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Healing a Broken Heart
"Allowing the Pain
in our Lives to Help us Heal"
by
Susie and Otto Collins
Last year, we had been sick for two weeks
with colds and flu symptoms. At times, we were in pain and had
not been at our best with each other. We hadn't been as creative
as we normally were in our work. Plus, some old, limiting mental
beliefs had surfaced for each of us and had kept us from being
as close and connected as we normally are.
It's not only health issues that can
cause old issues to resurface and come between two people. It
can be any emotional or physical event, such as a breakup or
divorce, that happens in our lives to rock our equilibrium.
While our recent illnesses were in
no way serious, we were reminded just how easy it is to slip
into distance, disconnection and disharmony with the people
around us. We were also reminded what a gift it is to have another
opportunity to heal what is unhealed inside us.
Painful
situations can be very obvious like a serious illness, the death
of a loved one or a break up or divorce-- or they can be moments
of frustration when our child is being difficult or not living
up to his or her potential.
The
point is that when we are faced with events that shake our world,
even in a minor way, we have two choices--we can either stuff
our feelings down and maybe lash out at others, creating distance
between us and the people in our lives, or we can choose to
use this situation to heal and create closer relationships.
It
isn't always easy to do--but one of the keys to healing any
situation in your life when there is pain is to find ways to
allow yourself to feel all of your feelings--whatever they are--and
to acknowledge that the pain is there.
We've
discovered that physical pain can and usually does mask emotional
pain. When we can recognize what's underneath our physical pain,
acknowledge it and maybe talk about it, both the emotional and
physical pain begins to lessen.
The
idea is to shift your attention to be with your pain, to feel
it and allow yourself to move through it, giving you another
opportunity to heal perhaps something deeper than you realized.
It
may mean getting some support in the way of therapy to help
you move through your pain and heal a broken heart--or it might
be taking some time to meditate, do some journaling, talk to
a friend or take a walk by yourself in the woods.
A
woman we know lost her mother a few years ago and as you can
imagine, it was a very difficult time for her. Recently, something
happened in their family which triggered her to once again mourn
the loss of her mother. She allowed herself to feel her grief--she
cried and then she called her son and told him about what she
was feeling. As she talked about her mom, she realized that
she felt a closeness with her mother and also with her son.
What
this woman did was to acknowledge her painful feelings and then
allow her grief to flow without hanging onto depression. She
also opened to someone who loved her and who she loved and in
the process, felt much better.
When
you find yourself in pain and old feelings and possibly limiting
beliefs are coming to the surface in your life, here are some
suggestions to help you to heal:
1. Commit to healing and to love.
2.
Acknowledge your pain--don't try to stuff it down and pretend
that it doesn't exist.
3.
Look at things in your life the way they really are. Be careful
of the "stories" you tell yourself about the situations that
happen to you. Don't create "stories" about the situations that
make them worse than they really are.
4.
Feel what you are feeling in your body--locate where you are
feeling the pain and breathe through it.
5. Talk to someone who cares about you.
6. Allow the feelings to move out
of your body. Give yourself permission to heal.
7. Don't distance and shut yourself
off from your loved ones. Allow them to love you and allow yourself
to love them back. Even though it might be difficult, think
of these situations as opportunities to move into a greater,
more empowered you. It is possible to create closer, more connected
relationships during these times and we urge you to have that
as your intention.
******************
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins,
authors of "Should You Stay or
Should You Go?" and "How
to Heal Your Broken Heart" are experts at helping people
get more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a
closer, more loving relationship, click below for your free
5-part mini-course: http://www.Relationshipgold.com
***********************
For a free mini-course on getting over
a relationship breakup or divorce, click here.
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