overnight getaway for he and his wife to a cabin in the state forest not far away from where they life. It was their first overnight alone without the kids for many years. He chose to schedule hiking both days.
While all of this might sound really nice to many people, his wife thought it was great to get away for an overnight with her husband, she wasn’t into hiking both days. She would have liked to have had some time to just sit in front of a fire and relax.
While we certainly think weekend retreats are wonderful, we also recognize that when you are planning your special gift that you invoke the Platinum Rule.
According to Dr. Tony Alessandra, the Platinum Rule says, “Treat others the way they want to be treated.”
Dr. Alessandra explains that “the goal of The Platinum Rule is personal chemistry and productive relationships. You do not have to change your personality. You do not have to roll over and submit to others. You simply have to understand what drives people and recognize your options for dealing with them.”
In other words, we are all different and honoring those differences creates great relationships!
We’ve certainly learned this in our own lives together, as well as watching this dynamic in the lives of our coaching clients.
Our romantic tip for you for this Valentine’s Day (or any day for that matter) is to be very conscious and mindful about the gift that would please your beloved rather than please yourself.
Otto once worked with a woman who was so disappointed when she received flowers from her husband at home and not at work. It might sound like this woman is unappreciative of her husband’s efforts and there of course, is probably some degree of truth to that but there’s also the idea that he didn’t love and honor her the way she wanted to be honored.
She wanted his flowers to be a public display of their love. He wanted the flowers to be a private display of their love. Neither are right or wrong. It’s simply a difference in way a person wants love.
So our romantic tip for you is to pay attention to what your beloved would like and how they would like it.
You have a few days before Valentine’s Day so do some research. Here are some questions and advice to get your research started…
1. Become the observer. Ask yourself–What can I learn about new about my beloved? There’s always something new to learn if we are open to seeing it. We might think that we know everything about our mate but we suggest that you look at him or her with new eyes.
2. Does your beloved like surprises or hate them? Believe it our not, some people like surprises and others don’t like them because they don’t like to be disappointed if they don’t get exactly what they want.
3. How would your beloved like to see your love in action? Something tangible like flowers or chocolate or something like a romantic evening alone together? Maybe a bubble bath together or creating a soft “nest” for the two of you to snuggle into. Maybe an evening on the town, going out to dinner and then to a play or movie. Resist the temptation to plan something that would be the way you would like it.
4. Now obviously you both can’t plan a big outing for each other on the same day. If you are planning something big and special, tell your beloved and if he/she doesn’t like surprises, tell them what you are thinking of planning. You might combine what you each would like to do and your celebration of your love certainly doesn’t have to be on that one day–Valentine’s Day.
In fact, we suggest that in order to keep your love alive, vibrant and growing, you find ways to celebrate your love and each other often. Take turns in pleasing each other and you’ll find that your love grows deeper.